PTA: Parent, Teacher, Asshole

New Holiday Proposal

The existence of Fathers' Day amuses me. It's not that I have anything against Fathers' Day, or Mother's Day, or Earth Day, but these holidays amuse me. I mean, the people celebrated in Fathers' and Mother's Day are celebrated simply because of the relationship they have with certain other people and there's an assumed positiveness in this relationship. The founding of Fathers' Day is even based on a glittering generality.

Sonora Smart Dodd wanted a holiday like Mother's Day because her mother died giving birth to a sixth child and her father raised the children on his own since then. She wanted to honor her father:

Sonora Smart Dodd: Chairmen of the Holiday Committee, I move to start a holiday which honors William Smart.

Holiday Committee Chair 1: Who is this...William Smart?

SSD: He's my father, Chairman. We could call it Smart Day...

HCC 2: Hrmm, a day to honor...fathers? Interesting...

SSD: Or Smart's Day, with an apostrophe, because we wouldn't want people thinking we were honoring only smart people...that wouldn't be very many...

HCC 3: By Jove, I'm a father! Let's do it!

SSD: Maybe William Smart's Day...

HCC 1: Yes, all fathers are wonderful. I, too, am a father, and the father is the king if the castle. It's a crime that mothers have their Mother's Day while fathers have been left to languish...

SSD: Wait, what?

HCC 1: ...in fact, without fathers, there would be no mothers to honor. All in favor of Fathers' Day?

SSD: Wait, no...

Holiday Committee minus one member: HERE!

HCC 1: Smythe, what's the hold up with your "HERE"?

Smythe: Just, well, where's the apostrophe?

HCC 1: Good Grief! After the "s"...mumblemumbledamnapostrophes

Smythe: But it's before the "s" in Mother's Day.

HCC 1: That's because they honor mothers individually, while we, we will honor the institute of fatherness, all of fatherhood.

SSD: Nooooooooooooo!!!!!

Which, of course, is nothing like what really happened, although Sonora Smart Dodd really did start Fathers' Day and the apostrophe did start off after the "s".

Now we have Father's Day, the shift of the apostrophe denoting a more personal, individualized celebration.

But still, based on the relationship between one person and another.

So I thought we could start another holiday to honor, well, me...Youngest Sibling Day. It could be held every year on February 28. February, the youngest of the months, being the smallest, and you know February has a hell of a time at family reunions.

February: Come on guys, leave me alone. Enough with the noogies.

July: Haha, oh Feb...people don't even say your name right..."Feb-u-ary"...Haha, and you just take it. There's a fucking "r" in there. Stand up for yourself.

And the 28th because while 28th is usually the last day of the month, just as the youngest sibs of the world know, one day you may turn around and you're no longer the last...

Oh, and why's Earth Day amusing? It was founded by Gaylord Nelson....GAYLORD! Now that's comedy...

posted by Bodog @ 4:03 PM 0 comments

Swagger Wagon

No, seriously, honey, where are the kids?

posted by Bodog @ 10:01 AM 1 comments

Happy (Belated) Fathers' Day

Happy (Belated) Fathers' Day to all of the fathers out there. Well, ok, maybe not all of the fathers. To all fathers who are present, and don't beat their children or wives (or other forms of physical abuse), or emotionally abuse them, and don't waste the family money on beer in favor of, you know, food....Maybe we should rename it You're-Not-a-Shitheel-Father Day.

Good Dad...

This is not some anti-father post. My father is wonderful. I'm a father and I'm wonderful. What? No, you can trust me. *Big Grin*

After all, the same conditions can apply to mothers on Mothers' Day. There aren't that many holidays where it becomes that individually subjective. If you believe in Jesus, you celebrate Christmas. Hell, you don't even have to believe in Capital J to celebrate, but the post about changing Christmas to Commercialmas for a more honest and all inclusive holiday is out of season right now.

On Arbor Day we don't say, "Here's to all the trees, except those fuckers who fell on my powerlines and made me miss the last period of the NBA Championship game."

On Labor Day we don't say, "Here's to all them laborers, except the ones who called in sick when it was just a hangover."

And on Veteran's Day we don't say, "Here's to all the Veteran soliders, except those from Abu Ghraib."

And I don't think we should.

Bad Dad...

That way, most of us who love our fathers can maintain the status quo, but people whose fathers were real shitheels (not assholes....asshole is a term of honor on this blog), then here's the day to honor your hurt, angry, resentful feelings. (And yes, the same should be done for mothers, but come on, maintain focus, it's the day after Fathers' Day).

Speaking of maintaining focus, on a side note, I'm proud to say that my Father's Day was spent sleeping on the couch in my underwear with a beer in hand, the natural state of fathers everywhere. Vive la Fathair...! (French, naturally, for Live Father!)

I had meant to share my ideas for a new holiday, but my brain had other things on its mind, so I'll return tomorrow for to tell about my completely new holiday inspired by Fathers' Day.

posted by Bodog @ 2:22 PM 2 comments