Bedtime Has Become Dangerous
The Asshole Family's normal bedtime routine...
Clean the Family Room, brush teeth, Dad (me) puts the youngers, Sierra-Girl and Bravo-Boy in bed and read a book, proceed to Delta-Boy and Zebra-Girl's room to read two books, put up baby gate to prevent bad toddlers from toddling near and far when they should be sleeping, alert Moogie that the two olds are ready to be tucked in, because apparently Asshole Dad is an inferior tucker inner, and Moogie goes to tuck in the untucked with her supernatural tucking abilities.
Delta-Boy has started asking if I'm going to tell Momma that they are ready to be tucked. All of a sudden there's trust issues. All of a sudden I'm the Absent-Minded Father.
Fair enough...
But Delta-Boy, age 4, took it to a new level last night...
"You better tell momma that her babies are ready to be tucked in, or I'm going to cut you..."
Has my boy been reading The Outsiders? Does he want to rumble?
Actually, the line came from McDonald's...That's right...Micky Dees...Micky's apparently arming the newest generation, in cooperation with Disney, with Pirates of the Carribean swords to take out the oppressive parental regime! Right now, they're looking for excuses...but soon there will be enough children armed that they won't need an excuse, they'll start skewing parents just for being parents.
So beware, parents...the plot is underway...
My Life is One Big Movie Reference
So, yesterday, I have to go get VHS copies of all of the Star Trek films from this guy who lives a ways away. I've been there before, I've met the guy before. No big deal. In fact, this looks like it will be a better trip than last time because this time his steps have rails to hold onto.
Now, before I continue...about this guy. He's a big guy. Not abnormally tall, though taller than I am, but...rotund. Of ample girthitude. Now, when I first met him, that wasn't a problem. It was a physical description I noted in case the police ever had to question me about him, but otherwise, no biggie...Well, I mean, he was biggie, but it wasn't a big deal.
This time, however, the amount of square miles his skin could cover if peeled from his body and laid flat was an issue. Why? He answered his door...without...a...shirt...on. Ugh. So, I'm buying these Star Trek movies from a tall, spherical guy and it occurs to me..."I'm buying movies from the Staypuffed Marshmallow Man..."
Then, this morning, I was getting the bad babies up for breakfast. I went in to get Sierra-Girl and Bravo-Boy up and caught Bravo-Boy staring in his mirror. He briefly looked back over his shoulder to see what was up, and went back to looking at himself in the mirror clearly thinking, "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"
If you don't recognize the line, it's spoken by the wonderful, dead sexy John Cusack in the absolutely fabulous movie,
Grosse Pointe Blank. 
Have I told you much about Bravo-Boy, the Grosse Pointe Baby? Well, gross is an understatement. Grosse Pointe Baby tried to shove 4 pieces of sausage biscuit into his maw! I know how many cause I saw them come OUT! He's done this his entire life...and then I wonder why he spends all day pooing.
On an unrelated note, today's the last day of Summer School...YAY!
Also,
User Friendly is a funny online comic strip, and the User Friendly people also put up a "Link of the Day". Today, July 20th, my
Evil Genius Party page earned Link of the Day! Thanks User Friendly!!!
News Rant Sunday
Today we have News Rant Sunday. Sometimes I have to rant about the news. Now, in the past two days, I have seen some inordinately rant-worthy stories. Some you may agree with me on, some you may not. My blog, my opinions...
The first item I saw in yesterday's paper is the story of the mother who smothers her 4-month-old child while nursing. Now, let's make sure you have all the details: mother, intoxicated, nurses child...strike 1. You nurse a baby while you are drunk, you are giving the kid alcoholic milk. I'm pretty sure a 4-month-old is under the legal age limit. Now, she's not just intoxicated, she's so fucking smashed that she passes the fuck out! So, "intoxicated" is putting it mildly....Strike 2. You get so drunk you pass out while in college, not recommended, but not that big of a deal. The worst thing that could likely happen would be oversleeping for that 8:00 am class on a day you have a test. But then, if you were partying and not studying, I doubt actually taking the test would do much good. I'm off topic. You are a parent and you get so drunk you pass out! She has 4 other children! She's drunk, she's nursing, she passes out and an hour later, she comes to and her child isn't breathing. She and husband try and resuscitate...wait, husband? SHE HAS A FUCKING HUSBAND? What the HELL has he been doing? Was he drunk and passed out too? If not, why the hell is he allowing his wife to care for his children in such a state. Momma's drunk, momma's not taking care of the children until she's sober. Them's the rules. She's been sentences to 7 years. She won't serve the whole sentence, not even half, get out, continue drinking.......
Item 2 from yesterdays newspaper...the NAACP is honoring John Brown.
John Brown, if you don't know, was a raving psychotic who killed 5 men in Kansas during the whole Bleeding Kansas debacle and raided a federal arsenal in Harper's Ferry. YOU'RE HONORING THIS MAN? Maybe the NRA should honor David Koresh in 100 years. He was just a gun enthusiast, right? It'll be ok, too...because they won't be celebrating the violence Koresh perpetuated. They'll just be celebrating his commitment to the Second Amendment. I'm sure, while we are at it, we can find some reason to honor and celebrate the commitment of Charles Manson and Ted Kaczynski, too. I mean, Unabomber Ted was just committed to independence from evil technology, and after the robots turn on humanity and try and kill us, Ol' Ted will look like a messiah! And Green Peace can honor Manson for his brutal murders in the name of ATWA, Air-Trees-Water-Animals. Because he wanted to abolish slavery, the fact that he murdered people isn't that big of a deal? Yeah, and Hitler just wanted to lead Germany to unification with all German peoples and economic prosperity. Every insane madman has some noble purpose. Some justification for his horrible acts. THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE!
Item 3, found in today's newspaper, is the UN.
They've sanctioned North Korea. The sanctions...no imports to or exports from North Korea of missiles, missile parts, or anything that could be used to make weapons of mass destruction. The UN has put North Korea in time out. And North Korea has said, "No!" See, North Korea is looking for a reason, any reason, to go to war. They've said they will consider
any sanctions as an act of war. They've said they are going to continue with their weapons tests. They've threatened us to keep our big, honking American nose out of their business. Kim Jong-Il needs to be told something more than "go to your room and think about what you've done." For the recond, Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, it's
anagram is Gyp 'N' Agony. North Korea: Rank Hooter. Kim Jong-Il: Mil Joking. No what that means? The leader of a smelly tit of a country is playing a lot of jokes with the world from his capital of cheats and agony.
Item 4, also from today's newspaper...
Jerry Buck Inman. Jerry Buck killed a girl in nearby (to me) Clemson, South Carolina. What's to rant about? He's arrested, right. Well, see, he's been arrested before. For rape. When he was 17. He was also arrested for breaking and entering. Before convicted of the Florida rape and Tennessee B and E, he participated in a gang rape of another inmate. These arrests got him put in prison, sentenced to 20 years, and in 10 years he attempted to break out of jail twice. I'm sure he did some other horrible, atrocious things...Why the 10 year limit to his attempts at escape? Because after 10 years, he was released. Aww. Isn't that nice, giving Jerry Buck a second chance...except that after 3-months of supervised release, he's sent back. I guess Jerry Buck had trouble fitting in. 6 years later, he's released again. Still hasn't served 20 years. You know, if you try and break out of prison...not only should it be automatic serve the whole term no chance of parole, but you should also have years tacked on. "Aw, Jerry Buck, you don't wanna stay wif us for 20 years? Well, how 'bout 30 instead." So, he's released in 2005. Nine months later, he kills Tiffany Marie Souers. What does the
Anagram Gods say should be done to Jerry Buck?
Anagram for Jerry Buck Inman: Jerky, Manic burn. There you have it folks, he is a manic jerk and he should burn. He shouldn't have been released.
Fifth and final item,
Dennis and Molly McCurry have been starving their adopted children. The 5 year old weighed less than 20 lbs. My 1 year old weighs more than 20 lbs. The kids say they were chained to beds to keep them away from food while Dennis, Molly, and their biological daughter ate nicely. Between these guys and Boozer Mom up there, I don't...I mean...there aren't words.
Well, there are...
To Boozer Mom (her name is Lorinda J. Hawkins), John Brown, David Koresh, Charles Manson, Adolph Hitler, Ted Kaczinsky, Kim Jong-Il, Jerry Buck, and Dennis and Molly McCurry, and while we are at it, let's throw in Lebanon and Israel both...FUCK...YOU!
Onion Meme Layer 9 and the Full Monty.
LAYER NINE:
– Number of drugs taken illegally: During my 3 or 4 years of collegiate insanity and rebellion, I smoked marijuana a couple of times. Didn't do anything for me. Would never do it again.
– Number of people I could trust with my life: 123.8...Hell, I don't know. I'm a trusting guy. It's easier for me to say how many people I don't trust and I don't think that gets into double digits. Now, of course, who I call on shifts based on ability of the person to handle my needs.
– Number of CDs that I own: A little more than or less than 200. I like music, but the discs are always getting damaged and sometimes I get in music buying frenzies.
– Number of piercings: 0...I personally don't think guys do well with piercings.
– Number of tattoos: 0, though I'm willing to get 1. Moogie and I are supposed to go get tattoos one day.
– Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 6 I think. 4 obituaries as survivng kin, one wedding announcement, and I was interviewed in 9th grade because I was part of a group going to Russia for the summer. It was with the
People to People: Initiative for Understanding people. That is, people working for People to People, not that the initiative was to understand people. I mean, it was but...awww, forget it...
– Number of scars on my body: I've got all kinds of small scars especially on my hands. I've got a couple of fairly noticable ones on my arms, but not the kind that would put you off your feed. – Number of things in my past that I regret: Regret's kind of a harsh word. It's dangerous to consider what you would go into the past and change if you had the opportunity because it's hard to say how that would affect your life. I'm content now. I have a wonderful wife, 4 1/3 wonderful children, a job I enjoy, a house with character, and more animals than I ever thought I'd have. So, while there are things in my past that I would say were mistakes, since those events and decisions lead me to this point, I'm not going to say I regret any of them.
THE FULL MONTY (EXTRA STUFF)
Lived: 32 years as of today. 32 years of experimentation and risk taking, within reason.
Current addiction: Diet coke, chocolate, playing City of Heroes.
Music: There's very little style of music that I don't listen to at least some. Some rap, some country, some classical, some jazz, a lot of rock.
Favorite TV shows: I don't watch telly. Cable/Satellite costs more than it's worth for the options available. We do rent series through Netflix or buy them if we know we want them. We have every Star Trek episode from every series. Firefly was great. Ballykissandgel and Coupling from BBC are coming in from Netflix. Frasier and Third Rock from the Sun.
Favorite Movies: Oh, man...let's see. Usual Suspects, Unbreakable, Jaws, Grosse Point Blank, Payback, Halloween, Event Horizon, Demolition Man, The Story of Us, Unforgiven, The Outlaw Josey Wales...damn, let me stop cause I could keep going for a long time. I love movies.
Favorite Actors: Brad Pitt, Val Kilmer, John Cusack, Viggo Mortensen, Steve Buscemi, Vincent D'onofrio, Vince Vaughn, Denzel Washington, Steve Martin, Arnold Swartzenegger, William H. Macey, Patrick Warburton, Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman...again, I could probably keep going.
Favorite Actresses: Queen Latifah, Janeane Garofalo, Selma Heyak, Joan Cusack, Meg Ryan, Julia Stiles.
Favorite Sport: Football.
And that's it...Thank you for joining us for this special 5 day broadcast of The Onion Meme, starring Asshole. Tomorrow we'll return you to your regularly scheduled blog. Happy trails.
Onion Meme Layer 7 and 8
LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: Oddly, no. I apparently never knew people who were willing to play such games, cause there's never been anything to prevent me. By anything I mean shame.
– If so, was it mixed company: Not sure why you would want to without mixed company.
– Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Glad you're not asking numbers...
– Been caught "doing something": If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to say something other than "doing something". Not really, though. Closest was "doing something" while someone was in the room sleeping and the person waking up. And yes, I know "doing something" doesn't mean self-service...
– Been called a tease: No. Can guys be teases?
– Gotten beaten up: No. It's hard for people to beat me up because you'd have to take me seriously first.
– Shoplifted: Not intentionally. I've forgotten stuff that slipped behind something in the cart and not realized until I loading the car.
– Changed who you were to fit in: Hard to answer. Simply because, really did I change, or did I explore a realm of my personality that I don't usually explore because I'm not around those types of people most of the time. Most people would say, "yes, Asshole, you have changed who you were..." I'm just not sure I agree...
LAYER EIGHT:
– Age you hope to be married: The hope's gone. I'm living it BABY!
– Numbers and Names of Children: 4 1/3 kids right now. Delta-Boy, Zebra-Girl, Sierra-Girl, and Bravo-Boy. The 1/3 child will be either Yankee-Boy or November-Girl
– Describe your Dream Wedding: Halloween. Moogie and I dressed as either the monster of Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein, or Gomez and Morticia Addams.
– How do you want to die: In a way that brings me back as a ghost.
– Where you want to go to college: I went to Auburn University. WAR EAGLE! If I return for doctorate and masters, University of South Carolina or a smaller local college.
– What do you want to be when you grow up: Former Teacher of the Year for my school district. Comic shop owner and comic book writer.
– What country would you most like to visit: Napal. BIG ASS MOUNTAINS! Will I climb them? Hell no, I'm not stupic, but the whole country is in the mountains and to just have the highest mountains in the world on that close...I love horizons. But I'm game to visit pretty much anywhere...just not Russia. Did it once, almost died. I'M NOT DOING IT AGAIN!
Tomorrow's the final day with Onion Meme Layers 9 and the Full Monty. It's really called "Extra Stuff" but we can be creative. Tomorrow we'll find out the Asshole's name has appeared in the newspaper and what his favorite movies are.
Oh, and while you are meandering about the web...check out
http://www.sternestmeanings.com/talk/talk...it makes anagrams and I'm addicted. Like Parent Teacher Asshole also forms, Pleasant Hero Cheaters.
Onion Meme Layer 5 and 6...The Midway Point
LAYER FIVE:
– Smoke: I did for three or four years in college. My wild rebellious days. I only really want to now when I'm in a bar and I almost never go to bars anymore. Occasionally on Fridays after work.
– Cuss: I didn't used to hardly at all. Now it seems fairly regular. I've wondered if being a teacher has brought the cussing out of me, or being a husband, or being a father. But, I figure all three...the Triumvirate of Cussing Terror.
– Sing: I was in a church choir when I was really young. Sister Beta, the younger of the two sisters, both older than I am, told me once I needed to sing more quietly...I was too loud. I told her she wasn't the choir director. Some time later I stopped. Some more time later, Sister Beta told me they needed me in the choir because people were leaving the choir. "I thought I was too loud...," I replied with indignation. "Yeah, but we need volume now..." I said no. I was a budding asshole even back then. Now I just sing in my car or to annoy my wife.
– Take a shower everyday: Very close. As I let my mane grow, I'm showering closer to every day. Weekends are when I tend not to shower. Saturday and/or Sunday.
– Do you think you've been in love: How do you spell that? L-O-V...Heh, just kidding. Yes.
– Want to go to college: Been. Auburn university, greatest college in the world. WAR EAGLE! Doesn't mean I can't return. Want to? Not really. Feel like it's something I should do? Certainly. Only time will tell.
– Liked high school: Yep. I had more girlfriends at one time when I was in High School...not that I'm proud of that, honey-pie. *innocent looks*
– Want to get married: Can you have more than one wife at a time? You know, cause I bet I could...you know, after the High School comment, maybe I should shut my Asshole...Well, except to say that I am in love with my wife...
– Believe in yourself: Yep. I'm a pretty arrogant, self-confident asshole.
– Get motion sickness: No.
– Think you're attractive: Well, I'd say I'm average. I've been told repeatedly that I have pretty eyes, and I'm sure they meant "pretty" in a rugged manly way. I don't know about that...they're kinda squinty. I can admit I have nice haur. Full of body and soft. I think, though, the above mentioned confidence is the most attractive thing about me. I'm not spectacular otherwise.
– Think you're a health freak: Um...How do you spell that? H-E-L-L
– Get along with your parent(s): Get along with as in not fight? Yes. Get along with as in having long friendly conversations about life, sports, TV, politics? No. I find it very hard to talk to my father, and I'm not sure why.
– Like thunderstorms: I love naps, and thunderstorms are the provide the best napping weather...So, oh yeah...
– Play an instrument: I played trumpet in middle school band. I was almost goof, first chair in 6th grade...But then I got bored and had a director I didn't like, so it didn't last. Now I blow my trumpet and roaches keel over.
LAYER SIX: In the past month have I…
– Drank alcohol: Yep. I love beer.
– Smoked: Nope.
– Done a drug: Uh...no.
– Made Out: What is this, elementary school? I almost asked if it was middle school and changed my mind having heard my middle school talk about stuff that Playboy wouldn't even show. Anyways, yes. Baby #5 on the way.
– Gone on a date: 4 children keep Thrifty Moogie and I pretty much at home.
– Gone to the mall?: Nope. Hate the mall.
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No, I've never been a big fan of Oreos.
– Eaten sushi: No. I don't like cooked fish, much less raw.
– Been on stage: Depends. You mean have I acted in a play? No. Do you mean have I been on a stage for any reason? Yes. My school's graduation as Teacher of the Year. My principal wanted to recognize my "accomplishment" which I think was just that I've been there longer than anyone else.
– Been dumped: No, my wife is very, very patient.
– Gone skating: I've skated on thin ice. See the above comment about being dumped.
– Made homemade cookies: No. I cook as little as possible for the cleanliness of the kitcher.
– Gone skinny dipping: I WISH! But unfortunately, you have to go much further back than one month to get an affirmative on this one. Recollect my above comment about my college rebel years.
– Dyed your hair: No. Never have. Never will.
All right, tomorrow Layers 7 and 8, where we'll find out if Asshole ever stripped for game purposes and what the Asshole wants to be when he grows up.
Onion Meme Layer 3 and 4
LAYER THREE:
– Your most overused phrase on Text messaging: Heh, Text Messaging, that's cute. I say, "I think you're cute" to my wife all the time and "I love you", and that includes the 3 times I sent a text message on her phone.
– Your first waking thoughts: "Ugh. More time."
– Your best physical feature: My eyes. I get this from most women I've dated. I apparently have nice eyes. I think they're small and squinty. I can claim for myself nice hair. It's got a touch of curl, it's soft. I'm letting it grow out in a grand experiment to see what happens. I'll have a picture soon.
– Your most missed memory: Uh...Dunno...I miss it. Like
Indigo Girl, whom I got this meme from, I have to ask...What does that mean?
.
LAYER FOUR:
– Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke.
– McDonald's or Burger King: This one's tough. To answer this, I have to analyze each franchises versions of the 3 things I go to a burger joint for...1) Cheeseburgers 2) French Fries and 3) Chocolate milkshakes. I prefer the charbroiled taste of Burger King's burgers, but McDonald's has the world's greatest fast food french fries. Well, they certainly did before they stopped salting. Great, we're running neck and neck. BK 1, McD's 1 coming into the final point...the all important milkshake point...Man, the pressure's on. I mean, do I dare defy the Burger King? Will he behead me for betraying the Burger Kingdom? And what about the innocent clown? Will he be able to keep people laughing if I skip the Big Top for the Burger Castle? Well, the milkshake point goes to... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... BURGER KING! Burger King wins, long live the King!
– Single or group dates: I wooed my wife with single dates, but I was always more comfortable with group settings. I always felt more relaxed. The pressure was off. I didn't have to generate conversation, I could let other people keep the convo rolling. I had been on dates where I couldn't think of anything to say because the date had nothing to say. It's best if both members of the date take equal responsibility for the convo. A group date gives more people responsibility.
– Adidas or Nike: Eh, whatever. I guess I'd be more inclined to get Nike's, but I don't really care.
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Dunno, I don't drink tea.
– Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate. It's not a dessert if it's not chocolate.
– Cappuccino or coffee: I don't drink coffee.
Tune in tomorrow to find out of Asshole liked high school and if he's made out in the past month...though this link may help answer that question:
This Link
Beatles, Fathers-in-Law, and Onion Memes, Oh My!
Ok, I'm going to cram 3 topics into one Blog. Don't worry, I've greased the sides of both the blog and the topics, I've got my shoe horn, and a mallet...Let's get started.
Seems Liverpool's making the news. Apparently, Liverpool has a dark and seedy history as a part of the slave trade, and a number of the Liverpool streets are named after slave traders of the past. Funny, Liverpool is hardly synonymous with slavery. I've never threatened my children, when being especially annoying and hyper, to Liverpool them to the highest bidder. But, despite this, Liverpool felt the need to change some of its street names...That is...until...Penny Lane. That's right! Penny Lane, made famous by those hairy Brits, the Beatles, was named after a slave trader.
I imagine things occurred in the Liverpool capital a little something like this...
Liverpool City Official 1: We were right bloody bastards in the past and we have a lot of bloody street names associated with our bloody bastardiness with that whole bloody slave trade thing. Let's change all the bloody street names associated with the bloody slave trade.
Liverpool City Official 2: Good bloody idea...but, isn't Penny Lane named after a bloody slave trader?
LCO1: Bloody and?
LCO2: "AND!?!" Bloody 'ell! And the bloody Beatles have a song about it. That's the only bloody reason people come to bloody Liverpool, for that bloody street. We can't bloody change it!
LCO1: Oh, right. Bloody nevermind then.
I find this amusing because, as stated, no one thinks of Liverpool as a cesspool of slavery and bigotry. Most people, probably even living in Liverpool, didn't realize Penny was the last name of a Liverpool slave trader, much less any other street names they were going to change...But also, rather than change the street names for what I would assume would be noble, all-be-it misguided reasons, once they found out the most famous part of Liverpool would have to change its name, then they backed off. Money 1; Morals 0! I don't support these kinds of things, but this ammuses me.
And so, after telling my wife about the lively Liverpool antics,
Thrifty Momma accused me of complaining about her wacko diet and caffeine depravation experiments on her blog!
"How can you complain about me cutting out caffeine and being on a wacko diet when you know I've been eating like a squirrel at a nut buffet!"
"I didn't!"
"You did! Your newest comment!"
"I didn't...I talked about Diet Coke being my vehicle for caffeine."
"You did! Just yesterday!"
"I didn't!"
"Oh, wait...yeah, that was my dad. I'm always mixing you two up."
"Dear, Freud on line one..."
And, with that, I will be in trouble...I'll go ahead and admit that's a paraphrase of the conversation, but you get the basic idea. I'll still be in trouble. First sign that it's not the real conversation...If my lovely, beautiful, genius wife ever says something about a "nut buffet", I'd say, "Well, dear, I have your nut buffet right here" and give an alluring cock thrust. But after this post, I fear my nut buffet is apt to be cracked.........
And finally,
the Onion Meme from Indigo Girl. Damn, I know memes tend to be long, but this one's a beast! I think I'll do a couple of layers a day. Today...Layers 1 and 2:
LAYER ONE:
– Name: Clark "Bodog" Asshole
- Birth date: July 14, 1974
– Birthplace: Columbia, South Carolina. In the same hospital all 4 of my children were born, and my wife for that matter.
– Current Location: Prosperity, South Carolina,
in my chair, with a cat on me...
– Eye Color: Green or hazel or greenish hazel or hazelish green...something like that.
– Hair Color: Brown
– Height: 5'11"
– Righty or Lefty: Righty...that's for hands AND politics
– Zodiac Sign: Cancer...The Crab...I'm crabby...I'm a cancer...I should chance my name to Mel...Mel Anoma...
LAYER TWO:
– Your heritage: Pretty Scots/Irish as far as I know
– The shoes you wore today: I dunno. They are black leather shoes and they say George on them. That's all I know.
– Your weakness: Um, Full Figured women...comic books...guilt
– Your fears: I FEAR NOTHING! The previous statement doesn't cover parental inadequacies, parental and professional failures, death, and super-intelligent ants getting into my underwear.
– Your perfect pizza: Thrifty's homemade pizza with pepparoni.
– Goal you'd like to achieve: One goal? Heh, PORN STAR! Ok, no...uh, successful and confident children; District teacher-of-the-year; comic book writer;
world dominationTune in tomorrow for Layers 3 and 4 when we find out what the Asshole thinks first thing in the morning and whether or not the Asshole endorses McDonalds or Burger King...
I Never Thought I'd Say This...
But I need a new chair. I say this because I've never been very particular about my rump resters...but the status of my reality has shifted.
It all started when Thrifty mom's father bought us a laptop. I thought it was a wonderful gift...for TM...But I'd have little use for it because I'd be on the primary computer. See, the primary computer had my game on it...City of Heroes/Villains...But Thrifty kept saying, "You should put CoH/V on the laptop."
There's no way CoH/V could go on the laptop. In order to get the primary computer to run the game I had to buy an expensive video card...That little computer can't handle THE GAME! But she assures me it can...
So, one day, having nothing in particular to do, I decide to give it a shot. Loadloadloadloadloadload and...
Log in...
and...
Play...
Wait a minute...How in the world does such a small computer have the power to run THE GAME!? Why, this little thing in like The Tardis! Bigger on the inside than on the outside.
Now, the Laptop is my primary computer.
"But, Asshole, you were talking about a chair, not a computer..."
True, now we get to the second act of this little drama...
Now I surf and play on the Laptop. But, unlike the Primary computer, the Desktop, I can sit anywhere...but I choose to sit in my spot...my side of the couch. The seat which has cupped my buttocks so comfortingly through many a movie. And yet, there's a disturbance in the force. Every time I'm on the Laptop, I'm surrounded by nosy munchkins. To my left, to my right, ON MY BACK! Detecting my displeasure with being inbabied by 4 nosy babies, Thrifty makes another wise suggestion, " Why don't you sit in the chair in the corner."
So, I now spend a large amount of my time in The Chair. Now, I'm a stereotype. I'm Archie Bunker. It's my chair. It's Dada's chair. I come walking in and see a halfnaked grib (you may call them girls) standing upside down in The Chair and I have to say, "Zebra-Girl, this isn't Mardi Gras. Get out of My Seat and put some pants on."
Sometimes I'm not even so verbose. Sometimes all the children get is, "Move it." With a wave of the hand, naturally.
And now, I need a new one...It's not a bad chair. But it's not very supportive of my back, and I have a bad back. I don't know why, but I guess the why isn't important...just that I have one. And there's a button loose which I snag often when I'm shifting. Why do chairs have buttons on the seats anyway? Is it to make us feel safe that some tentacled demon isn't going to come up through the chairs and do horrible things to out asses? And, I've sat in better...Yep, the old, "I've had better."
What do you expect. Read the top of the page..."Asshole" isn't there just to justify the 'A' in PTA.
But, whatever you do, don't get me a chair from Macy's. "Why?" you ask, or "Whatever..." you mumble in disinterest...But let's deal with the "Why?"
Massachusetts has done a nice thing. It's said that if you are gay, you can get married...Fuck the rest of the country. I admire Massachusetts for that. And you know what?
Macy's had to shit on their parade.Summary, a Macy's store put up a window display with homosexual mannequins (?) in honor of gay pride. Some whiny asshole complained and encouraged a bunch of assholes to complain. Macy's caved. Display got removed.
See, I want to own a store one day, preferably a comic shop, and I hope when I do I'll put something up that gets people upset and I'm told I need to bring it down so that I can say, "You know, show somewhere else and leave me alone." Which is what Macy's should have said.
Now, we all have a right to our opinions. It's how we express these opinions that give us trouble. The manager of this Macy's had an opinion and expressed it. Fair enough. Someone disagreed with his opinion. Fair enough. This person in disagreement then extorted and encouraged others to extort the company to keep the manager from expressing his opinion.
I don't know it's extortion? Ldet's follow the logic.
Opponents to homosexuality are typically opposed because of religious, moral reasons. I don't typically believe in the concept of a "victimless crime" but if there's ever been one, it's homosexuality. It's victimless until you bring in the spiritual wellbeing of people based on certain interpretations of the Bible. Then the victim is societies morality.
Now, they see passages in the Bible against Homosexuality and latch onto them with rampant fervor, but passages about not judging your fellow man are up for debate. See, I'm not very religious, but I remember going to church and I remember that God said it's not my place to judge. Basically, God said, "Leave the judging to me." Right O', Lord!
Now, I've made two accusations...extortion and judgement...Here's how I know that judgement and extortion were used to get Macy's to change the display...
Response to homosexual display from religious person not supportive of homosexuality because it is sinful without extortion or judgement:
"To Whom It May Concern,
I was walking past your store front and saw your display with the homosexual motif. This concerned me. I frequently shop Macy's and love your products. As a concerned patron, I wanted to make sure you considered how the Lord, our God, would feel that you are judging homosexuals. As I love your products, I will continue to shop here, but I would not feel that I am doing my Christian duty if I do not make sure you are aware of the possible spiritual repercussions your decision to support homosexuality could have on your soul."
Response to homosexual display from religious person not supportive of homosexuality because it is sinful with extortion and judgement:
"To Whom It May Concern,
I was walking past your store front and was appaled when I saw your homosexual motif. How dare you expose innocents to such a sinful act. God has let us know well His feelings on homosexuality and your willingness to support these sinners with your store shows that you are in league with the Devil. Change your store front now! I will not shop in a store rife with sin as yours is. I will not shop in your store and your soul will not be saved until you remove that display."
Now, which letter would more likely get Macy's to change its display? That's extortion and judgement.
So I need a new chair...as long as it's not from Macy's. Yep, I can extort too...
Another Wonderful Summer School Day
Ah, it's another wonderful day at summer school. Wait, did you notice that? Complete lack of past tense in that sentence...look!
"Ah, it's another wonderful day at summer school."
Why, by Jove, that's present tense...Does that mean? Could it possible mean?
YES! I'm blogging...AT SCHOOL!
Oh, my goodness...Don't I feel all dirty, spending my work time doing something frivilous like blogging when I should be teaching my students or at least monitoring them. Can you effectively monitor and blog at the same time? Not likely. I better get up and do my job... ... ... ...
WAIT A BLOODY MINUTE! My students aren't here...Where'd they go? If the director finds out that I lost my students, I'll be in deep dung. Huh, but funny thing...I don't remember seeing my students at all today...I better check my roster.
Well, I'll be a monkey's butler...My students never showed up. I usually teach 3 students in a summer school and not a one of them showed up...
HA!
Ok, so on with blogging...Did I tell you about last Thursday? The seventh grade summer school teachers gathered round and one said, "The either grade teachers are giving their students treats on the last day of every week. I wonder if we could get something for today?"
Uh-uh. See, it's summer school. You know who goes to summer school? The students who didn't try hard enough. Know what that means? That by giving them treats, you are rewarding them for not trying hard enough. I see it every day. Teachers taking their students outside...No! You don't make summer school pleasant at all.Summer school runs for 6 weeks and it's supposed to teach them what they didn't learn in the previous 36 weeks. We are basically giving them a free pass, get out of repeating your grade free card. If you can sit back and do nothing and simply complete a simple 6 week breeze course to pass, who cares if you fail! I'll tell ya', apparently a lot of parents don't. So, you get to move up to the next grade, your parents don't care...what's to keep you from failing consistently so you can just breeze through summer school?
We have to make summer school unpleasant. We have to tough, we have to be serious, we have to NOT do anything the students want to do. No treats, no outside, nothing. Classwork and good behavior. Make it miserable so that the next year when they are deciding if they are going to try to pass or not, they can think, "Well, Summer School work is easier, but man, it sucks...no fun, boring, nothing. I'd rather stay home sleeping late and playing my X-Game Station than put up with THAT mess again. I'll do the work."
Oh, and I just got word that one of my three students showed up. WOOHOO!
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!
I love America and today's her birthday.
Thomas J. DiLorenzo has some interesting things to say on this day...I agree with a lot of what he says. Hell, all that he says here.
I do disagree, however, with this sudden preoccupation with what the founding fathers of our nation intended, thought, believed...etc. One, it's funny that they are spoken of as if they were all the same person with the same singular view, which isn't true. They often disagreed. So, when I hear, "The founding father's were against Capitalism [or what have you]..." Well, clearly, some of them were not. Also, 200 years changes how society views the world. In fact, I would wager, that some of the founding fathers realized that and thus we have Amendments, thus giving us the ability to change the Constitution.
And kind of off topic I want to throw out one explosive rant...Those of you walking around saying that you are embarrassed of America and that you are American because you disagree with the current government...Grow up. How can you be embarrassed in a country where we will vastly change the government in 2 years. And every 4 we have the chance too. Every 4 years we get to review our leader's progress and say either, "Here, let's see what you can do in the next 4 years." or "You know, I think we've seen enough...don't call us, we'll call you." How many countries can do that? Canada has to wait more the 4 years! The majority don't ever have the option unless they rise up and slay their leaders. And we can even kick a President out of office before his 4 years are up if he does something really heinous!
But some of us are embarrassed of our country...Well, pull up your bootstraps and do something. Vote. Write. Write letters threatening to support anyone but the guy currently in office. Find someone more suitable and do what you can to get your guy in whatever political office you want him in. It may take time, but it'll work...It'll work better than complaining on the internet, at least...
