As the 2009-2010 school years trudles through the first nine weeks, the drama starts. It's not as big as dramas in the past, but enough to put me in an odd situation about which I am uncomfortable. It involves The High School ELA Teacher.
Seems The Principal has been talking with The Head of the ELA Department about The High School ELA Teacher. It's not a mystery that high school students at ARSE (the Alternate Reality School of Excellence) have hated English for several years now. The Principal has decided it's time to see what the problem is...especially after she got called into the Senior class last year to regain order. Now, even at ARSE, with our generally behaviorally challenged student body, the senior class is the one about which you have to worry the least. The end of school is in sight, so they know to just keep their heads down and slug their way through the required work. But apparently last year, the end being nigh wasn't enough for them to keep from revolting.
So I, Mr. Asshole, somewhere along the line, got named the ELA Department Chair for ARSE. It's an odd situation to be in because the Department Chair imparts info from the Head to the teaching masses. At ARSE, there's me and there's the High School Teacher. For many years, we fell under the blanket of the local mainstream high school and middle school chairs. Also awkward, other than no other department chair has teachers "under" him (or her) who is at a different grade level. I mean, middle school chairs deal with middle school teachers, etcetera. But I'm the chair "over" one high school teacher. Need more awkwardness? She's been teaching 30+ years and I've been teaching 9. When she got hired at ARSE, I had been there about 8 months before her. I find it hard for a middle school teacher with less than 10 years under his belt to confer with a high school teacher with more than 30.
But apparently she hasn't changed in 30 years and since I've worked "with" her longer than ELA Head has, since she started just 2 years ago, I'm called in to consult. And since The Principal is a science girl, I'm called in to consult her. Since I'm the Department Chair, they have every right to call me in.
Because things came to head as interims came nigh. It came to The Principal's attention that all but one senior was failing senior English. So I was called in to help assess the assignments given to the senior class. I boiled down to finding out how much communication there was about the writing assignments, that very few standards were being hit, and there was no variety. A lot of time was spent on one text with several just standard papers.
So I was asked what I was advise the teacher in question to do. Read the standards. Some of the papers could have hit more standards by adding to the focus. Try some texts other than the classics: Something more contemporary. Hold class differently with Book Circles or something, but said she would need support. Don't just tell her to use Book Circles (or whatever) and leave. Say that they would meet again in a period of time to discuss what worked, what didn't, and how to improve it.
All the while I unashamedly ducked and covered. I've done my job by conferring with my bosses about the situation, but I'd rather not be seen as a part of this "conspiracy" if I can avoid it. It will turn very cold when it's learned I've been a part of the meetings about how to get her to change her ways. But I do have an interest because I've been told that if she doesn't change, then we switch positions and I teach high school and she teaches middle school. She probably won't, opting for retirement or a new school before teaching middle school, but I'd rather not risk it.
So this weekend I'm looking for alternative books for seniors to read. So I turn to you...do you have any recommendations for books to get high school seniors to read? My only requirement, as per the ELA Head, is "...get them to read."
The school year pretty much started for me yesterday. I had a meeting/training session to go to because I am one of the ARSE's Cohort Facilitators.
Dictionarsy
ARSE n. - Acronym for the Alternate Reality School of Excellence, a school for the behaviorally challenged...but the district has to put those bad teachers somewhere.
COHORT FACILITATOR n. - a person who facilitates cohorsion in a cohort group.
COHORT GROUP n. - 1. a group of educators who are forced to get together to research the answer to an "agreed upon" question and implement the results to improve student learning. There are four strands of groups focusing on Literacy Across the Curriculum, Curriculum Planning, Student Engagement, and Data Driven Decision Making. 2. just another meeting.
Now, I know what this session is going to be...a waste of time. I did the training last year, my first year as cohort facilitator, but they are paying me to be there, so fine. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they changed something and it costs less to pay us for the meeting than it would to put post-it-notes on our boxes.
Well, right from the start, I find out I'm right.
Kathy Kohort: "You new facilitators will learn what your responsibilities are, and for you returning facilitators it will be a refresher and you can share your experiences with the noobs."
Mr. Asshole: "Did you say boobs?"
Kathy Kohort: "No, I said restraining order..."
Anyway, fine...free cokes, some candy...I can survive...
Well, being right is a fleeting experience...Quickly the meeting turned from a "Here's What You Will Be Doing" session into a Gripe-Bitch-Moan-Complain Session.
Mr. Gripe: "I'd like my group to put forth more initiative, but I'm having to do everything myself."
Mr. Bitch: "My name is an oxymoron...and speaking of morons, why do we have a strand on making data driven decisions. Shouldn't the department of education do all that data stuff?"
Mrs. Moan: "I'm not nearly as sexy as my name sounds, and I'm real loud, which means I'm right! And I know you Kathy Kohort, so I get to ruin your whole training session by being a bitch, no offense Mr. Bitch."
Mr. Bitch: "None taken. And why do we have to learn how to drive? Shouldn't the state just drive us around? They made the traffic laws to begin with."
Mrs. Moan: "Hey, I haven't ruined my buddy Kathy's day yet, shut up! Anyway, shouldn't the cohort groups be homogenous based on subject? My group last year had math and social studies and science and, eww, English teachers. Should we really be integrating?"
Mr. Complain: "Yeah, because what works in an, eww, English class won't work in a math class..."
Mrs. Moan: "HEY! I'm loud, I don't need your help!"
1 1/2 hours in we took a break and we weren't a quarter done with the agenda...
Poor Kathy Kohort zipped through the rest of the stuff to let us get out on time, actually early, but I suspect she really just wanted a drink. Now, I had retorts for all of these...people...and poor Kathy Kohort was clearly getting sucker punched into the ropes and couldn't keep her hands on the ball (mixed metaphors are the BEST!), but I know from experience that Working at ARSE means working in, well, an alternate reality where the rules of physics are greatly altered. What happens in ARSE stays in ARSE, because it won't work anywhere else. Also, I didn't want Mrs. Moan to have another reason to keep talking.
Mr. Gripe, you're problem is you aren't being an effective facilitator. We were told we are not the leaders, we faciliate discussion, help things run smoothly and keep rolling. That's it. You are clearly acting like a leader.
Mr. Bitch, do you want the state department to tell you what to do in your classroom based on their interpretation of data about students they've never met? I like being able to decide what's best for MY students and sometimes we need to better learn how to interpret the data and react to it.
Mrs. Moan and Mrs. Complain, whether you have a degree in education or you went through one of those state run programs to move from some other job to a teaching job, when you were being told how to teach you spent a lot of time in classes with people in every discipline. If your focus question is broad enough, then everyone will get something.
AND WHY ARE ANY OF YOU RETURNING AS COHORT FACILITATORS IF YOU HATE IT THIS MUCH!!!!! One actually said, "This is my third year. I'm a glutton for punishment." Yeah, I hate spinich so I make sure I've got some at every meal...
At the end she had us split into two groups to read some articles and do an activity unless you had some comments about the cohort structure so she could take them to the Powers That Be. Gripe, Bitch, and Moan did not go up...the few who went up were predominantly the ones that chimed in a "yeah, I agree" kind of thing.
I don't understand. I'm not a big cohort fan, but you make the best with what you can. You voice your concerns to the Powers That Be, not the poor girl charged with training us, and then do the best that you can. There will be several cohort groups which will be a complete waste of time because of bad leadership...or should I say...facilitatorship.
Today two girls got into a cat fight at the end of 2nd period.
Cat 1: Don't tough my stuff.
Cat 2: *Bends down and touches Cat 1's shoe with the tip of her finger*
Cat 1: *Grabs Cat 1's hair*
Cat 2: Slaps Cat 1
Cat 1: Slaps Cat 2
Mr. Asshole: *Steps between the two cats* "Cat 1, go to the office!"
Cat 2 also was sent to the office after Cat 1 was well established up there. Both Cats suspended until finals.
With Memorial Day coming to a close, the numbers keep running through my head. Yeah, of course the millions of soldiers from the US of A's past and present who put their lives on the line for this country...naturally.
But there's a small number running through my head screaming like a hyperactive 6 year old jacked up on icecream and cake and sweet, sugary soda. That number? 9!
That number represents the number of days for how long I must keep my sanity. 9 days until, as Alice Cooper shrieks so elegantly, "School's out for summer!"
But I can break that number down into something even more pleasant...6 full days, 3 half days...
But that still seems like a long time where my sanity is concerned. In the past few days we've had reports of fights and smoking at the bus stop, where parents are instructed to wait with their children until they are picked up by the bus. I have to wonder why we have the rule if, when things go wrong at the bus stop, like fights and smoking, nothing is done about the lack of parental supervision. We've found a bag of weed. I've been accused of slamming a door into a student which, luckily, was disproved by video evidence that the student was not behind the door as she claimed to be.
I'm hanging on by a sheer, gossamyr thread...and that thread is 9 days...or 6 full and 3 half...6 full 3 half days to "Stay on target," as Porkins said in Star Wars Episode IV...before being blown into oblivion...
Today I watched Saturday Detention. Now, normally, it's a combination of middle and high school students. This morning, however, it was just middle school students, so it was like an extra school day...ugh.
How are middle school students awake that early in the morning? The beginning of the morning is supposed to be easy because they're half asleep, but not this time. Loud and talking. The point of Saturday Dentention starting at 8:00 in the morning is to make everyone mad. Parents mad, students...no one wants to get up that early on a Saturday. That's the point of a Saturday. One day when you have no reason to stop sleeping. But no, happy and loud...
Great...
They begin talking about a fight at the bus stop. I get names of those involved, location, police involvement. Then the following exchange:
Student 1: "Mr. Asshole, here's what happened." Student 2: "Don't tell him! He'll tell Mrs. Pricipal!" Mr. Asshole's Inner Monologue: "Too late, bright boy. You've just flashed your lights at me after I've already been pulled over by the cop. Warning - Epic Fail!"
I am constantly amazed how my students talk as if I'm not listening or won't report the antics about which I hear. I am ever vigilant. I am ever listening. And your secrets will not remain secret once I learn them. I am...teacher...
This morning I went out to crank the car so that it would warm up before the kids and I headed off, and both going to the car and coming back to the house, I got slowed down by a ho demanding my attention. Scandalous.
If an American scientist found out that the Earth was going to explode and no one believed him and he was able to build a rocket to send his newborn son to a distant, inhabited planet while being educated about the American way of life, let's say the planet Boron, and in the strange rays of Boron's sun, that boy had super powers, he would become known as Sue-per Man and his greatest power would be his Litigation Vision.
Face it...we can't do ANYTHING without fearing someone's going to call a lawyer. Especially in the education field. Sometimes it seems like I hear "I'm gonna sue" every day at school.
A student said he was going to sue the principal because he brought an MP3 player to school, which is expressly forbidden and she took it and held on to it for the day. At the end of the school day, he retrieved it, took it home with him and after a minimum of two hours, the amount of time he says the bus ride takes and the reason he had the player to begin with, turned it on and found out it wasn't working properly. 2 hours minimum when anything could have happened that he might innocently not know would damage the player, but his first thought is not, "Man, I shouldn't have brought that to school," but "I'm going to sue."
Another student is put up for expulsion. His mother says she's contacting the NAACP and the Rainbow Coalition because we teachers and the principal are racist and she wants to sue. Let's just say she got a happy resolution and he, the child, didn't learn anything about controlling his behavior.
You know, we all have our bad days. We all have those days when the students just drive us up the wall, the parents seem to be the biggest batch of idiots ever, coworkers seem utterly incompetant, and the people in charge at the district office seem to know less about education than a rock knows about swimming. Every teacher has that kind of day from time to time and every human has an analogous type of day. It happens.
And yet...there are appropriate ways to express these feelings...and inappropriate ways.
Appropriate: Talking with intimate friends/family to get frustrations off your chest in a private conversation not using specific names.
Inappropriate: Over a drink at a restaurant using first and last names where any local could overhear and know about whom you are speaking.
Appropriate (admittedly questionably so): Anonymously blogging frustrations without use of real names, locales, etcetera.
Inappropriate: Posting on FaceBook your hatred and contempt where it is easily determined who you are, who your students are, and what school you teach at, and including photos of yourself partying like a college student at a Greek Mardi Gras kegger.
I'm looking at you, Charlotte teachers, who felt it ok to say "I hate my students" online. Well, really, ever, when you get right down to it.
If you hate somebody or something, you can't be expected to try your hardest for that person or thing and you can't be expected to be impartial about that person or thing.
Now I don't know these people, and I can't guarantee that the teacher who said, "I hate my students," didn't have the worst day ever and was just venting. But after saying something like that, "I hate my students," and you don't mean it, you quickly amend your statement. You explain that you don't really. You're just frustrated. It seems like they're doing this or that out of spite and it's hard to not take it personally, but you know they are children...even high school seniors are still just children...and it's not personal, so you don't hate them. I can only assume that teacher who said, "I hate my students," did not quickly amend the statement.
The teacher who talked about her "ghetto" school...no justification.
The partying? Well, what you do one your own time is up to you. What you put out there where your students can find it and the parents of your students...That's not up to you. I used to smoke. I stopped largely because I had to stand in class and tell my students that they should not smoke. I couldn't do it. So I quit. What you do validates the act for your students. If they can find out about it, you risk teaching your students more with that picture on the internet than all the lesson plans you prepare for the year. The most important thing students can learn from a teacher is not grammar and mathematics and history. It's how to be a respectable human. A good person who doesn't have a lot of book learning is still a good person. An asshole who knows a lot is still an asshole. Take it from one. Now ask yourself...With whom would you rather be trapped on a desert island?
So the question becomes why would you, someone helping mold the future, but such negativeness out on the internet?
Answer: Validation.
Recently some poor kid committed suicide on webcam. He announced it on a board. People watched as he downed pills and went to sleep. They encouraged him. (Some did try and talk him out of it.) Why did this kid publicly kill himself? Partly, probably, because he wanted someone to give him a reason not to do it. But according to some "experts", and I don't know they are experts of or who they are, thus the quotations, but in today's internet age, the subconscious belief is that it's not worth doing or saying if everyone can't see it on the internet.
Is that what the internet has given us? The ability to lead egocentric lives within the privacy of our own homes? To brag how we partied and complain about our lives and share our deepest pain and desperation?
I'm not casting stones because my glass blogs and websites and CafePress shops would shatter into a million pieces. But maybe the anonymity so easily gained on the internet is allowing brazeness to flourish in our private lives. Maybe we're forgetting...it's not all about us...
Mr. Asshole: Hi, could I speak with Mrs. Studentsmama?
Mrs. S: This is she.
Mr. A: This is Mr. Asshole at ARSE, the Alternate Reality School of Excellence. How are you today ma'am?
Mrs. S: I'm fine.
Mr. A: Good. Well, unfortunately, I'm calling about an incident today with Quincey. In another teacher's class, he was caught playing an MP3 player but refused to hand it over to the teacher. The SRO and the Principal were called in before the MP3 player was received. At the last block of the day, I get the Class 4 students to discuss why they're having trouble with the rules while the other students play in the gym. I told Quincey that he was in Class 4 and to come with me. He went over to the soda machine and got a Coke (Side Note: I'm not getting paid for that product placement...Coke, call me or it becomes Pepsi). Class 4 students aren't allowed sodas from the machine so I went over, told him he wasn't supposed to get a Coke, but since he just got put on Class 4 I'd be happy to give it back on his way to the bus. He threw a fit, began yelling, threw an innocent coke to the ground, and he got a discipline referral for disrespect. I don't think the principal has had a chance to deal with the referral yet.
Mrs. S: Well, I know the principal doesn't like Quincey. He's prejudiced against him. And that school's supposed to be helping these kids but it's not. They get out of line, they don't get any chances, they just get in trouble. You run it like it's a prison with uniforms. He's just going to keep getting in trouble because the principal doesn't like him. I'm going to the schoolboard to tell them that you're not doing your job to try and help these kids.
Mr. A: (In a perfect world Ma'am, the principal is prejudiced but not against your son. Against breaking the rules. Quincey wouldn't be in any trouble had he not brought the MP3 player which wasn't supposed to be at school to beging with...or had he given it to his first period teacher to hold until the end of the day...or not played it...or handed it to the teacher when he was discovered with it...At this point, he would have just lost the MP3 player until the end of the year...but then had he realized I was being nice offering to return the drink at the end of the day, but instead he decided to make a big, loud, disrespectful display. HE had plaenty of opportunities, chances, to do the right thing. But instead he apparently gets, from his mother, excuses, justification, and rationale for why he is not in the wrong, rather than a simple, sweet, "Quinc...why didn't you just give someone the MP3 player?" You are doing more harm to your son than any detention he might get from the principal.
Mr. A: (What he really said) Yes, ma'am. You have a nice weekend.
Oh, if only I could say what I want to say to parents...
An Announcement from the Future Secretary of Education
My fellow Americans...my fellow teachers, I am here to announce a radical shift in the nature of our educational system.
In years past, we have used grade levels as a measure of educational achievement with standardized tests used to assess our level of success in educating our youth. However, this system allowed for disproportionate educational achievement. Natural human bias and teaching styles have allowed some students to proceed through the grades without learning the standards which they were supposed to learn. Schools have started taking short cuts to make it appear as if more academic success is being met than is actually the case...schools that do not have "on-grade level" classes, but only advanced and honors classes. Students moving through the grades despite scoring regularly below grade level on standardized tests. How have we been able to justify teaching a student ninth grade material when the student failed to demonstrate mastery of 8th grade standards? Social advancement has been practiced nationwide to move students up who never passed a class but were becoming too old for the grade in which they stagnated. How can we justify giving diplomas to students who graduated simply due to our frustration with their unwillingness to take school work seriously?
Those days are over.
Starting with select pilot districts and spreading to every public school district in the nation, the grade level system will be abolished. Age will no longer be a driving force in student advancement.
Students will take a computerized standardized test. The nature of the test will be adaptive to the test taker. Age will not be factored into the scored response. You will be able to clearly see how much more a 15 year old knows than a 5 year old by looking at the scores. The test will largely be skill based. The score a student makes will show administrators where the student's skill level is and classes will be assigned based on that score. This will insure students will not be taught something of which they already have mastery.
There will still be elementary, middle, and high schools where students will be sent to based on age, but classes within the schools will range based on the needs of the students' abilities. Thus, in theory, the same skills, the same basic class, may be taught in both a high school and an elementary school.
Diplomas will have on them the skill levels in the four core courses that they achieved at graduation. Students will begin to be responsible for their education. The value of their diploma will be in their hands, their dedication.
No longer will an 18 year old be forced to leave school because of success. They will now have the option to remain in school until the age of 21 to reach a skill level they desire.
Personal responsibility for one's education, a diploma that actually means something, and a focus on skills rather than age will lead to an education system that works and a stronger society.
School's underway and everything's running smoothly. This year we have a new system. The idea is that our students get in trouble and get sent to us because they don't know how to behave at school. That seems a strange concept, I know, because we're talking about middle school students, so my instinct is to ask, "How could they not learn how to behave at school in 6-8 years of going to school? It's not submarine warfare with precise calculations and in some respects shooting into the dark. It's thermo-nuclear warfare. All you have to do is get close!"
But if you look at their history, it seems apparent many just never learned, so we're teaching how to behave at school. We have an intake class where new students go into and they have to show a reasonable ability to follow classroom etiquette before they move on to a more academically driven class with more priveledges. In some cases it's working quite well. But there are some who just seem...stuck.
So now I'm stuck between feeling proud of my students that got it, have moved to the regular classes, and where there's a noticable change in attitude...and frustrated by those few students that just can't get their head in the game. But we're trying to show them that we're not just teaching proper school behavior...we're teaching proper life behavior. Because if you don't learn it, your life will be one struggle after another.
Like the local man...adult...who got called to a party by his son because there was some "trouble". The adult man shot and killed a teenage boy...a former student of mine in fact. That, really, should be enough tragedy for one story...but no. Friends of the teen pulled a drive-by at the guy's house...He shot back. They missed, he didn't...luckily no one got killed that time. Another gormer student of mine is now in jail for his part in that incident.
And yet it still gets worse...The adult is white...the teen was black...So then racial tension charged the area. The first two days of school, local schools were on alert status due to what was deemed reasonable information that retaliation was planned from friends of the killed teen. Nothing happened, though.
Then there were rumors of KKK rallies and neo-Nazis coming to town for a demonstration.
All because of one man who didn't know how to behave. A man of no worth has become the fulcrum to a disharmonious community.
Man...This was a downer...so I leave you with some cats.
1. Number of years teaching or your eldest child has been in school (k through college) ? I started as half-a-teacher in 1999 a couple of months after the year began, some depending on how you count it, 8-9 years. This is Delta-Boy's second school year.
2. Amount approximately spent on Back to School Items so far including clothes? Of my own movey for myself? Not much. I've order about $120.00 of stuff with my school account. The children? I dunno...ask mom!
3. Number of Days until school starts in your area (+ or - if it’s started)? -3 not counting the weekend.
4. Approximate distance school is from your house? 10 minutes away. If I drive on average 50 miles per hour and not counting time spent at stop signs and lights, how far am I from my workplace? Feel free to use scrap paper in figuring out your answer...
5. Amount of time it will take you or your child to get to school from your house by car or bus? It takes about 20 minutes to get Delta-Boy and Zebra-Girl to school. That's by car. No bus for us!
6. The actual or approximate number of students in the class you teach or your oldest child’s class? In the entire middle school program, right now, we have eight, plus a couple who haven't come in to do paperwork. By the end of the year, at least 12 in each class guaranteed, probably more. I don't know about the children's classes.
7. The number of classes in your grade or your oldest child’s grade level? Four core classes, plus PE and art...then two other classes for remediation, or fun, or whatever we teachers feel like doing as long as it's not just watching a movie or something wasteful.
8. The price to buy a full student lunch at school? $2.25 plus .50 for a milk.
9. Number of schools in your district? 12 Elementary, 4 middle, 3 high, and us...so...whew, I thought I was going to run out of fingers and toes, but twenty...so one per digit.
10. Early dismissal days already built into the calendar? 0. Though we have late start Wednesday so around 36 late starts.
11. Price paid for the most expensive back to school item so far? I spent the most on personalized pencils that say "Proud Student of Mr. Asshole"
If you got trapped in an elevator with someone, who would you want it to be? Naturally enough, my first choice is my wife. But I assume that we're thinking of famous people...So Queen Latifah or Janeane Garofalo. And Lewis Black cause I bet he'd make the time go by quickly. And my wife wouldn't think I made a pass at him.
What is your favourite cereal? Todd up between Cap'n Crunch and Rice Krispies.
Do you own any cowboy boots? No, you got some in a size 11?
What is something you would never do in public? Um...never's a strong word. Belittle my wife and children, though I wouldn't do that in private either.
Have you ever had really strange dreams? Often...frequently involving school or my college days.
Name a friend or loved on who has passed away? Buddy
What’s your earliest memory? Eh, I'm not real good with memories. Getting doughnuts with my dad on the way to preschool.
Have you ever broken a bone before, and if so, how? Nope.
Have you ever stepped in dog poo? Oh, yeah. It's one of my skill sets.
Ever bitten your toenails? No, but if you offer the right price, I'll put on a toenail chewing show for you. Who is your all time hero? I think Grover Cleveland. I am fascinated by the people who become president (even the ones I don't like), and I find Cleveland to be one of the most moral presidents we've ever had.
What colors do you think mix well? purple and black
What did you eat recently? salisbury steak, niblet corn, and mashed potatoes with cheese mixed in. Banquet frozen meal.
What was your favorite cartoon movie as a child? Jungle Book What’s your favorite movie now? Halloween, the greatest slasher flick. I mean the original. I plan on seeing Rob Zombie's remake...I just haven't yet.
Do you paint your toenails? Um...
Is your computer a fast and awesome computer? It's ok
What do you do, or want to do for a living? I teach middle school language arts at an alternative school, and I have no plan on quitting, but I'd also love to run a comic book shop.
If one of your long lost exes called you and asked for you back, would you take them back? Nope. I think my wife would take exception to that.
Have you ever been a Heartbreaker? Yeah. As a junior and senior in high school I had climbed from social reject to a sought after commodity, and I took advantage of it. Eventually I grew out of it.
What’s your favorite instrument? Banjo...I'm going to teach myself how to play...in theory.
What is a country you want to visit badly before you die? Nepal. I love the mountains and Nepal has the best.
Have you made a bucket list? Nope.
What things in history amuse you the most? Claims that someone knows for a fact what the founding fathers intended with this or that. And anecdotes about government leaders. Especially presidents, but including foreign leaders.
Have you ever eaten lipstick? Not that I know of, but give me a cheese sauce with it and we'll talk.
What are 3 accessories you have to be equipped with when you go out? Pants...But if you don't consider that an accessory, then wallet, cell phone (ugh, I hate that), and pants.
Have you ever licked a window before? Maybe...if it had cheese on it.
If someone dared you to run across a busy street for 1 thousand dollars, would you? Depends on the rules. If I can choose when, sure.
Would you kill someone for 9 million dollars? If the someone is trying to kill me or my family, yes...and for less.
Who is your worst enemy right now and why? Time, or the lack there of...
Have you ever been in a physical fight with anyone before? Nothing that got past pushing.
What brand of cell phone do you have and what service provider? Verizon something or other.
Do you wear slippers or socks? Socks...not slippers, though I would.
Do your feet stink? That's another skill set.
Have you ever picked your butt in public? Yeah, but just because no one I asked would do it for me.
What is the strangest pet you’ve ever owned? A mouse.
Do you love life or hate it? I love it, though it frustrates me to no end.
Who is the hottest person in the entire universe in your opinion? I've got equal hottness on Queen Latifah, Janeane Garofalo, and Gina Torres,
What do you do every night before bed? Take out the dogs.
When I got to Delta-Boy's and Zebra-Girl's elementary school this morning, a teacher opened Delta-Boy's door to let him out, I was asking Zebra-Girl if she had unstrapped and Delta-Boy was telling the teacher that his book bag was in the back. She, the teacher, slid open the side door and Zebra-Girl was crawling across the seat. The teacher was helping Delta-Boy with his book bag and asking about my lunch box, also in the back with the other bags, and then Zebra-Girl hauled her bag up and said, "And this is mine."
The teacher said, "She's not...is she coming too?"
No, I ask my daughter to unstrap every time we stop as a test, and the book bag is just to keep her from feeling jealous...
School started back. A week of getting ready and then students back this past Thursday.
First, we went on a retreat to a lake house from Thursday to Saturday where we did team building activities and talked about what was changed from last year. It was a lot of fun. It was a large house with two kitchens and we split into two teams and had a cook off. We played games, got to know the new people, it as fun all around.
Until...
I learned that one of my coworkers left early because we don't work on Saturday. And another coworker said that since legally we can't be asked to work on Saturday without compensation, a request for comp hours was going to be made.
Buzz kill...My compensation was the belief that we might work better as a team...Silly me.
Then at our "kick off" where all the employees gather and hear from the superintendent and sometimes a guest speaker, our guest speaker was great! Humor, lots of energy, good message. I thougt it was great!
Until...
One of my coworkers said, "If they asked everyone if we wanted a guest speaker or not, I'd bet they'd get a unanimous 'No'"
Buzz kill...I like the guest motivational speakers.
It's funny how some people just have a sour attitude. I would have liked more time in my room. I would have preferred to not leave my wife and children while I went away. But rather than focus on the negative, I look for the positive. I don't care if some people can't find the positive...but keep your negativity to yourself. You can bring down those of us who aren't jaded.
Every 4 years, I find my self tossed and batted back and forth, round and round, like a record player, right round round round. For a couple of reasons, really...
First, of course, for whom shall I vote? Which political enthusiast shall win my oh, so important ballot? It seems so easy for many. I, on the other hand, feel like I'm sitting in front of an essay question on a 7th grade science test for which I hadn't studied. How does soil quality effect the characteristics of an ecosystem.?
Uhhh...IDK?
I just don't know! I don't. I can say which way I'm leaning, but I can't say for certain. I never agree with a candidate so completely that he (or she) can guarantee that I'll vote for him (or her).
Well, sometimes I know I'm not voting for someone. Nothing would have gotten me to vote for Hillary. That's one of the reasons I included the parenthetical PC stuff in the paragraph above. Trust me, I have no problem voting for a woman. I have a problem voting for Hillary.
But even if Hillary was the Democratic candidate, I still couldn't say who was getting my vote. I can't look at these preidential elections as just Democrat vs. Republican. There are other candidates completely able to do the job.
Which is where I get frustrated...which is where the second aspect of an election year has me bouncing back and forth like a game of Pong. The slow version. Seeingly endless. Back. Forth. Back. Forth. I get filled with bursting pride. We, the people, get to decide who is going to be our leader! When the Martians come and say, "Take us to your leader," we get to decide, now, who that leader will be!
And the President, our chosen leader, thinks, "You would ask why they want to see your leader, right?"
But then, since we hired the Prez, aren't we his collective boss? So then could we say, "You're looking at him (or her), Sngzzbordlak. The President? Shoot, we can fire him in a few years. He ain't the boss!"
And like a Pride of lions, I feel...um...that word that means you feel a reasonable or justifiable sense of your worth or importance...shoot...can't think of the word...but what you imagine when you seed a Pride of lions...
Let's move on, shall we?
Then, bonk, I get Ponged in the other direction...toward frustration.
Why do I only hear about McCain and Obama? What about Chuck Baldwin of the Constitution Party, or Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party, Bob Barr of the Libertarian Party, Ted Weill of the Reform Party? There are plenty of third parties from which to choose. We barely hear anything about them.
I knew someone who said she didn't vote because the Republicans and the Democrats were basically the same beast...that frustrates me. Not because of her cynicism of the two big parties, but her cynicism that voting something other than Republican or Democrat is a waste of time.
Plenty of people have said that voting for a third party is throwing your vote away. "I'd vote Libertarian, but that would take a vote away from this guy that I'd rather win over the other guy." That frustrates me.
My father-in-law says that we should have an election system where we rank the candidates and when it's clear that one candidate won't win, your vote shifts to your second choice. So if you really wanted Cynthia McKinney to win, you put her first, but then if it's clear she's not going to win, your vote would shift to, say, Obama. He says that system is in place...somewhere. I was distracted at the time and didn't ask where so I could look into it. If you know of a place where that type of electoral system is used, please let me know.
It doesn't sound bad, but I'd wonder when it would be decided that your vote move on to the next choice. I do agree that it would help out the third parties because it would eliminate the fear that you're throwing away a vote, although that whole concept of a vote being thrown away because the candidate doesn't win is flawed. I mean, if I vote for the loser, I didn't throw my vote away. But...
So then I thought, take the rating system, but assign points. First choice gets 3 points, second choice gets 2, and third gets 1. You can choose only one candidate if you want, but he still only gets the 3 points. But I don't know that that would work either.
Then I thought of online quizzes. Which Superhero are you? and Which Civil War General are You? and such...You're asked your opinion on certain topics, and based on your answers, you find out you're General Stonewall, who could be either a Civil War general or a superhero...
So then on election day, you go through and answer questions about the issues. Your opinion on the issues tells you which candidate most matches your stance. Then, image is gone. The candidates would simply try and persuade us to their stance on the issues and the mudslinging wouldn't be necessary because, I'm not voting McCain, or Obama, or any person...I'm voting on the issues. Then possible political candidates who would do a great job, but can't get the nomination because, like Yang Peiyi who sang at the Olympics but wasn't seen, they just weren't cute enough.
But then, that wouldn't work. Someone would find out they voted for Bob Barr and they'd say, "But I didn't want to vote for him. I don't like him." Because, let's face it, it's become a popularity contest. And the mudslinging means more to us than the issues...And no, I'm not claiming to be exempt from that. I get caught up in it too.
So, let's just keep spinning around that pole...Because, I don't know for whom I'm voting. If you do know, I hope you know why. I hope I know why when the time comes, too.
If you are also frustrated that people seem uninterested in voting whether it be because of apathy or disillusionment, try and set them straight with this t-shirt inspired by the Buddha quote, "With our thoughts, we make the world."
This shirt reminds them that we are the ones who run the country, and encourages them to vote on November 4th. Available from Attack of the Radioactive Tees.
An old, proud house stands lookout over a gravelly road it has watched for 140 Years. A tranquility surrounds the quaint house.
A dog barks intermitently in the distance at a random squirrel, or perhaps a fox scurrying by. Birds chirp happily, diving and looping playfully over your head. Surely a simple scene of serenity.
I received an update on Guilderland from an Associate Asshole. (Don't worry, that's a term of respect 'round these here parts.)
Anyway, Guilderland High School principal Michael Paolino may be losing his job. Right now he's on administrative leave and still earning his big bucks. It seems Paolino is guilty of the same things that Ann-Marie McManus and Matt Nelligan are getting transferred to the middle school for doing: making racist and homophobic comments.
My Associate Asshole says she figures he'll just get transferred, which seems to be the Guilderland way. These accusations, assuming they are true, could explain how the history department got away with their "locker room mentality" of which they were accused. If the accusations are correct, and considering my source has previously told me, "he was the biggest sexist and would make comments about high school girls," I'm inclined to think it is, then he should be fired.
So it makes me wonder...Do school districts breed drama? Do adults working in school districts get infected with teenage immaturity?
I ask these questions because my own district is far from drama free. Not only did we have the High School principal announce his resignation for the end of this next school year over a gay-lesbian club in his school, another high school principal is under attack, this time from the public. He's being accused of putting portables near the main road to try and garner support for a bond referendum for money after last year's attempt failed. Meanwhile, today it was announced that our superintendent resigned. There is no official word on why, but there is one major rumor which seems to fit. I'm not going to share, because it would be improper to spread rumors, but let's just say it's high drama stuff.
Sometimes it makes sense...Mascoutah, Illinois had controversy this year over a middle school girl putting her arm around the shoulders of another student violating the district's "No Touchy Rule" (My term, not theirs), over the cheerleading team not being allowed to compete in the state cheerleading competition because it violated the "7th Day Rule" which said there could be no activities on Sunday, and finally for keeping schools open during a "debilitating winter storm" when every other district in the area shut down for safety reasons. I guess God didn't allow the weather to keep Jesus out of school...
Marysville, Washington may have a problem with its African-American superintendent.
And don't forget John Freshwater of Mount Vernon Middle School in Columbua, Ohio who refused to remove a Bible from his desk and branded crosses onto students skin.
Clark County in Nevada had a sex scandal possibly covered up where a hall monitor received a blow job from a senior who refused comment until threatened that if she didn't speak up, she wouldn't graduate. So she shared details, but when she didn't pass everything the principal changed the grades.
And in Texas did McKinney North High School principal give preferential treatment to 5 cheerleaders who had MySpace pictures showing them drinking, showing off panties, and playing with penis-shaped candles and condoms? The damning detail is that one of the "Fab Five" is the principal's daughter!
So what's with all the drama? Too many cooks in the kitchen. That's all I can figure. Well, too many cooks and politicians. Ok, here's how it goes. Students are answerable to teachers, teachers to principals, principals to district officers, district officers to the superintendent, the superintendent to the school board, the school board to the public. But then if the public doesn't like what is happening in the schools with their children, then that makes the students the key in an insane ouroborous. Students become a skeleton key to be manipulated. They know this. They complain to the right people and enough, then they can exert influence where normally they would be at the bottom of the totem pole. So, who's in charge? Which head is in charge of the many-headed Hydra? How does the Pushmi-pullyu know which way to go?
One of my principals had teachers running to the district office because they didn't like his decisions. He didn't do anything wrong. He just lost the popularity vote. Some teachers left our school this year and told a prospective new employee she shouldn't take the job because they didn't like the new principal either. They want to be in charge, the principal answerable to them, but some of what they wanted didn't mesh with what the district was asking of the principal. Too many (dick)heads in the kitchen...
And then politics which keep those with real power from making decisions for the good of the children and making decisions based on how the appearance looks. You must keep up appearances, after all.
But I wonder...do those who get involved in education tend to be trapped at the age they teach? Or do they revert to that maturity level? Is that why there are so many tantrums when we don't get our way? Why those who do wrong get a time out? Why so many seem to make stupic teen mistakes involving sex and bullying like so many teens?
Whatever the answer, this is not a condemnation of the public school system, because it happens in private schools as well. My former principal who got fired because of my coworkers didn't like his policies went on to a private school where it was discovered one of the teachers was supplying students with alcohol.
If you have some school drama you'd like to share, let me know. In the mean time, I'm going to buy some more chewing gum, because there's a coworker whose hair I want to spit it into, and put Icey-Hot in the PE teacher's jockstrap.
You know, there's nothing wrong with being a bad speller as long as you are aware of the problem and seek to improve it. I've known bad spellers who frequently ask how something is spelled or reference a dictionary to check spelling. These days most programs allowing you to type include a spell checker and you can even type into Google a word misspelled and it will ask if you meant the correct spelling making Google a decent spellchecker. (Hail Google!) And I've known many good spellers who do the same. Bad spelling does not make a bad person.
The problem comes when you have a bad speller who doesn't care that he or she misspelled a word. That's stupid, but you're a still not a bad person.
Then there's Brent Rinehart, brought to my attention by Leonard Pitts, Jr. in his editorial "The Ongoing Stupidification of America". Rinehart put together a comic book explaining why he should be reelected commissioner of Oklahoma County and one of those reasons apparently is his willingness to gay bash. Read Pitts's article for the full story. But Rinehart is a bad person for trying to stir up hatred.
But my concern here, as an English teacher, is the spelling and grammar of a "Roads [sic] Scholar" and politician that is such a bad speller and doesn't care. You can read the full comic by clicking the link in Leonard Pitts's article and following the link to the pdf, but here are a couple of the more interesting mistakes.
General misspelling of "opportunist". He should have been a lexiconical opportunist and used a dictionary.
"Brent ask's to"? What does that mean? Brent Ask is to many questions...what? To many question, Brent Ask is...an idiot? And who is Brent Ask? I thought we were talking about Brent Rinehart.
Apparently family values don't include correct spelling and grammar.
Here's the CNN interview where Rinehart states his disinterest in his bad spelling after it being pointed out that he spelled pedophile two different ways, neither one right.
Again, his intolerance is worse than his spelling and grammar, but Leonard Pitts, Jr. covered that topic better than I could.
Someone in the Guilderland High social studies department felt the environment was unwelcoming. Off-color jokes. Terms like "faggot" and "queer". But the teacher did not file a harassment complaint. So they hired someone to investigate. That "Culture Climate Survey" was an investigation. The person doing the inquiry warned that the way she was being asked to look into the claims was going to anger the teachers, and she was correct.
The investigation did seem to echo that with reports from other teachers who eat by themselves because they are uncomfortable with the others, and comments about breasts of speakers.
So assuming this is true, do you remove two random teachers? Does that solve the problem? The redacted report says many teachers were angry with the questions. One of the things I wanted to look into was how large the social studies department is. The redacted report is heavily edited, so it's unclear how many complained of the environment. Based on what appears to be separate individual complaints, I'm guessing 4 or 5 total. That leaves 15 teachers in collusion to tell sexual jokes and harass other teachers. Will moving 2 teachers have any effect? I know my numbers are speculation, but even if I'm off by 5 and it's an even split, moving 2 and leaving 8 would not have that big of an effect.
And it side steps the issue. Do a work-place harassment class, not just for the social studies department, but for the entire school. I would have recommended the "Culture Climate Survey" be done over the entire school, but seeing as how these weren't papers surveys but in person interviews, that seems unlikely. Then you take the teachers named aside and tell them to knock it off. Tell them that if they are making the workplace unbearable and they continue to do so, they will be dismissed, but then we're talking about some with tenure, which is bogus. No one should have that sort of guarantee. But fine, you say that you'll move them elsewhere. You give people a chance to correct themselves.
The person who held the "Culture Climate Interviews" didn't even include reassignment as a recommendation. So the school board and the superintendent came up with that solution on their own. The person who made the recommendations is author or editor of 27 college textbooks, and more than 140 scholarly articles and conference presentations on sexual harassment, psychology of women, gender and sexual harassment, and victimization. You would think that if she thought moving a couple of bad eggs would solve the problem, she would have included it in the report.
The solution to move 2 teachers to break up a "locker room" mentality and prevent sexual and prejudicial jokes just doesn't add up.
So I find myself returning to Nelligan's claim that he's being targeted because he is an outspoken critic of the district leadership and the teachers union.
A source closer to the events told me, "I did have the misfortune of working for the High School Principal when he was Ass. Principal at another school district and he was the biggest sexist and would make comments about high school girls!! When I called him on it - needless to say my part-time contract was not renewed. Both the Superintendent and the Principal have histories of not liking anyone questioning their authority."
That would explain why they aren't letting the public speak out. It's bad form. You let the people stand up and say what they want to say. Then go do whatever you want to do. You might even find some supporters in the bunch to back you up.
I still have questions. What do the 2 middle school teachers being moved up think? Does Nelligan have a history of having other teachers accuse him of being offensive? How is McManus involved?
People have commented in other places, like here, that the board has the authority to make the transfer, so Nelligan and McManus should just comply without complaint. But if you don't question the reason, then that power can be abused, which some suggest both superintendent and principal of Guilderland High are guilty of doing. It's not a matter of demotion or feeling that the middle school is a punishment. It's a matter of reason. Leaders should have to justify their decision and it doesn't seem that their decision makes sense. Swapping 2 teachers with 2 other teachers will not reconfigure a 20 person staff and allow for a fresh start. And worse still, and I will be happy to beat this drum every time, to not allow the public to voice their opinions is unconscionable.
In Guilderland, New York, a community is up in arms about the transfer of two social studies teachers from Guilderland High School to Farnsworth Middle School. I've done what research I can and find myself uncertain how to feel. There are many aspects of this issue to consider and many aspects that seemingly have not been revealed and will apparently be revealed tomorrow. Let's break this down...
The Act: Transferring teachers against their will. I believe most districts have the authority to transfer teachers as they see fit. It's a power that I think most districts use sparingly. After all, keeping teachers happy so that they are teaching at peak performance to improve test scores and such is one thing most districts try to keep in mind. From what I've read, it seems, though, that the superintendent has a history of moving teachers.
It's also a power that I have no problem with if it's to fulfill a critical need. But two middle school teachers are being moved to the high school. So now I have to wonder about the reason for the move. Because taking two teachers used to teaching high school courses, and two teachers used to teaching middle school and swapping them, at the surface, doesn't make much sense. It's almost like a reality tv program. Trading Blackboards.
The Reason: At the center of this seems to be a "Culture Climate Survey" where, from what I can figure, teachers were asked to fill out how they felt things were going in their departments, how everybody got along, etc. Let me pause for a moment and say that if you have to get teachers to fill out a survey to find out if everyone's getting along, there's a problem. But let's move on...
The only thing revealed about the survey is that it says, "members of the high school social studies department fostered a "locker room" atmosphere in which sexual jokes and derogatory comments about staff members were allowed. [Matt] Nelligan also was accused of deriding a gay staff member, but was exonerated."
I'd like to see this survey. I've taken surveys for my district and they are always, "Rate 1-5 how happy you are about XYZ." I have never been asked to take a professional survey where I could criticize departments or individuals. If the school board is concerned about the climate of the school, they might want to consider how allowing open criticism of coworkers affects the climate, but let's move on.
The superintendent has said that even though Nelligan was determined to be innocent doesn't mean he didn't do it. Well, that's true *cough*OJSimpson*cough*, but you can't treat him professionally on what you think he's guilty of doing. He was found innocent, you can't use that accusation as a reason to do something.
I also find it interesting that this "locker room" atmosphere is getting a woman who was pregnant at the time of the survey transferred with Nelligan. Nelligan says Ann-Marie McManus is caught up in it to make it seem like he's not being singled out. Sounds kind of paranoid and egocentric, but since I haven't heard any specific accusations about McManus, I have to concede that he may be right. I'm not sure, though, why the fact that McManus was out of maternity leave when the survey was given keeps getting mentioned.
Nelligan, of course, has his own theories. He says it's political. He and the social studies department at Guilderland High School are open critics of the district leadership and teachers union and this is a divide and conquer tactic. I have no evidence to the contrary because the school board and the superintendent have done little to explain what's going on and why, which gets us to the next topic...
The Handling: Secrecy seems to be the slogan here. Locked door executive sessions and such. Bad idea. I can't think of a reason that school boards should be allowed to sit away from public eyes to make decisions. But then they shouldn't have said they were moving anybody before they were willing to discuss the reasons. They should have said, "Here's what the survey told us. Here's what we plan to do about it." It's like a movie where you see the ending and the rest of the movie you see how they got there. Very exciting. Very mysterious. That's not how to run a school district.
But then, the teachers should have been spoken to privately before this happened. If they were causing problems, they should have been spoken too and told they need to stop the sexual jokes and criticism of staff. They should have had a chance to face the accusations and respond to them.
Last Monday, the 7th, the school board met privately and decided to take another week to determine if they have the authority to overturn the superintendent's decision. I agree with Nelligan that this is a delay tactic because you can't tell me they don't know if they can veto the superintendent. Now if they are taking that week to decide if they want to overturn it, that's fine. But tomorrow when they reveal what they are going to do and why, which they should have shared to begin with, the public will not be allowed to comment. Telling the people who voted you into office that they can't talk is...a bad idea.
Random Thoughts: I find it interesting that we haven't heard from other teachers. Other members of the social studies department. Maybe that's because Nelligan and McManus are problems. Or maybe they are unwilling to confront the school board and or union.
Part of July 14ths itenerary is sharing of the redacted survey results. Interesting thing about the word redact. It can mean just putting something in writing. But it can also mean adapting, editing, or obscuring. Based on the secretive school board, I wonder which is the correct meaning here.
Bottom line is that we have heard everything from one side and little from the other, so I can't say which side I agree with. I'm leaning toward Nelligan and McManus, but I might take that back tomorrow.
Here are links to the articles I used in my research. The first link is the YouTube video made by a Guilderland student that was emailed to me by an unknown person.
It's a great article for new parents going to the doctor's office or ER for the first time with their toddler. Having 5 children between 6 and 1, I'll admit a number of the suggestions, well, I rolled my eyes and thought, "Duh..." But I'm sure I wasn't as wellversed and some of the tips would have been helpful. Some of the good ideas include being prepared to entertain and feed your child. Especially important to unpredictable trips to the ER.
Interestingly enough, a number of the suggestions seem designed more for relaxing the parent than calming the child, but then that supports tips 28 and 29, "They can express emotion, you can't" and "Be Patient". The first three tips, lumped together as "Do Your Research", will be very helpful to calming first time parents, because there's nothing more stressful than taking your child into an unknown situation. Tips 11-13 are pretty clearly focused on keeping the parent calm, suggesting parents have their insurance information, being on time, and making a list of questions for the doctor. Tips 22-24 are good recommendations for parents to keep calm, "Learn How to Present your Child's Case," "Ask the Right Questions," and "Know the Medical History." Knowledge about your child and what may be his or her condition will help the doctor and help you stay calm. Also, the suggestiong to have your phone charger with you in Tip 18, "Bring Some "Just in Case" items is a good recommendation targetting keeping the parents stress-free...ish.
A warning about researching your child's condition: Despite all the information you can find online about any and every medical condition, most of us aren't doctors. Many conditions have similar symptoms and panicky parents my assume the worst, when it's nothing big. That will increase parent stress which won't help the child's stress level. And use the information to prepare youurself, not to tell the doctor what your child has. Don't go in saying, "My child has Blahblahtorisis and I need you to get him the hospital." Let the doctor do the doctoring and diagnosis. If it is Blahblahtorisis, then you'll have an idea what that means and you'll better be able to "Ask the Right Questions" as the tips recommend. If the doctor comes back with the horrid, "I'm not sure. I'm going to run some tests for Wahwahtorisis and Boobooleptia." Then feel free to ask him about Blahblahtorisis to see why it's not being tested for.
A Strong Recommendation from the List: Well Check-ups. Not only will yearly Well check-ups make sure your child is healthy, it will do more for familiarizing your child with the doctor's office than all the role playing and talking the two of you can do.
You've heard about the Gaggle of Gloucester Girls, right? Gloucester, Massachusetts? School nurses notices that many girls were coming in for pregnancy tests. Maybe not a big deal, but many girls were repeat testers. Suggesting, of course, that they knew they were doing the thing which causes a pregnancy, they were doing it repeatedly, and didn't seem to care if they got pregnant...or did they? School nurses in the fishing town known from the book and movie The Perfect Storm, reported that upon learning of a pregnancy, the girls high-fived, celebrated, and revelled like Chad Johnson of the Cincinatti Bengals doing the Go Daddy Dance after making a touchdown.
So the number of girls, triple the norm, who have become pregnant, and their Go Mommy "dances" have some suspecting a pregnancy pact among the girls. I'll admit it sounds like a pact.
The mayor of Gloucester says there's no proof, but they're investigating.
I like how she basically says, "Don't look at me..." calling out the school board and the Federal Government.
Naturally, when something like this, what has been called a "blip", happens, people ask...why? Why did we jump to three times the normal pregnancy rate? Hollywood!
Juno, a movie about a 16-year-old pregnant girl and Jamie Lynn Spears, 17-year-old unmarried sister of Britney Spears, not to mention her own pregnancy, although she was married at the time.
Some scoff at the media influence, and I certainly tend to when it involves people committing violent crimes because of movies and video games, but I can't entirely disregard the possibility here. Why? Society is more accepting of teen pregnancy than murder, and it takes a warped view of life to take it from another person. That's a mental illness. Intentionally getting pregnant is just a misguided call for attention and/or value.
So it's not JUST media, it's society. The Mayor talks about the school policy to teach abstinence and not have contraceptives available. Again, that's a problem. If you know teens, telling them not to do something does not convince them not to do it. And if they made a pact to get pregnant, then the opportunity to grab a condom or sponge or whatever won't make them pick one up on the way. They'll just...not get it.
Maybe it's the school daycare for employees and students. So, you get pregnant, you have a child, you can leave the child in the daycare at the school. If you tolerate it, you teach it. I'm not saying that it has to be a horrible, Scarlet Letter, banishing kind of scandal, but let's allow the pregnancy and new child to be a little more invasive. Not abandoned teenage mothers, but let them know they won't be coddled.
And while we can put some blame on not having enough health teachers and classes, and not teaching about contraceptives and providing them in the schools, what about the parents of the 17 girls? Are they not responsible more so than the government that the girls did not have an adequate sexual education? But again, who says they didn't know about contraceptives, how to use them, and where to get them?
And what about the 17 men not in high school? Apparently all 17 were not in high school. One was, apparently, a 24 year old homeless man. Where are they?
Media, school, family, society, and 17 misguided girls and men...a perfect storm that led to 17 pregnancies. Can it happen again? Sure. Can we prevent it?
I don't know. We'll have to ask ourselves some hard questions, though. Stop the finger pointing and look at how we accept teen pregnancy as just another step in growing up.
Do you suffer from the McBodog Effect? If you do, you probably don't call It that. You either have your own name for It, or you don't call It anything. It just flutters in the back of your mind, peering over your thoughts like Killroy as you approach a situation where It will come into effect. I call It the McBodog Effect.
I call It that because it most often and consistently happens on a visit to McDonald's. This morning, my wife decided to take the family out for breakfast, an event of such rarity that if you could put a value on events, it would be more valuable than the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series. Her destination was a surprise. It was more of a surprise because the McBodog Effect was in rare form today. When we pulled into the parking lot of the Shoney's restaurant...it has been closed. Shut down. So we discussed our options in the area and voted on McDonald's. Maybe not as fancy a breakfast, but sure to make the Fearsome Five happy with a visit to the PlayPlace. Mrs. Asshole was making sure I was ok with it and I told her, "Don't worry about it. Last time we had breakfast at McDonald's, I discovered the joy of their biscuits and gravy AND pancakes, so I'll be happy."
Mrs. Asshole: "You shouldn't have said anything. Now they'll be out of syrup." Mr. Asshole: "No, it'll be, 'Yes, I'd like biscuits and gravy.'...'Sorry, sir. We're out of gravy, but we'll have a new shipment in tomorrow.'...'Ok, well, I would like the pancakes and sausage...'...'I'm sorry, sir, we ran out of pancake batter.'"
My wife maintained that it would be the syrup and I conceded because it occurred to me that syrup is just a breakfast condiment and condiments, while it is rare, are more likely to run out that major food products like pancake batter and gravy.
So I'm sitting outside with 1 year-old Yankee-Boy while Bravo-Boy, Delta-Boy, Zebra-Girl, and Sierra-Girl are having fun in the PlayPlace, and Mrs. Asshole opens the door...without food in hand...with THAT look...the look all men learn really quickly when in a committed relationship. The look of unhappiness.
Mr. Asshole: "You're kidding." Mrs. Asshole: "They're out of gravy." Mr. Asshole: [laughter]"Well, I called it!"
The McBodog effect is the consistent event of not being able to get that for which you are looking to most enjoy. McDonald's is consistent in its inability to have milkshake makers working when I visit. Every so often I'll get by with a milkshake, but it's more of a surprise when I get one than when I don't.
But it's not just McDonald's...The Roadhouse Grill...now the Original Roadhouse Grill, but back when the Assholes frequented it, it was just The Roadhouse. There was a chicken dinner with rice and some sauce. I forget what it was called. It's not on the online menu anymore so I guess they ofter it no longer. Anyway, when we were eating out regularly as dating couples do, it was my choice every time. It's what I do...there's the one thing I want, and I get it every time. But then we got married and we started a family, eating out became less of an extravagance worth the effort. But one night, with baby Delta-Boy in tow, we went back for a visit. There was that one dish I wanted. It was on the menu (I expected it to be gone). It was placed in front of me...changed. Not nearly as good. I won't say it was bad, but it wasn't nearly as "come back for me" as it was in its original form.
Then there's the story of the little restaurant opened and run by my eldest sister's, Hotel-Sis, good friend. Once it opened, we, Papa-Asshole and Sisters Asshole and I, were frequent diners. And there was my dish. I ordered it every time. I was asking for the recipe and was too young to realize that when she said "well, the recipe is for not one serving but a whole evenings worth of possible servings" I couldn't counter with, "well, give it to me anyway, and I'll figure it out from there." Then, Hotel-Sis's friend was tired of running a restaurant, a thriving but small restaurant, and sold it. Family 1.0 returned anyway. Once. My course was still on the menu. I ordered it. It came...it an altered form. Not bad, but not...well, you get the point.
The McBodog Effect shows itself in various ways depending on the nature of the favored item. The Family Man Frozen Dinner ckicken fried beef steaks with corn, mashed potatoes, and 2 beef steaks removed from grocery freezers. Yeah, I can get the Banquet country fried beef steak dinner which is the exact same except with 1 steak, but...who wants one when you could have two. Boston Market had a chicken meal that I loved, and it's now gone. I have coupons for Croissant Hot Pockets, and guess what is nowhere in the grocering area? Croissant Hot Pockets!
Beware the McBodog Effect, or whatever you call yours...if you dare acknowledge it... at all.
Teachers are humans and humans believe things. Teachers teach and what they believe sometimes comes out in how they teach. So when does it turn from teaching to preaching?
Well, John Freshwater, formerly of Mount Vernon Middle School in Columbua, Ohio, has apparently found that differentiation. The Mount Vernon Board of Education has voted unanimously to fire Mr. Freshwater, the 8th grade science teacher at the middle school.
Freshwater's trouble with the Board of Education started, it seems, when they asked him to remove a Bible that he kept on his desk. His argument that he keeps the Bible for his own use and asking him to remove it from his desk violates his First Amendment rights. He also has the Ten Commandments up in his room, which he's been asked to remove. Again, he says a violation of his rights.
Now, the Bible being on the desk shouldn't be a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal that it's on his desk, but if parents are complaining, it shouldn't be a big deal to just put it in a drawer. The Ten Commandments? It's a science class. How does Freshwater use the Ten Commandments to teach science? Without justification, they should come down...but Freshwater's preaching gets more egregious.
He believes in Intelligent Design. Fair enough. But part of science is evolution and the big bang, which he does not teach. Even if you don't agree with it, if the school district says it needs to be taught, you teach it. I don't agree with all of the changes that have occurred in English expression, and when I get to those bits of altered Grammar, I teach it both ways. I teach that a singular noun that ends in "s" like the last name "Hills"...to make it possessive, you use an apostrophe and an "s"..."That is Dina Hills's bookbag." but that these days it is being accepted to just use an apostrophe..."That is Dina Hills' bookbag." I teach both, tell my preference, and let them decide. Freshwater should do the same. "I believe in Intelligent Design. Others believe in Big Bang. You decide."
But it gets even worse. Apparently he used an electromagnetic device as a part of a unit on electric current. He used the device to...well, descriptions vary...either simply mark students' arms with a red cross, or burn students, brand them, with a cross. He's well liked by many students, but at least one student has come forward saying the brand hurt so bad he was unable to sleep.
Many in the community support Freshwater but whould they if he was Muslim? If it was a Koran on his desk? A star and crescent mark on the arms? The Torah and Star of David?
Freshwater apparently removed his Ten Commandments and religious posters, but stood firm on his personal Bible on his desk. Fair enough. But if he's branding students? If he's not teaching the standards? Unacceptable. Especially the branding of students. Whether they volunteered or not, physically scarring a student is not acceptable.
Finally, EHT's priveledge meme, and some more CDs...
First, let's tackle the CDs...First, I would like to agree with Mrs. Chili about letting children listen to "regular" music...adult music. My children often listen to whatever I feel like listening to be it the Beach Boys, or Elvis Presley, or Three Doors Down, or whatever. The children's CDs I own are mine...which means I bought them for myself. All the CDs listed in my earlier post I bought because I like the groups. My Muppet CDs I owned before I had children. Same with the Animaniacs CD and my slew of Halloween CDs...each one having Monster Mash and Purple People Eater on it...
But be that as it may, having learned that They Might Be Giants put out Here Come the 123's last year, I ordered it from Amazon. Sure enough, it's a fun CD, though I learned it's connected to the new Mickey Mouse Club and there are 3 songs from it that disrupt the CD, if you ask me...Not that you did, I understand, but...well, let's move on. It also has a DVD of videos of the songs, although I haven't had the time yet to watch them. When I do, I'll let you know.
Also while ordering that CD I ordered something for myself. Mrs. Chili, over at A Teacher's Education, introduced to me the poet Taylor Mali and I bought one of his CDs, Conviction, which I greatly enjoyed. Mali has another CD that's been out for about 8 months called Icarus Airlines which I purchased. As with Conviction, all of the poems are wonderful, although there's a greater concentration of what I will puriley call downers. He includes several poems about his wife's suicide and while beautiful, they aren't the kind of things that I will want to listen to regularly. "The Miracle Workers" I promptly shared with my coworkers and all teachers should hear, or at least read, it. "Holding Your Position" is a great trip into youth, and "The Mascot of Monterey" lets you know where the title of the CD comes from. "Pizza" is wonderful, but not what you think it's about.
Ok, let's see...EHT's Privledge Meme...
To participate, copy and paste…then unbold my responses to make your own. Bold the items that apply to you:
1. Father went to college 2. Father finished college - University of South Carolina 3. Mother went to college 4. Mother finished college - Ditto 5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor - Dad's a professor, have a sister who's a doctor 6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers. Same 7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home. 8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. 9. Were read children’s books by a parent. 10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 - Karate 11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively. - I suppose...depends...not consistently for sure 13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18. 14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs. 15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs 16. Went to a private high school 17. Went to summer camp 18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18 19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels - Not always, but enough 20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18 21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them - technically, it wasn't called being purchased for me, it was treated like a hand-me-down, but in reality Dad drove the hand-me-down and I got the new car...So it counts as being purchsed for me, if you ask me... 22. There was original art in your house when you were a child 23. You and your family lived in a single-family house 24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home - Dunno, I mean, he may have still been paying a mortgage...Probably counts as a yes anyway. 25. You had your own room as a child 26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18 27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course (I don’t think they existed in the olden days) 28. Had your own TV in your room in high school - Bad idea, that was. 29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college 30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 - Well, not anywhere...you mean somewhere... 31. Went on a cruise with your family 32. Went on more than one cruise with your family 33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up. 34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family. - I'm not sure that not paying attention or being informed by parents should count...being oblivious doesn't mean privledged...
I certainly get what the meme is saying, though I hate the term privledged...Every family has its struggles. Not saying we had it as bad as others...just saying we're better off realizing all families have their troubles and money...privledge...doesn't take that away...
Oh, speaking of "The Miracle Workers"...here's Taylor Mali performing it...It's slightly different on the CD...he doesn't say "shit"...he loans a pencil instead of a pen...the audience is...better...but enjoy...
When you know the person involved, it's hard to just write something off as bigotry. See, Mr. Walker was my first principal as a professional teacher and I will say that if you told me to make a list of bigotted people, his name wouldn't appear on it. He treats people fairly...How does that mesh with this news? Well, he's not turning tail on a school and district with a gay/straight alliance club. He's fulfilling his contract and when the contract is up, he'll walk away. He says he was planning on sticking with Irmo High until 2010 and he's moved it one year earlier because he doesn't agree. He's damned if he does and he's damned if he doesn't. If he quits, he's a bigot. If he doesn't, he's not standing up for what he believes in and he wouldn't have to put up with people criticizing him, but he has to live with himself. He's a principal who wouldn't allow students to say "fuck you" to a teacher, but was understanding that some students don't come from a picket fence household. He's a good man, and he was a great principal. I may not agree with him, but I respect him.
But let's talk about whether or not I agree with him and let's leave the gay aspect out. I'm not sure I do disagree with his decision, though I suspect I do. I would need to know what the teacher sponsor of this club intended the purpose of the club to be. I'd also have to know what other clubs exist (I would say at the school, but if we have to talk about clubs in the whole district, fine). There are other clubs than curricular clubs, but I can only think of service clubs like Key Club or sports clubs. The reason I need to know about the clubs purpose is because if the club is just meant for socialization. Like minded people coming together to talk, and there are no other clubs that fit that one description, then I can see his point, even if he adds a sexual element that doesn't inherently exist. If there are political and/or religious groups that get together as a school club simply to discuss their views, then I agree that the gay/straight alliance club should be allowed. But if the clubs all have been academic, service, or sport related, then I see Mr. Walker's point. I want to hear what the teacher sponsor says is the purpose of the club.
My friend Mrs. Chili sponsors a gay/straight alliance club at her college, and I am curious about her point of view. I'm still trying to figure out my POV, myself.
Driving somewhere with the children can be a harrowing adventure. Random commentary about what passes by in the window ("Happy Meal Place! There's Bumblebee!" (Any yellow car after watching Transformers)), arguements about each other ("Bravo-Boy's bothering me!"), random songs often invented by the young singers, dropped items ("Whinnnnneeee...I dropped my juice, cookie, cracker, car, book, etc."), and that's just the tip of the whine-berg. So music is invaluable in giving them something else to focus on and me something else to listen to.
But...children's music...ugh. I mean cartoons and puppets and monotonous songs, oh my! This old man, he played one little duck ran over the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jill fell down the mountain when she comes, she'll be comin' round the mountain.....ARGH! It's no wonder the average parents are testy and seem a touch insane. The CIA has begun using what they call "Soccer Mom Immersion" for interrogating purposes...
CIA: "All right, Boris, where are the secret plans?" Boris: "I tell you nothink." CIA: "All right, load Boris into the van. Bring JIAs (Juvenile Intelligence Agents) Jake, Emma, Madison, and Brady. Give them chocolate chip cookies and juice boxes. Put in Wheels on the Bus and I'm a Little Teapot." Boris: "Nyet, nyet! I'll tell you everythink...everythink!!!!!"
Anyway, I digress...If that sounds familiar, without the international espionage of course, then let me see if I can help you out. I've come across a few CDs put together by popular bands for children.
I decided to blog about this after I purchsed the brand new release Snack Time by the Barenaked Ladies. It features 24 original children's songs, and they are very entertaining. If you follow the link above to Amazon, you can see a video of the first track "7 8 9" with a little something added to the end that's not on the CD. "The Ninjas" is a fun song about those deadly, silent, and unspeakably violent ninjas. "The Canadian Snacktime Trilogy", especially part II, "Popcorn" is wonderful...all the way to the end. Just a collection of fun and refreshing children's song.
The group They Might Be Giants has put out a few children's CDs like No!with highlights on "Where do they make balloons?", "John Lee Supertaster", "Clap Your Hands", and "Lazyhead and Sleepybones". They also have Here Come the ABC'swith "Alphabet of Nations", "E Eats Everything", "Pictures of Pandas Painting", "Alphabet Lost and Found", "Who Put the Alphabet in Alphabetical Order", and "LMNO". I just found out they also did Here Come the 123'swhich I missed and will be looking into.
On a slightly strange note, I was listening to my Blues Brothers CDs and it has their version of the Rawhide theme...which Delta-Boy loved and we had to listen to several times.
Roll 'em, Roll 'em, Roll 'em Keep them babies rollin' Though they're disapprovin', Rawhide!
Wonderful CD...CDs, actually. Two discs. 35 Songs. I've been greatly enjoying it. The best part happened yesterday. I was in my car pulling into a local grocery store when track 17 on disc 1 began playing. Track 17 is the Peter Gunn Theme. People were crossing the parking lor walking in time with the music. All of a sudden, everyone looked suspicious. I didn't know who I could trust. Those carts might be rigged with explosives. I better wait until I'm inside before I get a cart. I was so cool.
What was even better was leaving. I played it again. Now I was in the middle of Spy Hunter. That car behind me is going to try and ram me off the road...OIL SPILL! That guy trying to pass me is going to take out my tires with wheel spikes. HIGH GEAR! WHERE'S THE WEAPON'S VAN?
Is This Thing On? Why I disappeared, a book meme, and which general I was during the Civil War.
Hey guys...I swear, it seems like everytime I get blogging, something comes along and drives me away. While I've been gone I've:
...Finished a graduate course with an A. The course ended while I was still engrossed in bronchitis (stress the gross).
...Finished my third and final attempt at getting National Boards. I think I'll get it, but I thought it the last two times. I'm keeping all of my thoughts to myself until the results come in.
...Been tasked with cooking up lesson utilizing the new Smart Board installed in my room. Not, it was put up so low that I couldn't walk under the projection boom without hitting my head. The projection was crooked as well. They've come back and raised and straightened it, though.
...spoken on the phone with a parent who said her son was getting in trouble for petty things...ie. talking during and disrupting class. When my principal heard this, she called her in for a conference where she was a complete angel. I wanted to puke.
Over at History is Elementary, EHT posted an interesting Book Meme that she got from Eoin Purcell's Blog, which I admittedly haven't visited yet. I have a hard enough time visiting my blogs as it is (Sorry everybody, even those of you who don't realize I visit). Anyway, here be the rules...
1. Pick up the nearest book 2. Open to page 123 3. Find the fifth sentence 4. Post the next three sentences 5. Tag five people and acknowledge who tagged you
So, here we go..
1. Duma Key by Stephen King...My favorite writer. His most recent book. About a man who, after a mutilating accident, goes to the Florida Keys, specifically Duma Key, to get his life back together. But then, Duma's history has something to say.
2-4. "Part of Duma's development problem is simple overgrowth. The sea oats belong, but the rest of that shit has no business growing without irrigation. Somebody better investigate, that's what I think."
"My daughter and I went exploring one day..."
King uses a lot of foreshadowing in this one. It may not be more than usual as my memory of any book remains only with a plot summary, not with technique, but it seems that Duma Key has a lot of foreshadowing, which may be because one of the themes of the book is memory loss, so rather than Flashbacks, which I know he often uses for characterization, but with the memory loss theme, Flashbacks aren't as accessible...so Foreshadowing...Or I'm reading too much into it...Maybe si, maybe no.
Again, I wasn't tagged, but I swiped it from EHT at History is Elementary.
I tag: My wife Blue (whichever blog you want to put it on is fine, dear) Mrs. Chili over at A Teacher's Education My friend Amy (you haven't mentioned a blog, so I guess just post in my comments) SaintSeester over at Saint Seester Says... and Irrational over at Math Teacher's Notebook
One of the most misunderstood figures of the war, your campaign at Vicksburg was a work of military genius, but future generations will come to view you as a butcher who won by weight of numbers. Sorry 'bout that.
I'll take it...especially compared to the near miss I had with Sherman. I would not have been happy being named Sherman.......
EHT has another cool meme I'm going to do soon about privilege...I'll admit I'm not real thrilled about the tone of that word "privilege", but there are interesting questions there...
Oh, and before I forget...Soon I'll be revealing a forum my wife is helping me develop (which means I tell her what I'm looking for and she does it, cause she's computer savvy and I'm computer middlin'). It's focus is going to be on education and school, but I'll tell you more about it when it's up and running.
Introducing the new Parenting Awards...the LOFties
Work has provided me with several interesting stories about parents and the practice of labelling behaviors as mental illness.
I was in a meeting recently where we discussed what should be done about a student who was diagnosed with Disruptive Disorder. I asked, "So, there's a disorder now that makes us disrupt?" Ok, in meetings I know better than to ask questions like that, but I did ask, "What is Disruptive Disorder?" What I was told was that to be diagnosed with Disruptive Disorder, a person has to display certain behaviors like continual rule breaking, aggression, etc., and through testing doctors rule out other possible causes like ADHD and such. So I said, "So it's a catchall for when they can't figure out what's wrong?" I was told...yes.
Now, I don't want to say that that negates the disability and that it doesn't exist. I'm not going to say I necessarily understand what I was told, and maybe I was given the simple version since I'm just an English teacher. I am concerned, however, that psychiatrists are doling out the meds for behaviors which other children can display and then get rid of with effective discipline. I wonder how many children get labeled with ADHD, ODD, and other Disruptive Disorders (using Goggle, I learned that Disruptive Disorder is apparently a class of disorders) when they are just suffering from BADD, Behavior Absent Discipline Disorder.
I don't wonder this just because I feel that naming disorders for socially unacceptable behavior and medicating people who display these behaviors removes all personal responsibility, but as a teacher who has seen the child who has BADD and the parents that gave it to them. They use the Lord of the Flies parenting approach. Parents using the LOF approach feel that all a sentient being needs to become a good, upright, productive member of society is respect. They respect their boundaries by not getting too involved in their activities. They respect their privacy by not going through their rooms. They respect their individuality by letting them make their own decisions under the assumption that they will eventually learn how to make better decisions on their own. It doesn't work...
I spoke with one parent, again recently, although I've heard the message from many parents, who said, "Well, it's up to him to decide to behave. I've spoken with him until I'm blue in the face, but until he decides to make the right decision, he's going to just keep getting in trouble."
Ummm...no. See, that's LOF parenting. It's NOT his decision because he lives in YOUR house. He is a teenager barely. He doesn't know how to make decisions yet. He doesn't think about tomorrow much less 5 or 6 years from now when he's graduating from high school and has to make it in the world. You talk to him? My dad talked to me all the time about the importance of doing my homework and while I understood what he was saying and I agreed with him, I still didn't do my homework. At 33, I wish I had done my homework, but at 13, even though I understood and agreed, I didn't make the decision to do it. But then this is a parent who asked if he was the only one talking during class and if I've moved him away from the other students with whom he is speaking. No, he isn't always the only one talking, although sometimes he is, and even if others are talking, they all get in equal trouble, and yes he's been moved to the most isolated desk...still, no effect. But then if you would do more than talk, maybe he'd be a little more compliant. This parent wins my new parenting award for effective use of the Lord of the Flies Parenting Style, the LOFty.
Another parent, at a meeting about whether or not her child would stay with us or return to the home school, said, "Whether she stays here or goes back, she'll still just get in trouble." Well, mom, that's encouraging. I didn't get much information on her parenting style, but I would guess that she probably used a LOF type of discipline and at this point, has gotten frustrated that her child has not just started making responsible decisions. So rather than changing her style to one that is effective like knowing your child is capable of behaving and if she doesn't, then things are taken away like the phone, the tv, the mp3 player, etc., the parent gives up and makes degrading comments. This parent, too, wins a LOFty.
Now, I will say that I don't know how good a parenting job I will have done when all is said and done. I also know that some parents have a hard time monitoring their children and disciplining because they are single parents and/or have to work long, hard hours. I mean, how can you make sure your child doesn't watch TV when he gets home from school hours before you get home from work? Well, I know I'd deprive myself of the television to make a point. There's nothing that I would take from my children that I wouldn't eliminate from my life if necessary to reach my children...but that's just me.
This week, I've finally found acceptance among the cool kids. Ok, as a teacher, because brought in to the cool crowd should not be a high priority on my list, especially with the "in-group" being teenagers, but I'm still holding on to some of my feelings of isolation and embarassment from things like my middle school nickname of "Goob".
Well, it's the nicknames that have told me how accepted I've become. Like "Fucking Faggot". Isn't that nice? And I appreciate the use of alliteration there. It's a little long, though, and I'm not sure really applicable in describing who I am as a person. It's also a bit risque for school. I mean, ok I have 5 children, so referring to me as a bundle of sticks with a healthy sex life...I'm not sure I can allow that one to continue. Another student called me "Homo", which is great. I mean, "Homo" is a prefix meaning "the same"...so he was saying that I am the same as him...see, acceptance! Then one student called me "Little Bitch". That one certainly has the compliment of saying that I am not overweight, and "bitch" is a female dog. Well, they often call each other "dog". I guess the female reference is just a friendly jab. They're always making fun of each other in friendly ways. Also, clearly, "bitch" and "little" have assonance, so that's an appreciated langauge arts nod as well. I received one more nickname this week...well, I didn't receive it from my student, but he used it..."Asshole". It makes me wonder if he's reading my blog and was letting me know in an indirect manner.
So now I'm hanging with the popular kids, although they should probably settle on one nickname rather than everyone coming up with a different one. But they like me...they really like me. I'm just going to bask in the warm fuzzies of my new nicknames.
Well, this is Little Bitch Asshole saying, I'm in like Flynn!
Birthdays, bronchitis, and prepositions in need of a lift
I now have two 4-year-olds. TWO! My Sierra-Girl turned 4 on Saturday, and Zebra-Girl hasn't made it to 5. Of course, as clumsy as she is, it's no surprise her younger sister is catching up.
Right now I'm sitting at home feeling bad for two reasons. Reason #1: I have bronchitis. YAY! No energy, can't catch my breath, I got feverish Thursday and a little bit feverish Friday after visiting the doc...Luckily it hasn't been that bad since then.
Reason 2: I've been off from work now 2 days. I hate not being at work. I feel guilty because I know how much one person being out can affect things at the Alternate Reality School of Excellence (ARSE). I've already heard how things went to Hades in a wastebasket Friday. Expulsions galore. Now, I know it's egotistical and arrogant of me to think that had I been there, things would have gone differently...except a coworker told me a lot of it sprang from my room. Well, wonderful.
I also found out Friday, after the doc told me that I have bronchitis, that I have high blood pressure. Yay! I teach at ARSE, I live on an animal farm, and I have 5 children...How could I possibly have high blood pressure? He said, "It won't cause any problems until one day you have a stroke. So take a look at that when you get passed the bronchitis." Thanks, doc. That helped my blood pressure a lot. It's called a bedside manner. It doesn't mean you have to blow me, but at least whisper sweet nothings in my ear so I don't feel like my brain is going to get a crowbar and make itself an exit in the next week or so. This is why I don't go to doctors. That and ridiculous doctor bills.
I guess that's all for now.
Wait, wait...in honor of my good friend, Mrs. Chili, there's one more thing. I have the hardest time finding desk calenders that are any good. Word-of-the-Day calenders generally have too many words that I already know. Sex position calenders have IMPOSSIBLE positions...*cough*...so I hear. Cartoon/comic calenders, of course, have cartoons and comics I've already seen. I don't have enough time to complete some kind of puzzle every day, so that'd be a waste. This year I thought I'd try an Errors in the English calender clarifying common misspellings and little known mistakes. Well, it's been disappointing too.
Many of the mistakes I have never heard. If I've heard the mistake, then I already knew it was a mistake. But it took the cake when it made its own mistake. It was warning about doubling prepositions like, "Rico hated Henry, with whom he always fought with." Two "withs"...not necessary. The calender then says to remove either "with". Uh...no. See, that's a stranded preposition. If you wrote, "Rico hated Henry, whom he always fought with" then your preposition doesn't have an object. A preposition needs an object. I know this is a point of debate and some people say that these days it's an archaic rule. But I struggle everyday to watch my prepositions and the calender could have acknowledged the debate.
Finally, I made a video reviewing my bronchitis for my Chi of Cheese blog. Enjoy.
Monday was Delta-Boy's 6th birthday. He's been on a big Transformers kick, so I thought it would be cool to get him some real Transformers. Delta-Boy was very excited, but it didn't take THIS big kid to be disappointed in my son's gifts...Check out the quality of Scorponok and Longview from Hasbro's current Transformers line
When the Transformers first came out in 1984, they were sturdier. I remember thinking that some of the toys didn't quite want to transform the way they were supposed to transform, but I don't remember them breaking.
All toys seem to be higher quality back then. Sure, you'd lose your GI Joe guns and Masters of the Universe swords, but the action figures stayed together and you could pretend that they had weapons, or better yet your guys would fight hand-to-hand, which was always more exciting than using weapons.
Duke: "Stop, Cobra Commander, or I'll shoot you with my Sub-machine gun!"
Cobra Commander: "You can't ssstop me!"
Sub-Machine Gun: "Bratatatatatatatatatatat"
Cobra Commander: "Ahhhh...I'm mortally wounded. *cough cough* I ssshould have told Ssscarlet that these terrorissst activitiesss were just feeble attemptsss to get clossse to her. I never wasss any good with women. Uhhhhh *life expelling gasp*"
You know, it was much more fun without the guns, using the swivel grips to contort the figures into impossible wrestling positions, and throwing each other off the cliff, which was really the bed with the floor being the bottom of some canyon where the victim luckily didn't die and was ok enough to continue their epic battle.
I bought Delta-Boy some dragon toy where the dragon was wrapped in its wings like it was in an egg, and then you unfold the wings and you have a dragon. Well, the wings wouldn't stay on. It seemed similar to some of the Masters of the Universe toys in size and materials, but you had to TRY and remove He-Man's arms, and the legs were permanent...Not that I mistreated the lead hero of the Masters of the Universe who was oddly the most BORING of the lot. But I digress...
Toys should be made to last. Delta-Boy has seen another Transformer, Payload, that he's interested in, but he's expressed concern about it falling apart. He spends more time making his own Transformers out of paper or Lego blocks. I'll show you his home made Transformers later...
A short while ago, we had a slight plumbing problem...Any mice living under our sink found themselves with a handy waterpark. Thrifty Wife is the local engineer, so she set forth to fix the Mini-Waterfall, but encountered a problem under the house where the pipes led. So, much like Mario seeking extra coins in the underworld chambers of the Mushroom Kingdom, I entered the Underhouse Kingdom...
*dirr dirr dirr*
Buhnuhnuhnuhnuh...
King Koopa was heard to comment, "Plumbers? Plumber alert!"
The other day, during nap time, Bravo-Boy (remember, the 2-year old) came out of his room and said, "Dada, me gotta wee!"
"Get to it, then," I responded.
He tromps down the hall to the bathroom with intent. But then time creeps on. I begin to realize that the noble pasttime of urination should not take that long, especially for a 2-year old with a bladder approximately 10 times smaller than mine. So I go investigating. Bathroom door standing open. Light on. Signs that Bravo-Boy is in the area. Then...
AHHHHH!
Bravo-Boy pops out of the dining room located directly to the right of the bathroom.
"Why were you in the dining room, Bravo-Boy?"
"Nothing."
"Go back to your room and take a nap, Bravo-Boy."
"Ok."
As Bravo-Boy passes me in the hall, I notice a strange presence around his mouth. I put my hand on the child's shoulder as he passes and bend down. I sniff. Peanut butter!
"Bravo-Boy, you've been helping yourself to the peanut butter. You do not help yourself to the peanut butter. Go to your room. Now."
Case closed. Another collar for Detective Dadasshole.
The Peanut Butter Pinch II: A Sticky Predicament The other day, same day as the previous episode, Delta-Boy comes out of his room during nap time.
"Dada, I've got to go wee." "Get to it then."
He tromps down the hall to the bathroom with intent. This time, however, I just needed to get something from the kitchen, probably a Diet Coke, so I too tromped down the hall with intent without suspiscion when...
AHHHHHHH!
Out pops Delta-Boy from the dining room with a quick, "I was just using the bathroom."
The Dadometer goes wild. Something is afoot. Keenly aware of the previous incident with Bravo-Boy, I inquire, "Were you eating peanut butter?"
"No."
I bend down to a clean faced Delta-Boy...and...snifffffff...The distinct fragrance of peanut butter hung around Delta-Boy's mouth. The situation goes to Condition Yellow!
"Go to your room. You're not getting dessert after supper tonight."
Case closed. Another collar for Detective Dadasshole.
But...is the case closed?
Was the crime eating peanut butter without permission? Was it lying about it? Both? I don't know how I would have reacted if Delta-Boy had confessed during the interrogation. I may have just said, "You are not to help yourself to peanut butter or any food without asking Mama or me." I don't know, though. But coupled with lying...that's unacceptable. And it's been a growing problem. Sometimes just little things like he's in a room and something happens and you ask him about it. "I don't know." You know he knows. He was there. He's a witness.
Worse, it's happening at school. Thrifty Mama learned this week that he's been lying to his teachers. I spoke with one Friday explaining that it's been a problem at home, so I would be emailing on Fridays to find out if it's continuing. I don't need to know daily. I just need to have an idea if it's happening in safety away from home. Away from the Dadometer.
I've explained to him why we don't lie. Trust. If you can't tell Mama and Dada, it's something you shouldn't be doing. It's a sign you're doing something bad.
The problem is that I'm not sure when I should trust my son. He's told me the truth and I thought he wasn't. When I learned what he said was the truth, I apologized but explained..."This is why we don't lie."
We had an incident today...
"Dada, Zebra-Girl is making farty noises." "Ok, and?" "It's annoying me!" "Then go away from her."
Delta-Boy trundles off and I hear, "Dada said..." and his voice trails off.
"Delta-Boy!" "What?" "You mean, 'Sir?' right?" "Sir?" "What did you just tell Zebra-Girl I said?" "Nothing." "I heard you say, 'Zebra-Girl, Dada said...' What did you tell her I said?" "Nothing. I was going to say something but then I remembered something and stopped." "Zebra-Girl!" "What?" "Don't you mean, 'Sir?'" "Sir?" "What did Delta-Boy say I said." "I don't remember."
(Very possible. I love my Zebra-Girl, but she has the attention span of a tsetse fly.)
"Did he tell you that I said to stop making farty noises?" "Yes."
Ok, leading the witness. Because of that, I'm not sure she's telling the truth or just knows that Dada isn't happy. I hate that I don't just automatically trust my son. It's all I think about when he's telling me something. I'm sure it will pass. As his teacher told me, "He's a good boy." But I also think of my students, some of whom won't tell the truth even when it would serve them better.
It's probably just a phase...but I want to make sure that's all it is. I'm just afraid I may also be overreacting.
Last post I shared with everyone my new, warm, cozy sleep socks. Now they are warm, cozy, smelly sleep socks! Woohoo! They are broken in!
Well, another one of my wonderful gifts from my eldest sister, I'll call her Hotel-Sis. That has nothing to do with her job or anything. Just a reference to her initials. Moving on...
Hotel-Sis got me a Flip Camcorder. Cool, huh? It really is! Easy to use, so far. The "so far" hopefully captured your attention. I plugged The Flip into my conputer to download my videos...mostly random stuff just playing around, but some stuff I intended to use, and...nothing. Huh. Well, something was supposed to happen. Hotel-Sis had warned me that apparently they made so many of these so quickly, being the "hot, new thing", that it wasn't uncommon for Flips to turn up with errors in their programming. Well, I went to the Flip website to see what it had to say, and tried a couple of things to no avail, and sent the problem in to Customer Service. Follow me into the dreaded CSL...Customer Service Loop.
Loop 1: Request for information about me and the unit. Understandable. Told to just send in the Flip, they'll reprogram and try and save my videos. Not happy, but fair enough.
Purgatory: 24 Hours later. No response. Send email asking if they got my information, etc.
Loop 2: Before proceding, they want to try one more troubleshooting step. Fair enough...but part of what they wanted me to do, I didn't understand how I was supposed to do it. So I asked for clarification.
Purgatory .5: Received email in response to my email asking if they have received the information and am asked to re-forward the information.
Return to Loop 1: I re-sent the information. No clarification for my previous question.
Loop 1.5: Given information about sending the camera in including sending the exact same information I've provided via email 3 times already.
It's enough to drive someone insane. Cartainly nauseous. So I'll send in my Flip hoping they'll save my videos, and I might be able to do some video stuff here. But keep your vomit bags handy...just in case.
So, how was everyone's Christmas? Good, I hope. Christmas went by in the Asshole household without a hitch. Giant Microbes were a big hit this year as Delta-Boy got Tuberculosis, Zebra-Girl got Flesh-Eating Virus, Sierra-Girl got the Black Death, Bravo-Boy got Athelete's Foot, and Yankee-Boy got the Ebola Virus. Mamahole got the Common Cold, and I got myself a House Fly, a carrier of microbes...
One of my big gifts, and some of you may laugh, but one of my big gifts this year were sleep socks. Socks not worn because you are walking out in public in shoes, but thick, warm socks worn because you are at home, you're comfortable, but if not for those sleep socks, your toes would be cold. Now to make sure you understand why the sleep socks were one of the big hits of my Christmas, you have to understand how my feetses got around before Christmas morning... Man, those are some cold, unhappy feet. Notice how my new House Fly loves my feet. It's not that they are stank feet. Eau Contraire! It's the holey socks.
Oh! Holey Socks The Toes are Gently Peeking It is the holes in our poor, smelly socks....
So my most wonderful wife got me new Sleep Socks for my poor toesies...
Nothing says Christmas like warm, flyless toes. Merry Christmas everybody!
I sat down this morning with my newspaper hoping not to find too much death and misery and I was greeted with something else disturbing of a different nature. Professional childishness.
The headline: "Romney targets Huckabee"
Doing a Google search of the phrase "Romney targets Huckabee" and you get 2,000 plus pages. That's with the quotes. My question is...why?
I'd go off on a whole rant about Romney and how he can't seem to convince everyone he can be president without demeaning his opponents abilities and characters...but it's not just Romney.
Another headline: "Obama fires back at Bill Clinton"
Why?
Ok, that question is brought from two thoughts. Not just "Why can't a politician just say why he's the best choice for president without saying why the other person isn't the best choice?" Also, why are we even talking to Bill? If I was Obama, the only "firing back" I would do would be to say, "I thought your wife was running for president, not you."
When Dubya ran, his father didn't get this much attention. No wives get so much press time.
Anyway, that's not my focus here...Why do Americans want to see their prospective leaders fighting like middle schoolers? In a classroom, if students were blaming, finger pointing, insulting, and ridiculing each other, like our politicians do, the students would get in trouble. They'd be told to knock it off.
So I leave you with two questions to ponder:
1) Why do we hold our elementary and middle school aged children to higher standards of behavior than our political leaders?
2) Where's the politician with the strength of character to say, "I will not bother slandering my opponent's name. I will not stoop to mudslinging. I will explain why I should be president, and refute my opponents' disparaging remarks, and that it all." Where is that politician? Because that politician I would be happy to vote for, regardless of party.
It's been, practically, a month since I posted here. I can't remember what I talked about, and I could, of course, check, but I figure after a month, I don't need to worry about what I said last. I've just been very busy. I find that I'm taking on more and more responsibilities and I don't seem to have very much free time. I've never been very good at posting during the school year, when all the good stuff happens, but this just seems excessive, especially since I was posting regularly there for a little while.
Things to talk about...
I'm the school's new news coordinator. That means I contact newspaper and television reporters when there's something going on at school which they may find newsworthy. I've written my first press release about our SRO teaching anti-gang and defensive driving courses. Two separate classes, of course. I was very nervous and sent my press release to be critiqued by the district news...chief. I don't know what her title is, honestly. She said it was a perfect press release, especially for a first time. I have no idea if the reporter is going to do a news story on our SRO, but I'm hoping. It's good human interest, if you ask me.
I'm the news coordinator for the school because I've taken on a creative writing/journalism class. I'm focusing on creative writing by looking first analyzing excellent examples of literature and then taking the concepts used and trying to apply them to the students' own writings. As the news chief tells me, creative writing and journalism are opposite ends of the writing spectrum as she says in journalism you don't want flowery adjectives, although I've read articles where the opening is very descriptive with figurative language. I don't know squat about journalism and have been looking for something to assist. We have one copy of a journalism text which was printed in 1994. Oddly enough, I found out that's the same standard journalism text across the district, which means out district hasn't adopted new journalism texts in 13 years.............I've ordered myself something from a catelogue. We'll see if I can pull this journalism thing together.
Gang tensions are mounting at school. I know I teach at ARSE (Alternate Reality School for Excellence) and a large portion of our student body are expelled students who often come with gang connections, but gang tensions have never cropped up. Ok, rarely cropped up, and never so blatantly. I hate gangs. I hate gangs because they take children whose parents ignore them or just don't have time to pay much attention because they are working their asses off, they use the violence they help to create, and promise to protect them and guide them. They then beat the shit out of them "to make them strong" and guide them toward activities which greatly limit their future prospects. Those're criminal activities, in case I lost you. So all this is going through my mind and I'm reading the Freedom Writers Diary to my classes...all of my classes...and I'm reminded of the short story The Last Spin by Evan Hunter. It occurred to me while reading the story that the only difference between one gang and the other is that one gang sports one color and values certain symbols, and another gang has a different color and different symbols. In the end, they are all the same except the color the prefer. Possibly due to recent discussions with Ms. Roygbiv, our art teacher, I'm reminded that you shine a light into a prism and you get all kinds of colors...all color comes from the same light. Then I thought, "Is there an anti-gang presentation in this? So now with the help of Bonita the guidance counselor and Mrs. Dorian, our middle school science teacher, I'm trying to create an anti-gang presentation. I'm limited in that I've never done this before and I think my idea is one we can't pull off and it needs to be scaled back, but it could still be effective. I need to convert the story into a play or skit or whatever. We'll see what develops...
I need to piece together the history of my school because I've been there longer than anyone save for the custodian.
I still have no classroom computer.
I drive my son to school every morning to varying degrees of effectiveness from the teachers on hand to unload students.
I'm on the Faculty Urges Communication Krew (FUCK) made up of this year's and last year's teachers of the year to communicate to the superintendent what the other teachers think of how things are going.
This week I'm starting a class in order to get recertification credit, because being a teacher alone doesn't recertify myself and I have so much time to spare that 3 hours once a week is nothing to me.
That covers most everything. I'll try and be by more often. I could go into greater detail with everything and probably put some humor into it, but humor is a time waster and I have little to spare...see you next time.
I know, I know, I haven't been blogging! I've been getting used to my new school year and not doing a good job of it. For instance, one day I was sitting in the computer lab doing some work because the computer in my room is acting wonky. I knew that after middle school lunch, I had one period of planning before my next class. But watch what happens when the interpid teacher mixes up middle school lunch and high school lunch...Crikey, look at that! He completely missed one of his classes!
Yep, missed one completely. Came down and called the students to my room as they tried to go somewhere else and had to be explained to by the students where they were going. Doh!
I told my coworker who held onto the class that she should have radioed me. She said she would have been unbelievably embarrassed if everyone in the school heard her name radioed to come to her class. Here's where we learn about different priorities. One teacher is concerned about how said teacher appears to coworkers. One teacher is concerned that said teacher didn't do his fucking job. Appearance versus responsibility. Which is more important to you?
A similar event happened later when I forgot I had lunch duty. I had been, again, working in the computer lab (I really need my computer fixed) and was returning to my portable for some material when a coworker yelled across the parking lot.
"Mr. Asshole, do you have lunch detention?" "What?" "I think you do!"
And sure enough, I did. So I went to the lunch room with about 10 minutes to spare of lunch time and Coach goes, "there he is!" and another coworker says, "Yep, that's him," and trudges off to scarf what she can of her lunch down before the next class. Again, "You should have radioed for me. I forgot."
"I would be mortified if my name got called for lunch duty."
Damn it! What the hell? So I'm surrounded by people who would rather screw up totally and few know than screw up a little and everyone knows. What does that say about priorities. Yep, they're getting misplaced.
I'll try and pencil some time in tomorrow to tell about my actual classes. But there may be no point cause I'll forget to wear pants soon...
The second day back to school was a little better, if not productive. Principal Trinity set up a game where we teachers were put into groups and sent out following clues until we found the final clue leading us to where we all would reunite for lunch.
I was partnered with Jinny, the guidance counselor, Bonita, our secretary, and the new middle school science teacher, Mrs. Dorian. We had a great time. It was a lot of fun.
But...
As mentioned yesterday, I still have a lot of work to do in preparation for this new school year. I'd be a little less concerned except that tomorrow I have faculty development all day and Tuesday we have the District kick-off followed by, faculty development, so I can only hope that Wednesday I'll be left alone in my room for the entire day.
I'll let you know how things progress.
Oh, and check out Rosemond's article about school uniforms. I agree with everything he says, and I found particular interest when he stated that, "by sending a child to a public school, a parent consents, a priori, to government "interference" in child-rearing matters." I especially agree with this considering the number of parents expecting the school to do such things as teaching their children about sex, and disciplining their children in isolation without the crucial parental discipline necessary to let the child know that it's not "just a school thing" when he gets in trouble.
So on Thursday, the school year started back. No students yet, just the pre-student set-up week. I should say "set-up" because I've only spent about an hour and a half working on getting ready for the new school year. That's for two days equaling 16 hours on the job. That's not for my laziness. I mean I have laziness, and that's usually the reason why I don't get things done. But not this time baby! I am STRESSED!
See, I've been moved to a new room (read portable) and everything of mine is in a box. Well, not one box, but several boxes strewn about about my room.
Mrs. Chili, riddle me this...should I say "everything is in a box" or "everything is in boxes"?
Ok, where was I?
Oh, yes, things, boxes, not ready for school to start! So, for fun, let's add some items to my "Gotta Get It Done Before Day One" list.
I learned on my first day back in the "Welcome back, here's what changed" meeting with Trinity (She's the third principal I've worked for at Alternate Reality School of Excellence, or Arse). I go from teaching 4 classes to 6. Classes are cut from 70 minutes to 48 minutes. One of my classes is a middle school reading accellaration program which I've had exposure to in the past, ans the other is a high school elective class.
Bloody high school.
I asked Principal Trinity what I was to do with this unnamed High School elective class.
Trinity: "Well, it can be anything you want it to be, but I can tell you what I was thinking?" Asshole: "Ok, what did you have in mind?" Trinity: "Just a Creative Writing class where you could head up the school newsletter. I don't want it to be something you have to plan for, so just go in and do whatever you want."
HAHAHAHAHAH! Not plan for. Yeah, ok. See, if you want me to head up the school newsletter, I'm going to want to teach some journalism and throw in the fun stuff for filler. The poetry and short stories and such, the stuff I could "just wing it with" would be just padding. Basically, I'm thinking predominantly a journalism course.
Query: Has the Asshole had anything to do with a journalism class before now?
Response: Hell...no.
Now, technically I could go to Principal Trinity and say, "You know, I think I'd rather teach a class on how comic books have affected culture," and she'd probably say, "Yeah, ok."
I make that assertion because a coworker, this year we'll call her Bess, was in the same boat and she said, "Can I teach sewing?" There were some parameters about reaching out to the community, but she pretty much got the go ahead.
But here's my problem...I'm a Work With-er. Had she said, "I want you to teach sex ed," I would say, after inquiring, "Why don't you want me to teach Ed sex?" I would respond, "Ok, am I just going over the basics or are we talking techniques and Kama Sutra?"
In a world of Work Againsters, I'm a Worth With-er. So it's my fault, but now I've asked the district language arts head about journalism teachers and I'm scouring the net for resources on teaching journalism.
So, students return to school in T-Minus 4 days...this Thursday. I need to:
1. Unpack and set up room. 2. Develop parameters of two new classes. 3. Get stuff ready for the six total classes I'm teaching on Thursday. 4. Figure out how to do the same amount of teaching with a lot less time.
Freaking out!
But no, I'm not done...I also have the pleasure of Arse (Alternative Reality School of Excellence) politics.
The middle school teachers were held after for some clarifications on the changes I've already shared. During the extended meeting, I decided I'd share a concern that was shared with me from Bess and Bull, my coworkers from last year. See, I decided this would be a good opportunity to show that we could be a team and reassert myself to a position of leadership in the middle school. But I should have held my tongue. I said to Principal Trinity, "The others talked with me and I shared some of their concerns about the new behavior policy, and we'd like to present for your consideration a melding of our old system and your new system. Blah, blah, blah."
The others were...silent. Trinity's retort: "The intent of the new policy is to blah blah blah and blah blah blah. What about if blah blah?"
Bess chimes in: "Yeah, we could blah blah."
Asshole Interior Monologue: "Man, my ass hurts. I think I've been screwed. What are you talking about Bess? This doesn't alleviate your concerns."
Well, I just said, "Ok," cause while I don't agree with all of Trinity's assertions, as stated above, I'm a Work With-er. The only reason I said anything to mend fences. Well, I don't seem to be a fence mender. So I shut up. Anyway, I wanted to get out of there so I could help Mrs. Asshole pay school fees for Delta-Boy, our first kindergartener.
Bess and Bull finally chimed in some things in very non-assertive ways. More like points of clarification than points of contention.
So stressed and annoyed.
Day 2 was better save for not working in my room...but I'll share that tomorrow.
Oh, in case you didn't notice, I do want to clarify. The names used in this post do refer to some of the same people referred to in previous posts. But I figured new year, new names, so in order to help with anonymity, I changed the names again. Also, that's why I used "blahs" for the conversation up there. The details aren't important, and going for the whole "plausible deniability" thing.
I actually need to catch you up on two weeks worth of adventure.
When we left off, Yogi had shown some minor improvement showing up before my patience threshold was hit, and even early one day. Granted he called in sick on Friday. Raise your hands if you've ever called in sick on Friday to start an early vacation. Exactly.
Monday - A phonecall right before I left saying he was still sick. This boy needs to live in a bubble.
Tuesday - He shows up at school before I even leave the house, but tells the principal that he can't come in today because he has to take his girlfriend to the hospital. I'll keep my thoroughly inappropriate, unprofessional comments to myself.
Wednesday - On the way to work, I get a call from mom. Seems, Yogi is stressed out. It seems that summer school and time spent with me is just too much for him. Plus, he wants to get a job. He's also decided he doesn't have time to complete the class for credit. He was wondering, all his idea of course, if I could just tutor him in a subject he needs tutoring in, and if we can pick back up after summer school is through for the summer.
Naturally, I say that I can't just make that decision on my own, but I'll communicate the request to my superiors, and I'd get back to her. I did call back and leave a message saying that weekend to say we could pick up on Monday with the tutoring, "I'll see him at our regular time."
Monday - No show. No call. Nothing.
Friday - Previous days had already been rescheduled for macation time. But again, no show, no call, nothing. I called mom to say that I was concerned because he hadn't shown up in the last couple of days, but he still has a few hours he can take advantage of before school starts back. "I'll be expecting him on Monday." Mom has yet to call me back.
The secretary, when I told her I'd see her Monday, responded, "You're going to give him another chance?"
I explained that until the parent or one of my bosses says not to worry about it, I'm going to go in just in case he shows up. If he comes in and I'm not there, oh, I would be so wrong for that. So it's Cover Your Asshole time.
Week 2 showed me that I am influencing his decision making, but it's not a total transformation...
Monday - Mother called saying he wouldn't be coming in with little explanation.
Tuesday - Mother called and said he'd be 10-15 minutes late due to stomach problems. He showed up 27 minutes late. I told him I would not wait past the 15 minute lateness again. He left afteer an hour.
Wednesday - Only showed up nine minutes late, but left 30 minutes early. I called Mother to let her know what happened the previous day and this day. When I mentioned him being late 27 minutes the day before, she reminded me that she called me to let me know. I had to explain that she said 10-15 minutes and he was 27 minutes late. I would not wait past 15 minutes again.
Thursday - Yogi showed up 15 minutes EARLY? Unbelievable. It wasn't perfect though as he left 20 minutes early, but an amazing improvement.
Friday - Received a call before I left the house. Yogi had been up late puking. That is the sickest kid! He wouldn't be coming. I called to let my Principal know and I found out that he made it to summer school and she couldn't figure out why he couldn't make it to me. Good question.
While there's been some improvement, some of the games are still going on, but I'm starting to get across to him that I'm not playing.
My wife got a book recently called "Fat Dog Don't Run No Rabbit", by Frank L. Quinn. It's sub title says, "Promoting Change in Overpriveleged Childron and Their Families". Quinn points out early on that economic status has little to do with whether or not a child is overprivileged. Sure, a child whose parents buy him the latest gaming system every time a new one comes out is over priviliged, but so to is the child who's wearing hand-me-downs and whose single-parent mother defends her child's actions, poor grades, disruptive behaviors, fighting, on everything other than the true culprit to blame, him- or herself.
As Mrs. Asshole has been reading bits and pieces of this book to me, I thought of a student of mine. Let's call him Yogi. I'm Park Ranger Asshole, and the ever desired picinic basket is really time away from the lesson.
See, my school owed Yogi some educational hours. "Owed" may be a bit strong a term here, as the hours had been offered, but he was almost never available. However, do to a clerical error, he got a second chance. In order to avoid the same clerical error from last time, I documented everything. These were my Adventures in teaching Yogi.
Week 1:
Day 1 - Yogi informs me that he has to leave after have of his allotted 2 hours. I inquire as to the reason and he responds, "I have to get my grandmother's phone back to her."
"Doesn't she know you're supposed to stay for two hours?"
"Yeah, but she doesn't know I have her phone."
YOGI!
Day 2 - Yogi doesn't seem to understand that any break time he takes for lunch/snack extends his departure time. He took a 23 minute break, so I reminded him he needed to stay 23 minutes after his original leave time. He declares he's not staying and leaves 23 minutes early.
YOGI!
Day 3 - 20 minutes before out meeting time, while in transit to the school, I get a call saying that mom called the school saying he was sick. He had gotten sick at summer school and it tool at least 30 minutes for them to call to cancel...
YOGI!
Day 4 - I wait 15 minutes after the arranged meet time. I was told by the district coordinator of this stuff not to wait more than 15 minutes, so I leave. I'm pulling up to my house 10 minutes later and I get a call from Mom. He got caught in traffic. The fact that summer school is less than 5 minutes from my school and it apparently took him 1 hour and 25 minutes to get to the school does not concern Mom. I refuse to turn around and return to the school.
YOGI!
Day 5 - On the way to school, I get a call from Yogi saying that he would be 15 minutes late because he had "to take my girlfriend somewhere." I waited 30 minutes past the arranged time and Yogi finally showed up right when I was giving up. He brought in tow his girlfriend, his buddy Boo-Boo. "I didn't have time to take her home," he says.
"Well, you have time now. I'll see you next week," I respond.
YOGI!
Yogi got the better of me that first week with the help of his mother. We'll see if I could get her to stop accepting his excuses in another post.
I had transferred to Local Middle School (although as dreams often do, I knew what it was supposed to be, but it didn't look anything like the real deal). Th teacher's name whom I replaced was still on the door, but they had my named written on paper and taped up. "Mr. Asswhole". DAMNIT! Why do they ALWAYS misspell my name?
The whole school is chaotic, students and teachers just wandering the halls at all times. Amongst them my original boss, the guy who first gave me a teaching job. A man I greatly respect. So when things went bad, his presence made things worse.
First, it turned out that my room was infested with bees. They were buzzing all around me, and I was trying to herd them out of the door, because bees are herd animals, apparently. One of my students ran up to me yelling, "Mr. Asshole, I'll get them!" and he starts swinging at them. This riles them up (Yes, I said "riles") and they sting me. Now, when I think of bees stinging I always imagine quite vividly, even in my dreams in seems, the stinger sticking in my skin, and as the bees flies away, his innards slewsh out in a grotesque fashion onto my skin, but in my nightmare, it wasn't imagination. I needed a towel to wipe bee innards off of my skin.
Then I realized that some students, female students, had gotten a hold of my laptop.
"What are you doing with that!?" *GIGGLE* "Give me that!"
When I got my laptop back, I saw they had changed the wallpaper of my laptop to a picture of the group of girls, naked, laying in a mass.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I COULD GET FIRED!"
Then class changed, I wandered off to get a refreshment and...lost my classroom. It was either 8 or 18, but I could remember which, and my name had fluttered off of the door. I knew people were talking about me. The ineffectual teacher from the Alty School, so I was hesitant to ask for help. Luckily, I found my room.
The next class had, oddly enough, adults alongside students. I tried to teach, but the adults were disrupting the class. I got frustrated and told all the adults to leave, and I was promptly ignored. So I threatened to call the Student Resource Officer, and was continued to be ignored. So I went looking for the call button to the office. They realized I was done playing and the adults, plus several students, started leaving. I instructed the students to remain in the class, not that they listened. I could have used the walkie talkie, but again, I knew I was already being talked about.
As I circled the room (It was a circular room!) a kid tossed a mechanical device to me. I didn't know what it was, but it was warm, clearly doing something. I tossed the contraption back. As I circled I heard a kind of exploding noise and all the electronics, save for some of the ceiling lights, went out. I knew right away, it was a device that emitted an electro-magnetic pulse. I turned around to tell the kid to go to the office. As I approached him, the kid tossed me another, much smaller device. It had very small screen on it. It must have been shielded from an EM pulse. It showed me, with the EM device tossing it to the kid, and then it going off. It looked like I had set off the device that fried most of the school's electronics!
The End
I can only assume that I had that dream so that, as this coming school year goes by, I can think back, "At least it hasn't been as bad as that dream."
Earlier this week, Delta-Boy, the 5 year old, came up to me and said, "I've been trying to get so mad that I move things with my mind."
Amused, I asked, "Where did you get that idea from?"
"My mind told it to me."
My son's mind is telling him to get into a furious rage so he can Carrie the place. I'd lock my door at night if I thought it would keep the Child of the Damned out of my room. Scary.
Today I was making my lunch when Mrs. Asshole came running into the kitchen, "Come see what Bravo-Boy has done!"
So I trundle down the hall and enter Delta and Bravo Boys' room. "Dada, Bravo-Boy put some poo in the pot! Isn't that wonderful!"
"Is that your poo?...in that pot? Good job, Bravo-Boy!"
I think after four years of potty training and one more baby to potty train, I now know from where the scat fetish comes. You get so used to being excited about poo that the context starts to become meaningless. Eww.
So, my Ass-of-All-Trades thing is continuing. The School owes a kid hours. Technically it was already offered but he never showed up. Now, since the make-up time was outside of standard school hours, no records were kept and The School was told that since we didn't record his absence from these make-up times, we have to offer it again. So starting Monday I'm going in a couple of hours a day. It's funny how all of these extra money making opportunities have arisen the year I didn't get a summer teaching job. It's not as much as I would make in summer school, but I'll take it.
So, our beloved nation turns 231 years old today. Doesn't she look great! She really is a beautiful, proud lady. Coming up on an election year, I can't tell you how much I love this country. What's an election year got to do with it? THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS, BABY! I love elections. I love the political debates. I love that every four years we get to say who we want to run the country. And really, if you consider that some offices have elections at different intervals, we get to help steer this great land more frequently than that, but it's the presidential election that really gets me jazzed.
I think that's something that people tend to forget. No, not that I get pumped up about presidential elections, but that we all get to step up to the ship's wheel and turn the country in the direction we want it to go in. Now, we all get the chance to step up to the wheel, so just because I say, "Arr, me harties, let us turn to starboard," someone else might come up and say, "Ahoy, ye evil genius pirate, I reckon we would be better served goin' to port," and if more people say "port" than agree that we should go starboard, well, we go port. I'm ok with that.
But some people aren't ok with that. Some people don't want to take a turn at the helm because they don't like how the wheel looks. Some don't think it matters if we go port or starboard. Some want to go in other directions but don't think we can. We can go in any direction assuming enough people want to go that way. Some don't even care to take a turn at the wheel. Fair enough. Participate in the navigation of our country to the extent that you are comfortable.
But then there are the complainers. Do they have the right to complain? Sure. But that doesn't mean they have a platform to stand on. Complain when our captain breaks a law, fine. Complain when the majority of us say "head to port" and we're taken to starboard. Fine. But complain when you're not in the majority?
I'm going to stop with the nautical analogy to make sure I'm understood here. I know a lot of people feel the last couple of presidential elections were "stolen". I understand the frustration. I mean, the second election so many people were complaining about the President, how could he win again? But then no one hears the people who are content. No one content shouts to the heavens that something must be done. So maybe what we heard wasn't reality. Maybe the content just outnumbered, barely clearly, the complainers. Or maybe some of the complainers were those who chose not to participate in the Democratic process.
We now return to our nautical metaphor...
But despite my opinion about the rampant complainers, what I love is that they CAN complain. SOme ships, you complain about the captain, you're walking the plank, or keel hauled, or run through. We can say all that we want how the captain is the biggest fucking retarded baboon to ever walk in a suit, and we're suprised that he doesn't slip on his own drool, and that we'd rather jump ship and head to the HRMS Canuck, and not worry that we will be made an example of. We don't have to worry that the captain will help us on our way to the HRMS Canuck by throwing us overboard. Most countries' citizens don't have that kind of security.
I love this old 231 year old ship and feel she's holding together pretty well. She's not perfect, but she's one of the best ships out there. Some think she's on the verge of falling apart, but I have confidence in us, her crew. She'll sail for 231 more years, assuming the oceans last that long.
So, today was my first day working on developing a curriculum for the district. Our focus is on determining what "experiences" every student should have before they finish whatever grade they are in. I chose the 8th grade. Because I am the sole middle school teacher at Alty School, I teach grades 6-8. Apparently sixth grade wasn't present, so I had to pick 7th or 8th. &th grade already had two representatives, while 8th only had one, so I chose to even up the sides. By the time the last teacher straggled in, there were four 7th grade teachers and three 8th grade teachers, counting me. Then, the trouble...
"Mr. Asshole, did you bring your textbook." "Uh, no. I was called just a couple of days ago and wasn't told to bring anything, but I can have it tomorrow."
This continued throughout the day...
"Mr. Asshole, did you get this book?" "What book?" "This very important book?" "Uh, no, never heard of it." Luckily, three of the seven of us had never received the book.
"Mr. Asshole, do you have those?" "Have what?" "The student workbooks that go with the texts?" "Uh, no, but I do have the text books."
"The 8th grade wants to do The Outsiders, is that ok, Mrs. Coordinator? And we'll let the 7th grade keep Watsons Go to Birmingham" "Yes, McSnot, that's fine. Mr. Asshole, you have those don't you?" "Well, I did when I first got the job six years ago, but I think they were left in what passed for a bookroom when I moved to my portable, and I don't know if I have any copies." "Well, we have plenty of used copies that are going to just be thrown away that we could send your way if you don't mind hand-me-downs." "No, Mrs. McSnot, he doesn't need hand-me-downs..." "No, Mrs. Coordinator, I'll happily take hand-me-downs as long as they are readable."
"Hey, the old textbook had this great bit about this! Mrs. Coordinator, can we use something from an old text?" "Sure. Mrs. Snot. Mr. Asshole, do you have a copy of the old text?" "No. I was overwhelmed when I got the new textbooks, because I never had textbooks before." "We'll run copies for you."
Well, I wasn't teaching summer school do to No Child Left Behind and the possibly warped up hiring decision of this year's director. Basically, teachers at the school where I wanted to do summer school got first priority, including teachers newly signed for the next school year. Then teachers who have taught summer school there in the past.
Well, my alternative school, naturally, doesn't have its own summer school program. Any of our guys need to go to summer school; they end up back at their home school. I've been teaching summer school since I started in the school district 7 years ago. I always taught social studies. That came about because I graduated college with a degree in Secondary Education: History and English. So my former principal jumped at the chance to hire me because I would be teaching...history and English. This was back when there were only two teachers in the middle school program.
But Principal Walks-on-Water said that I really only needed to take the Praxis for the English certification, because that would be my primary focus. I just never chose to spend the money to get the history certification. Well, that decision burned me. I had requested an English summer school class...I always requested an English class, but I always got assigned a history class. Fine. But this year, the director asked if I had certification to teach social studies because he already had all the English teachers he needed. When I told him my situation, college degree but no certification, he responded that the previous director must have flown me in under the radar.
Great! I've been a Language Arts refugee in a strange Social Studies land all of these years!
So I found myself with my first summer off since I became a teacher. What's a guy to do...
Well, honestly, between naps I did eat some, and read some, and whatnot.
Then, came the call, "Mr. Asshole, Mr. Dewey from Local Middle School called."
So I rang the man up.
"So, Mr. Asshole, did you find a summer school position at one of the other schools?" "No, sir. To be honest, I didn't really try." "Well, here's the thing. I have a teacher who's going to be out next week and we need a sub. When I found out I thought I'd call you first." "Well, sign me up." "And I think we'll need you the next week for someone else." "Sure, just let me know."
But apparently word had gotten out that I would be sitting on my duff all summer, so I got another call.
"Mr. Asshole, this is Principal Powwow, did you get my message about English?" "No, ma'am, I was just told to give you a call." "Well, I was at a thing and ran into Mrs. Grim, the English Curriculum Coordinator. She was saying how she was meeting with other middle school English teachers next week to create some common experiences for the students to have no matter what school they are at. She wanted to make sure you were aware of it because she said you always participate, you are creative, and open to new ideas." "Ah, she's just buttering me up. But I'll be subbing at summer school next week." "Yeah, well, they will be meeting after summer school lets out, and it's always good for someone from our school to make an appearance. Oh, and they are paying." "Ok, well let me check with Mrs. Asshole."
So, now a summer of nothing has turned quite busy for at least the next week and a half. Three days of subbing next week, and two days the following week. Five days of curriculum development. Plus my nearly every Thursday optional gathering with my coworkers for a discussion led by Mrs. Powwow about how things will run next year.
On Tuesday this week, I went to retake a portion of the National Boards test. This year was my second attempt. I feel pretty good about it, but the problem with the National Boards is that as much as they tell you, they don't really tell you much. I mean, yeah, they tell you how things are scored and what the scores mean, but it's not very pertinent information. It's like, "If you scored a 1, did you do X? Y? Z?" Well, I thought I did...how about you tell me what I screwed up?
I arrived at the testing center with all materials in hand including some reading material, because I was early. The lady signing people in and whatnot asked if she could help me and I told her I was early and what I was there to take. She asked, "Would you like to study some, or are you ready?"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Study! That's funny. Now, I can't comment on other subjects, but the Middle School English stuff, what am I going to study? It's not about learning something, it's about convincing someone else that you know what the hell you are doing, which is going to be a whole other tirade in a moment. I can't say anything about the question at all lest National Board Secret Police come storming into my house and carry me away to conveniently disappear. I will say that it's stuff any English should know. It's not about knowing, it's about expression, expressing that you know in a clear, concise, and convincing manner. Blah fucking blah. I will say that I am not convinced that personal teaching preference doesn't affect how I'm going to get scored, and if someone scores my test response and they just disagree with my style, then that could affect my score.
I had about 30 minutes to compose my response and I had to rush the second portions response to be able to finish with about 10 seconds to spare. I felt good about it, but it depends on for what they are looking.
Now begins my tirade that I mentioned above. I find it amazing how teachers are told and taught about effective teaching and assessing strategies, but those strategies are used on the teachers themselves. I noticed this first in my secondary education classes in college. They'll teach you how to teach to multiple intelligences, and making fair tests, and such...but they do so teaching to one intelligence and giving tests with trick questions. I know it's not all education professors, but it seemed there were a lot of them in the classes I took. The same goes for National Boards. Teachers, how many complaints would you receive if you gave a project or test to your students, gave the students a grade, but never gave any feedback about what was missed or done wrong? That's the National Boards. A score with no feedback.
But I know what it is. They make their money off of people going through the process, and the more times you have to go again, the more money they make.
But then we teachers put up with a lot in the name of our chosen profession. Think about...I went to college for four years (I'm not counting the years a floundered from major to major) at Auburn University (WAR EAGLE!), then moved back to my home state where, in order to get a teaching certificate, I had to pay money to take a test...So, a four year degree isn't enough? Well, fuck me...Then, to keep my teaching certificate, I have to take classes and give presentations and such to earn recertification points in a period of time...So the test wasn't enough either, fuck me sideways...And some say it's to make sure that teachers are well trained, No Child Left Behind and shit, but that doesn't make much sense. I mean, a good teacher doesn't get to work at 8:00 and leave at 4:00, leave school behind on the weekend and holidays and summers...Most teachers take papers and tests home at night and on weekends and holidays. Most teachers work on, revamp, tweak lesson plans at night and on weekends and holidays. But that's not enough, we also have to require teachers to take classes, make presentations, etc. etc. With little pay. Don't give me that, "Well, you have the summer off" junk...No, I don't. I'm planning for next year. I would be taking a class if it hadn't been cancelled. We teachers spend so much time grading, planning, calling, reading, learning for our classrooms, that the actual teaching part seems like just a small responsibility, not the primary concern that it should be. We make it harder for someone to become a teacher, slimming down the teachers available, ask more of the teachers we do have, increasing the chance of burnout, which will lead again to fewer teachers.
I love being a teacher, I do...I just hate how everyone views the teaching profession: either that we should do everything without complaint, or that we don't do anything and don't deserve more.
Ok, it's been exactly four weeks since I blogged last. Let me just recap what's happened leading to the end of the school year in cutsy little categories based on Clint Eastwood's cutsy classic western movie, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The Good: The smallest section of our recap...
I was discussing characterization using portions of Treasure Island. Everyone is told to shut up by an old sea captain, and Lovesy says, "Who you talkin' to?" Ok, that's a paraphrase...anyway, there's a confrontation, threats, and the old sea captain backs down. I included a bit about how you didn't have to like someone to respect him, as the old sea captain clearly respected, at the very least, Lovesy's authority. A student responded, "That's true Mr. Asshole. We don't like you, but we respect you...usually." This is a student with whom I've had several disciplinary encounters and he swore up and down that I didn't like him and asked me several times, "Why are you a teacher if you don't like kids?" THE MONEY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, now that we teachers all had a good laugh...at least there was a compliment in there somewhere...
The Bad: A fairly small section...
I got called an idiot by a student about a week ago. She had gotten written up for some reason I didn't inquire about, and told her to come to my room because it was before school started and I have morning duty. She asked to go get her binder from over where the high school students were awaiting the start of the day, and sticking to my school's policy about high school and middle school students not mixing, I refused but said that I would go get it. Apparently that made me an idiot...and yet at the same time fairly wise because I learned that she got written up because she was sitting on one of the high school boy's lap, and not quite stationary, and when told to disembark and go to where the middle school students are to wait, she got disrespectful with that teacher as well. That was an insult taht kind of hurt because I wasn't asking anything unreasonable and it's a student from whom I would not expect that.
During my administration of the SSFT, State Standardized Fucking Test, the following occurred:
"Today, you will be taking the math portion of the SSFT. Are there any questions..." "Can we use a dictionary?" "It's a test on...math...so, uh, no..."
You know, whoever said that there were no stupid questions, apparently, wasn't asked a lot of questions...
I was told that next year I have to teach in a different portable, so this year before we close shop for the summer. I think my wife feels I should be more upset, but I don't really care except that I have to load all of my shit and move it.
The Ugly: The largest section...
Mrs. Melody Rama has continued having problems with giving me time to get my middle school class to lunch before going to my high school class. In fact, we had one last relapse today...a week ago we were discussing high school finals schedules and there were two options: One option placed my one high school class's "final"...not really a final with a computer class, but anyway...on Monday, a full day on which I could be there; another option put my high school class's "final" on Wednesday, a half day on which I would be busy giving finals to my middle school classes. I stated that the first option was no problem, but if option two gets chosen, I need someone to watch my high school class because I'll be administering a final to some middle school classes. Mrs. Rama said, "That's fine. I can do it." Jump ahead to Wednesday...today. I had just started my middle school final when I get a call over the intercom...
"Mr. Asshole?" "Yes." "We're going to shift some middle school students around because you have a class up here." "No ma'am, Mrs. Rama said she would watch that class." "Well, if we send down our office sub to watch your class near the end of the period, can you come up and talk to your students about grades or whatever?" "Uh, ok, yeah, sure, I guess...(What the hell am I going up to talk about? Your grade is your grade. It's selfpaced computer work...they should know better than I do what their grades are...)"
{five minutes later...no exaggeration}
"Mr. Asshole?" "Yes." "Did you know you have a high school class waiting for you up here?" "Yes, I spoke with Mrs. Principal about it. She said she would send down the office sub assistant woman near the end of class and I'd head up to, uh, do whatever." "Well, could we send her down now so that you can come on up?" "But I'm giving a final right now. I need to...ah...you know what, forget it...that's fine...whatever."
One of my students chimes in: "But, Mr. Asshole, I need to be able to ask you questions..." "Well, apparently They! need me to be somewhere else..."
I head up to my high school class...one student asks me where his folder is..."I don't know, I gave it to you two days ago." "Yeah, and I gave it back." "No, you didn't."
Another pair of students requested going to the gym because they didn't have anything to do...I asked if anyone was watching students in the gym...their answer to me? no...my answer to the students, no...
"Are there any other questions? Do y'all need me for anything?"
I head to the office...I approach Mrs. Principal and she asks, "Had you arranged something?" I recap every minute detail including that I am giving a final RIGHT NOW!
"Well, get what's-her-name the office assistant sub woman in the computer lab, you go administer your test because I know they'll have questions..."
Some of you may be wondering..."How can the principal not know you are giving finals?"
Well, that gets us to Ugly: The Prequel...
The middle school team and I sat down and devised, together, a middle school finals schedule. Our last week of school we have a full day Monday, three half days, and then a studentless Friday. We would have our finals on the first two half days, the third half day would be our make-up day, no attendance necessary if all finals taken. But then...some finals were given on Friday, another final given on Monday, the full day...as I told one of my beloved office ladies, "Yeah, I stuck to the schedule. Guess that makes me an Asshole!" Actually I SAID "a jerk," but I thought, "an Asshole!" So the principal kept forgetting that all of the finals had not been administered because 3 out of 4 teachers disregarded the finals schedule. Well, that was time well spent...
The F'Ugly:
For the record, "F'ugly" is a contraction of "Fuck ugly". I know most would spell it without the apostrophe, but before posting it occurred to me that what most people spell as "fugly" is a contraction and needs an apostrophe...
Anyway...
I debated on whether to classify this as "Ugly" or "F'ugly", but decided it was pretty F'ug'tastic...that's a new word, swirl it around, enjoy it, use it at your next party. There was a end of the year Luau yesterday...just a kind of fun, "we're almost there" end faculty meeting. During the Luau, a power point presentation using theme music from Gilligan's Island was used with new lyrics referrencing the problems that SOME teachers had with the previous principal. It really is hard to offend me. I have a good sense of humor, I don't generally take things personally...but I was offended by this reference. Apparently some people forgot, or more likely didn't give a rat's ass, that not everyone was a part of the insurrection. Poor taste. Bad show.
But the worst...
I had to wrestle a student to the ground a couple of weeks ago. There were several of us actually. It was near the end of the day. In fact, as far as I was concerned, it was. The bus picking up my middle school students had arrived and the majority of my students were on the bus when a call came over the walkie-talkie that assistance was needed in the computer lab. As usual, assuming I have no students to monitor/teach, I shot off...middle school students were already flowing out of the bus...I pointed and said, "GET BACK ON THE BUS OR GET A WRITE-UP!" I saw the students pause when I said that and I have to admit that I don't know if they fully complied, but as far as I know, the middle school students never made it up to conflict central. I got up to the main building and encountered an angry student bursting from the main building door. I looked inside to see if another student was coming from behind in need of interception when I heard from behind me, "Hell no! Fuck this!"
"CLOSE THE DOOR!"
I tried but the student pulled the door from me and he attempted to return to the room from which he was escorted.
"Don't let him in!"
The grappling begins...I got rid of my walkie-talkie, which would assurdly get tossed off and possibly broken...the student is being grabbed, spun away, but he's still free and trying to get to the room. I step between him and the door and roadblock him. We push against each other as another teacher and the SRO try to grab his arms from behind. We pivot, we fall to the ground, he gets handcuffed...I bruised my ass on the fall.
That's the first time that I really wrestled a student. I've grabbed arms attempting to assist the primary restrainer, but I never played a major role...until then. I didn't like it. He was a high school student with whom I had a decent teacher/student relationship. But I'm glad that I know that if I have to, I can stand between a belligerent student and his target....I just don't want to have to be there.
That covers most of the stuff from the past four weeks. I may have forgotten something, but if I get reminded of it, I'll share...until later...
We all know the old saying of Alexander Pope..."A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."
Well, guess who just became the South Carolina Department of Education's Most Wanted! That's right, I'm the asshole!
Now, I've mentioned that I got drafted to cover a high school self-paced computer class. I asked the resident SPCC teacher to train me on the system back when it started and was told, "Can't until you have a class."
HORSESHIT!
I've done computer type training and you make the students the fuck up. But fine, whatever.
Except now I am learning that there were some things which weren't told me, or I missed during the 30 minutes training while my first class was underway...Man, I'm a fucking idiot. Like, while it's a self-paced computer program, some classes have paper, worksheet work. I was told about projects, I wasn't told about worksheets, so I have a couple of students with no grades because they haven't done worksheets I haven't given them because I didn't know or even imagine that there would be sheet work with a computer program. Fuck me, I'm an asshole.
There's also the student who I was told was in multimedia and Mrs. Melody Rama, the regular SPCC teacher whom I have mentioned before, would set up what he needed to do. First day in my class, "Mr. Asshole, what should I be doing?"
"Uh, new student, did someone set anything up?"
"Not that I know of..."
"Ok, well shill for today, I guess it's being worked on."
Next class...
"What should I be doing for multimedia, Mr. Asshole."
"I don't know, let me check. Mrs. Rama, what shout new student be doing?"
Mrs. Rama, "I don't know, all I know is he's taking German for me."
So I contact the powers that be with the same question and I get told, "Multimedia...a powerpoint project."
What the fuck does that mean? I mean, I know what powerpoint is, I use it all the time for class. But what is he supposed to learn in a multimedia class? What standards? So I ask again, "Mrs. Curriculum Coordinator, I was told that Mrs. Rama would set something up for New Student for his multimedia class. What do I need to do?"
Rsponse: Mrs. Rama says to have him do a powerpoint project...
Well, I can do that, I could make something up, but that's about as descriptive as an assignment like, "Write a report about World War II." You know, there is so much abouot World War II that you could get anything. I need to know what he is supposed to be learning in a multimedia class. I need some parameters with which to work. You wouldn't put an English teacher in any grade class and say, "Teach English," and walk away. Cause ANYTHING could be taught. "Powerpoint project?" What the fuck? Is the powerpoint project on multiple media forms and how they are similar and different and which form conveys which information the best? Is the powerpoint project supposed to show the student's use of multiple media forms since it does carry the ability to do multiple medias...
So, tomorrow I do what I always do...cover my ass...I'm not going to go and say, "This person and this person are trying to fuck me over!" I am going to say I am in a predicament. I have a plan. But I'm not going to leave out that had I been told, trained, communicated with, I wouldn't be where I am now. Maybe I should have realized. Looked closer. But forgive me if I spend more time thinking about my proper classes, my middle school English classes, and since I was told things like "self-paced", since all I was told was how to pull up reports with grades without any reference to paperwork grades, since my training didn't even consist of pulling up grading reports but how to create accounts for new students and how and when to use the bypass code, I didn't instinctively know to ask about or look into some of these other things.
Science Fiction, Fantasy or Horror? Oh, horror easily. Science Fiction comes second with Fantasy a far, though still seen, third.
Hardback or Trade paperback or Mass market paperback?Hardback. Trade paperback, in terms of books, I'm not sure I am familiar with. Trades I think of comics, and I love my comics and I love the trades, but I thinking books, not comics. I'm sure it references something that I am aware of but don't realize it, but I love hardback books over all, so it doesn't really matter anyway.
Amazon or Brick and Mortar?As Tense Teacher was a bit confuzzled, so was I...it took me a bit to figure out what was going on...In the end, brick and mortar because I want to hold the book, see what's awaiting me. Amazon, and other online booksellers, makes me wonder if what sounds like a great book...isn't.
Barnes & Noble or Borders?Barnes...I love Barnes
Hitchhiker or Discworld?Hitchhiker...'nuff said!
Bookmark or Dog-ear? I hate to admit it, but dog-ear. I have tried bookmark, but it never sticks. I'm a horrible, horrible reader.
Asimov’s Science Fiction or Fantasy & Science Fiction? Never been a huge Asimov fan, but if I had to pick...Science Fiction...
Alphabetize by author, Alphabetize by title, or Random? In a perfect world, by title. There'd be an order, and yet at the same time a randomness. You could easily find what you wanted, but reading in order you'd most likely get any genre.
Keep, Throw away or Sell? Keep, then give away, never sell (unless something special, but then I'd probably keep), and never throw away.
Keep dust-jacket or Toss it? I'm a keeper, though I'm learning the ways of the dark side.
Read with dustjacket or Remove it? See above.
Short story or Novel? I'm a lover of short stories. I have a short attention span.
Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket? Easy...Harry Potter.
Stop reading when tired or at Chapter breaks? Chapter break. There's at least some degree of resolution.
“It was a dark and stormy night” or “Once upon a time?” "Dark and stormy" easily. "Once upon a time" can be interesting, but not captivating.
Buy or Borrow? I'd rather buy a book I might not like, than to borrow a book I might love.
Buying choice: Book Reviews, Recommendation or Browse? Browse. I'm a better judge of what I would enjoy than any other human.
Lewis or Tolkien? Tolkien...'Nuff Said!
Collection (short stories by the same author) or Anthology (short stories by different authors)? Ooh, tough one. I've probably read more same author anthologies mainly because of King's various short story anthologies, but I prefer, I think, anthologies, because of the different writing styles, yet a connection by some theme...
Tidy ending or Cliffhanger? Neither. I don't want to wait months for the next book. But if an ending is too tidy, then I have little to think about once I put the book down.
Morning reading, Afternoon reading or Nighttime reading? ANy time, though if I had any control of my time, it would be nighttime. I think technically I read more in the morning and afternoon.
Stand alone or Series? For books, stand alone. But as a comic book reader, I can appreciate a series.
New or used? I've never shied from a used book, but I prefer new.
Top 5 favorite genre books of all time?Uh, doesn't any novel fall into a genre...Bag of Bones by Stephen King, Salem's Lot by Stephen King, and any collection of H.P. Lovecraft.
Favorite genre series? The Dark Tower by Stephen King
Currently Reading? Don't Try This at Home by Hunter S. Fulghum. I've learned how to conduct a hostage rescue, tow an iceburg, break into Fort Know, Swim the English Channel, fly through the eye of a hurricane, and salvage part of the Titanic. With this practical knowledge, the world is my oyster!
Alright, that’s it, but you fellow English teacher and book lover types better not let me down… I expect y’all to steal this one and have it filled out soon! Don’t make me start calling you out by name.
Well, I had a meltdown today. I lost my temper with one of my classes and did what I endeavor not to do ever...I yelled. I didn't cuss...I didn't focus on one student...I just lost my temper with the lot of the students at the same time.
My reaction was due to the fact that everyday I discipline them for the same things...every day...same thing...every day...and I couldn't understand why they were still pulling it. With four weeks left, some of them have very little wiggle room before they get booted out for too many write-ups...and they kepp doing the same stuff. One student asked me why I taught there if I didn't like them...
First, from an 5-8 year old, that statement would bring a stunning revelation to me about how my treatment of the students is causing a problem. But from a teenager who should be able to recognize that he intentionally tries to get away with as much stuff as possible, well...not so touching. There was no epiphany this time. I responded that I did like them and if you consider how many times I give a gentle verbal request to correct the bahavior rather than sticking to the letter of the law, then they'd realize that's me trying to help them get to the end of the year because I like them. I cited some specific examples where I said, "I should write you up, but..." I said that I didn't feel that my efforts to help them make it through the year were appreciated because they were unwilling to curb their behavior in the slightest. I said that if I care more about their finishing the year out than they care, then I'll just stop and be the hard nose they already think I am.
I know some will wonder why I don't just stick to the letter of the law, but this group of kids, half of them would be sent to the office before half the class was over. Maybe a couple of days of that would get the message across, but some of these students, I swear I'm not sure it would work. I'm not a "nice teacher". I get on them about EVERYTHING. Which is why I use gentle reminders rather than actual disciplinary steps most of the time.
And part of the problem is that they get away with this stuff in the other classes. Clipboards follow the students from class to class with a record of disciplinary steps and most classes most days have more marks from me than other students. I easily doled out more discipline with this class than any other teacher. And they get away with in at their homeschools. And they get away with it because as far as the parents were concerned, their angels shouldn't get in trouble just for talking in class...He has, after all, some disorder...He's bored...If I was a more entertaining teacher, I would have this problem.
Well, I apologized to every student individually at the end of class, because I do not like losing my temper...I do not like yelling, but I will say that sometimes I need to let them know how I feel, because they spend so much time sharing how they feel, and it's never complimentary. I also informed the principal because I don't want her to get a phonecall, "That Mr. Asshole is yelling at my son!" and she be unaware. I want her to be able to say, "Yes, ma'am. He spoke with me about the incident."
I'm just feeling really frustrated. It's that time of year. Happens every year...the, "Geez, same shit different day, same shit different day, no talking while I'm teaching, keep your hands to yourself, don't throw stuff or you're going to the office, leave him alone, knock it off, you don't like my golf pencils then you should bring your own from home, same shit, different day, same shit, same shit." And I really did want them to understand that I'm not out to get them and they are being unfair if they think that's my goal, but then this has been the year for misunderstanding about this asshole. I spend less time in my room and my coworkers rooms because I'm out spying...not trying to be more accessible to assist when needed. I'm not calling my family or visiting more often because...I don't know why they think...but it's certainly not because I work hard, and I have a farm that needs tending, and children whom I have to consider before I make any plans, and have meetings, and papers to grade, and lesson plans to prepare...God, I'm not just an asshole, I'm a self-centered asshole! I spend all my time trying to understand other people's points of view so that I WON'T assume the worst, and everyone else seems to be doing the opposite to me...Assume the worst, fuckers...cause the way things are going, you might really get it...
NO! Not those kinds of STDs you jerks...geez. You should be thinking, "I know he couldn't have caught a sexually transmitted disease! He must be making a clever play on words."
STDs = Standardized Testing Doldrums
I got drafted by the high school portion of my school to help monitor the standardized test that high school students have to pass in order to receive a diploma. Ugh. They were testing more students this year than ever before and they just didn't have enough people. This test, as with most standardized tests, requires high security and that means one test administrator and one monitor. They took me out of my classroom so that I could watch students taking a test. Ugh.
I stood for at least two hours each day, ambling around the class of no more than eight students, for three days straight. I couldn't sit. I couldn't read. Watch and walk were my requirements.
Now, the original set-up was that a substitute coming in for one of the teachers helping the test coordinator administer the test to a student in the afternoon who needed special accomodations, would come to my room in the morning until the testing for the day was done, and then I'd return to my proper life as a teacher. Nuh-uh. That didn't happen. Apparently one sub became two, and I can only imagine how that transpired. "He CANNOT use MY sub for half a day and it get recorded in MY file." I'm sure something similar was said after the plan was originally hatched. It didn't really matter to me except...
Since we had a substitute who could cover for me the whole day, the parameters of my draft were extended. I became an educational free-agent/ass-of-all-trades. I was to be wherever I was needed. I got called down to my portable to calm my class who decided that ELA meant Energetic Lobbing Academy...Unfortunately, my sub had no control of my class on her last day in my room and they decided to hurl pencils about. If I taught science they could have argued they were demonstrating projectile dynamics or creating a three-diminsional live display of a meteor shower. In an English/Language Arts class, it's just throwing junk. I become the high school gym substitute. High school gym at my school seems to be where one can go and see into the Eighth Ring of Hell. Actually, that holds equally true for middle school gym. I sat in on a couple of classes while a teacher was running a bit behind.
I didn't mind, technically. I mean, I've always felt my job isn't just to teach in my classroom. My job is to do whatever needs to be done to ensure the smooth running of the school overall. But I was bored out of my mind for three days and I lost three days of education in my classroom. I remember when I first started...If someone said, "Hey, can we come in during your classtime and do this program?" or "Look, there's this thing I want you to go to, so we'll put a sub in your room," I would jump at the opportunity. "YES! PLEASE! TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF ME!" I couldn't understand my partner (there were only two of us then) who would refuse pretty much every intrusion. Now I understand. I want to be in my room. I don't want to show movies anymore. I want to teach. I have stuff I need to impart.
Clearly that doesn't mean I say "no," though. I just don't feel relief anymore.
One of the reasons it was a bad three days was possibly my imagination. I got the feeling that my middle school team resented me being in the high school. It may be my imagination stemming from earlier in the year when I was considered a spy by my team, but I think they thought I was getting a sweet deal. Well, uh, fuck no. It was horrible. I was a watch dog. I watched. Ugh. Give me lesson plans and unruly students any day over a standardized testing day.
But at least I think my STDs are clearing up. I've been told to expect a relapse, however, as the 6 days of standardized tests are set to arrive in my middle school next week. Ugh.
We had a scheduling conflict...Mrs. Spooky was asked where a new seventh grader should be placed and she responded, in her infinite wisdom, in the sixth grade class. "We're just balancing numbers at this point," she proclaims. She also says that the seventh grade class already has some sixth graders because it doesn't really matter.
So I check...The seventh grade class has eight students and the sixth grade class has five or six...Now, the maximum number of students our middle school program should have is 48...on average 12 per class. I taught more than 30 back when there was only two classes, so forgive me if I don't see an eight student class turning into a nine student class as much of an issue. As I told Mrs. Placeholder, who is now offficially our principal for the remainder of the year, if we hit twelve in a class, then we can discuss balancing numbers, but not at 66% of capacity.
Also, the claim that the seventh grade class has sixth graders in it was a bit erroneus. The plural sixth graders is actually singular...one sixth grader...and he's older than some of our seventh graders. For right or wrong, one of the things our school does is it gives students the opportunity to get back in their proper grade. We're supposed to help him get back on track.
I didn't win too many fans when I questioned that placement.
But the big winner was when I asked about doing something about students coming to my class to use the bathroom. See, we expanded to four teachers mid-year a couple of years ago and the district scrambled to get two more portables. Well, I don't know if it was just what was available or what the district was willing to pay for, but the two new portables didn't come with bathrooms, which has been a continuing problem. It shouldn't be, but it has been. See, we can't, apparently, deny a student access to a bathroom if he or she asks. The available bathrooms include the gym bathroom, where either there are high school PE classes going or no one there at all; the office bathroom, where students disrupt the office staff and students in trouble sit in eager anticipation for their prescribed discipline; there is a general High School bathroom, but then you have Middle School students wandering the High School halls...We try to minimalize contact between the Middle and High School students.
So, for the two classes, the bathroom is a bit of a problem. We were discussing the possibility of implementing a level system in the Middle School tying certain, small uniform options to behavior. While discussing privledges to be used I asked if we could tie bathroom use in the last two portables to the levels. I said, "Can we make it a part of the level system that if you are on the lowest level you can't get a bathroom pass from Mr. Loafer's and Mr. Bearing's rooms? I mean, Student X comes to my class the same time every day, exactly 30 minutes after gym class."
Well, Mr. Loafer was OUTRAGED! He told me later that day, "Mr. Asshole, I'd appreciate it, if you have a problem with my students, that you tell me rather than bring it up in front of Mrs. Placeholder."
Well, clearly he felt I was singling him out despite also mentioning Mr. Bearing. And it's not Mr. Loafer that I have a problem with...It's the policy that if a student says "bathroom", we have to comply. I was looking for other possible solutions, and no one seems to like my porta-potty idea.
Well, we'll see what fun this week will bring. I can't hardly wait...
It took me a couple of days to get comfortable enough to BE a teacher...not a substitute. That's how I felt at first. A substitute. I was in someone else's classroom "teaching" a class with which I am not THAT familiar. But I'm in full gear now. Not to say every so often a situation occurs where I'm not exactly sure how to proceed...but I usually figure it out.
It's been a learning experience for the students as well. I mean, hopefully they are learning from their computer lessons, although I question how much they all pay attention to what it's telling them. No, they're learning how to exist under Asshole Rule. They've had to learn that you don't leave me classroom for just any reason, which apparently is a new experience for them.
"Mr. Asshole, can I go use the bathroom?" "No, class just started and you just left lunch where you had free access to a bathroom, plus the five minutes between the bell declaring the end of lunch and the bell declaring you tardy for class."
"Mr. Asshole, I have a headache. Can I go to the office?" "No, you have no aspirin in the healthroom and they can't do anything for you. Just sit there."
"Mr. Asshole, can I...?" "No."
"No" is my favorite word. I use it ALL the time. Apparently, many of my peers at the school in both the middle and high school aren't as big of fans of that particular term. Pity for them.
My first write-up, where I really felt myself getting into my groove, occurred because a student was resting his head on his hand...with his middle finger sticking up in my direction. Now, he claims he ALWAYS sits like that except...one, this wasn't the first or second day of class...this was day 6 or 7 and this was the first time I've seen him sit like that. Also, try and sit like that...right now...sit like that with all of your fingers but your middle finger are curled under your chin, and the middle sticking up on your jaw...It's NOT comfortable. This was their lesson that everything is under my scrutiny in my classroom.
But the real fun occurred this week. On Tuesday, the lady usually in charge of that subject, but not in charge of that particular class, radioed for someone to come watch the class. I got on the radio and stated that I was taking my middle school class to lunch (as always) and I'd be there shortly. Well, that, it turns out, was an initial volley and the real assault occurred today. Well, it started last week while I was out, but that will be explained as the story unfolds.
Today I get to my high school computer class without a radio incident, but when I arrived in class, I found Mrs. Placeholder watching the class. Mrs. Placeholder is a high school teacher who acts as principal when the principal isn't there because she has an administrative degree. She's a good teacher and does a good job. When I entered she asked if there was a way I could have another middle school teacher can take my class a few minutes before lunch. Well, she didn't have to explain why. Apparently, Mrs. Melody Rama (Melo D Rama - Melodrama) has decided that she was no longer going to watch my computer class for the 5 minutes it takes me to get my middle school class to lunch and get to the high school computer class.
Now, let me make sure you understand this...I take my middle school class to lunch, go straight to the high school computer class without using the restroom, without getting a beverage, without ANYTHING! There I monitor class for an hour and a half until class ends when I then get 20 minutes to eat lunch, use the bathroom, etc. before my last middle school class begins. Mrs. Melody Rama, on the other hand, just had her 45 minute lunch break and is about to get an hour and a half planning period and she can't watch my class for five fucking minutes? I get 20 minutes on these days and she can't help me with five minutes in her 2 hours and 15 minutes?
So then I'm in charge. A student comes in a touch late and she heads to a computer to which she has not been assigned. I say my favorite word..."No". There's some debate about it mainly about how Mrs. Melody Rama changed her computer assignment.
"Well, I'll speak with Mrs. Rama about this, but it's my class, I want you there. You can either sit at the computer I assign to you or you can receive a discipline referral and go to the office."
Well, off the student stomps to the office.
But forget the student...Mrs. Melody Rama changed my computer assignments while I was out due to the birth of my newest son, Yankee Boy? Favorite word..."No".
Another student said, "Mr. Asshole, I don't mean to butt in, but that is Mrs. Rama's handwriting on the board saying the other student was assigned that computer by Mrs. Rama."
"Yes, but it's my class. It's not Mrs. Rama's class. I decide who sits at which computer in my class."
As the Phantom said in the Broadway play, "So, it is to be war between us!"
I've been avoiding the "It's not Mrs. Rama's class" line...No longer, as you see I used it this very day. Also, when I talk with my middle school team about someone taking my class five minutes before lunch, I will say, "Apparently, Mrs. Rama is no longer willing to watch the computer class for five minutes while I take my class to lunch, so I've been asked to get one of you to take the class five minutes before lunch so that I can get to my computer class."
I will name names...The other middle school team member are cohorts with Mrs. Rama. I am not being burdened by this sudden unwillingness to assist...they, her friends, will be burdened. The principal who asked me to take this class rather than asking for her to take the class will not be burdened...her friends will be burdened.
Ah, split infinitives...I hope you'll pardon my split infinitive, but tomorrow, it seems, will start something new for me as a teacher at the Dramatic School for Drama Queens, Kings, and Teachers. Tomorrow I will boldly stick my toe into the swirling, tumultuous waters of the high school portion of my little school.
I started off with a toe in the high school by teaching 11th grade language arts, but I quickly became strictly middle school with nary a regret. But Principal Caesar, with dagger riddled office, has called upon me to assist the high school. They need another class of NovaNet and I've been asked to launch it. Tomorrow, it was quickly decided, would be the first day. This all happened rather quickly. It was asked of me on Friday. We'll see how it goes tomorrow, when I boldy go into the high school.
I'm sure my coworkers will be aflutter with conspiracy and complaint. It's already started. When I told the middle school team that there would be required a slight alteration to schedule, plaitive cries of, "But the middle school has its own problems!" I'm sure some of my high school coworkers will see this as Principal Caesar slipping me into the trenches to better spy on them.
See, some of my fellow teachers have complained about Principal Caesar, and apparently have been doing some scheming and conniving. I assume that because I know some have considered me a spy this year, and why fear a spy lest you have something you wish to remain unknown. It's not been a fun eayr and we've still half to go.
So, I've got my secret decoder ring and minicamera ready for tomorrow...to boldly go...into the lion's den.
I know, mixed analogy AND split infinitive...sad innit?
So, explain to me the appeal of modern children’s films. Well, to help you explain, let me tell you what my problem is.
If you look at the evolution of children’s films, you can see how the filmmakers view their audience. Back when Disney was making a big impression with animated movies like Dumbo, the movies were dark and serious. Certainly there were bits of humor and levity, but as in Dumbo, Disney didn’t half-ass his depiction of Dumbo’s isolation and ridicule. He didn’t couch it in lightheartedness. It was dark and serious because the story of Dumbo was dark and serious. The villains of Disney’s first films were to be feared. The witch queen of Snow White, Maleficent in Sleeping Beauty, even Cinderella’s stepmother are all scary characters.
Then things take a lighter turn. Prince John in Robin Hood is a thumb-sucking lion, Edgar the Butler in The Aristocats is a goofy looking character, and Ratigan of The Great Mouse Detective, though voiced by Vincent Price, is a silly rat who sings and hates being called a rat. But despite turning away from human characters to animals, making it more difficult to empathize, and making the villains less frightening, the themes were still serious. We were still able to feel sorry for the animals oppressed under Prince John and feel the fear and uncertainty of being stolen from your home and being lost, or having your father disappear and not knowing what to do because you’re a young child.
But things get lighter still. Simba seeing his father die in what he believes is an accident which is his fault is very traumatic and emotional, and Scar is a scary villain, but most of the film focuses on the comedy, even with the villains. Jafar in Aladdin is scary, at the end, but again, the villains are becoming even more comedic and there’s not much real emotional turmoil. The same goes for Ursula. She’s pretty menacing at the end, but most of the film, she’s a bit silly. And the emotional pull of the stories aren’t there. Ok, well, Lion King’s fight against Scar is compelling, but Aladdin? A love story? Same with The Little Mermaid…Love stories…for children? But fine, we bumble through some misadventures, then the shit hits the fan, we get concerned…
But Shrek? Madagascar? The Wild? Lord Farquaad is foolish! Madagascar doesn’t even have a villain, and The Wild’s wildebeests are hard to see as villains against even a zoo born lion. And the conflicts aren’t compelling. The characters aren’t sympathetic. Shrek isn’t a hero, he just wants to be left alone. The Madagascar animals are just looking for greener grass which they won’t find on the other side, and from The Wild, Ryan’s just an obnoxious kid and Samson’s a father repeating the same mistakes his father made with him and pushing his son away while at it.
But it’s not even just the villains…it’s the writing. The earlier films discussed had tight plots, everything ties together. They flow. But some of these modern children’s flicks, which everyone seems to love, remind me of when I used to watch Saturday Night Live. It’s the same group of people, but putting them in different scenes, different skits, with barely any connection. They aren’t cohesive stories. That, I suspect, has something to do with the atrocious attention spans our society likes to blame on just being young when really it’s a modern problem whose solutions (less TV, less video games, less computer, more reading) no one wants to accept.
It’s not that I expect all children’s films to be good, but I can’t understand why everyone speaks so highly about Shrek, or Madagascar, or The Wild. Course, I don’t know why Napoleon Dynamite is considered a great comedy. Or Ron Burgundy.
For the record, there are some recent children’s films I did enjoy. Pretty much anything from Pixar, though Cars was kind of weak. Ice Age, Over the Hedge, Chicken Little. I don’t think we should go back to the dark movies of Disney’s beginning, but the careful writing and plotting. That’s what I want my children to watch.
What's Really Embarrassing About American Politics
Today's newspapers carried the final vote counts from the November 7th election, and it was kind of disheartening. I don't mind being out-voted, except the election system is poorly set up...
Ok, before I go any further, let me say this...I love the United States and even when the government and heads-of-state seem to be doing a crap job (and I'm thinking Clinton here...), I still love this country. You'll never hear me say "FUCK IT! I'm moving to Canada!"
And I'm not a Dubya hater. I can't say he's been doing a great job, but I also don't think he's an embarrassment to the country.
And I'm not a party man...I don't vote only Republican, though they tend to get my votes, and I don't refuse to vote Democrats, though I don't frequently vote for Dems, and I don't consider voting for a third-party candidate to be a waste and have voted third-party before.
Which is where my problem with the election system that I see comes in. See, I voted for more Democrats this year than any previous year. It's not because of disgruntlement with the Iraqi War or gas prices or anything like that...it's because when I sat down and read what the prominent issues were for my state and what the candidates said about these issues, I liked a lot of the Dems' responses. Rarely does that happen, and I have to take some things with which I don't agree, but for the key issues the Democrats seemed to have more of the better answers...this time.
And only one Dem won...
...
...
Well, it's South Carolina...I love this state, but with it comes some baggage...namely traditionally Republican electees.
So my question is...do South Carolinians vote for Republicans because they really agree with what the Republicans are saying every single time and are always happy with the results every single time...or is it something "Pa always said...vote Republican..."
and that concern is where my election reform comes in. It's to easy to go in, vote straight party without looking at all at whom you are electing. So toss that function out...that's phase one. Did I tell you there are 3 phases to my election reform? Sorry...There are 3 phases for my election reform proposal.
Phase one...No more straight party option: Sure people can still go through and pick all Republicans or all Democrats...but it's not as easy and some people, forced with actually picking a name rather than a party may do a little more research.
Phase two...Platform and positions on key issues provided in the voting booth: By removing the straight party option, hopefully people will realize they are voting for people, not parties...now make it easy for them to decide by providing the key information one where the candidates stand on key issues. Also make sure you include all Independents. You should still encourage people to follow debates and listen to speeches...but some platform cliff notes can help and can easily be done. After all, a similar thing is done with laws and amendments up for a vote. But people can still go through picking only D's or R's without reading the cliff notes, which brings us to...
Phase three...remove party designation from the ballot: Now you can't just blindly pick Dems or Pubs. Well, ok, you can if you memorize your party's candidates' names...But hopefully people will be looking more at names...people...rather than parties. I'm not talking about a total removal of political parties in American politics...just this one place...the ballot. It'll help even the playing field for third parties who don't get as much news. I mean, there were like eight different candidates for the Superintendent of Education position and the only two discussed were the Pub and Dem candidates...not the Green or Libertarian or any of the other party candidates.
I wonder if someone has the statistics on straight party votes. I'm sure it's out there somewhere...and I'm sure it's embarrassing...more embarrassing than Dubya with a pretzel stuck down his craw.
News from the Frontline: The Case of the Disappearing Teacher
This is Mr. Asshole reporting from the front lines of the Battle of Education. Today, I'm sorry to report, we have reports of teachers diosappearing. As teachers go about their daily assignments, wrangling students from Concentration Portable to Concentration Portable, teachers seem to be randomly disappearing.
These are accounts which I personally witnissed...
Everyday after the morning hike, your faithful news reporter...ok, not so faithful since it's been a long time since I reported...but your...intrepid...yes...intrepid news reporter takes the daily head count and any reports or papers which need to be delivered to HQ...At the usual time, however, one teacher from my crack squad disappeared in a flash along with the head count and a discipline report on one rowdy inmate. I sought out the missing teacher and the reports, but immediately after retrieving the head count, she disappeared yet again with the discipline report. Of note is that during her disappearance, the students she was meant to guard were unattended. I have no students to attend to at that time.
In a similar incident, a teacher, many suspect the same teacher, disappeared from watching the lunch isolation tank in search of a wayward inmate. I, your intrepid reporter, whose assignment sheet placed me on lunch guard, was about to head for the mess hall before realizing my grub was in the officers lounge. No sooner had I said that I needed to retrieve it than the teacher, again early reports suggest the same teacher, disappeared leaving the lunch isolation tank without guard. I had to delay reporting in to mess hall guard until I was relieved by the isolation tank guard.
Rumors abound, from this disappearing teacher being a phantom of a teacher long since dead to an Iraqi spy disguised as an American teacher. As the victim of these disappearings, though...I have to wonder about a set-up.
Ok, seriously...She left me in a lurch twice...when it only made since that I go...I had no class in the first story, which is why I always take the attendence sheet...I had lunch duty in the second, which is why it made more sense for me to go even if everyone had to wait a minute and a half to get my fucking lunch box...She left students unattended twice...she pretty much ran past me twice to go where it only made sense for me to go...
Most everyday I have something to Blog about...but then I get home, and I visit with my children, and I visit with my wife, and I visit and feed my goats and the rest of the menagerie, then it's time to eat, then it's time go to bed...then a new day, with new Blog worthy material. So, no more visiting with the children...
just kidding
Ok, here's what I remember from this past week...
Most of the time, when you have to write up a discipline referral for a student's misbehavior, it's typically nothing exciting...general class disruption, talking to much, yada yada...but sometimes, you have a gem. A student in my class got written up for "simulating masturbation". Someone asked if he was distracting the class...HE WAS DISTRACTING ME!!! It's very disturbing to look up and see a student pretending that he's going on a field trip with his special little friend. Of course, it wasn't of a sexual nature...it's the same thing that people do when they're signing "jerk off". Course, I had to explain too often what I meant by "simulate". Oddly enough...it happened twice...different students. Apparently, I'm an exciting English teacher.
And yes, drama continues...Big Kahuna will be out most of this coming week for some conference and he put another teacher in charge as his "substitute". Now, she has an administrative degree...but now the theory is she's being groomed to take over. Uhhh...I haven't taught that long, but I know enough to realize it doesn't work that way.
Oh, and the Big Kahuna is tossing write-ups. So the theories go. So I said, "Ask him about it."
"What?"
"Just take the write-up and ask him if it got filed."
See, the students are getting consequences, but the theory is that he's not having them put in the students' files, which is significant since the students can only have a certain amount of write-ups. But Teacher X in question can't ask him because, "I'm getting the brush off."
...
Yeah, because he's busy, he's brushing you off. He's even invited this teacher to see him if there was a problem, but because when this teacher went, he wasn't readily available, he's brushing Teacher X off.
On an unrelated topic, we had to call DSS on behalf of a student. It was a bad situation...no power, no water, the father abusing the animals. Our SRO believed the mom was on meth. The student is living with other relatives, and hopefully will stay there.
Well, those are the highlights...oh, except one I almost forgot...I got things moving in the direction of getting help for a student who is proving to be very low. The student almost never completes work on time, and even when I give the opportunity to finish it at home, the work comes back completed, but clearly showing a lack of understanding for what a question asks. I saw the student's standardized test scores and they were low low. I've never seen them this low...not that I remember. And the student has gotten into 7th grade without someone seeing about a learning disability. And this kind of things happens every year. I get a 6th, 7th, 8th grade student who needs help...and no one has done anything. Unbelievable.
Ok, so those are the highlights. I'll try and get on more regularly...but I always say that...*sigh*
I was asked today, "What if [the principal] doesn't deal with the discipline referral I sent up? I've already called the parent and he did it with Gary's write-up."
Mr. Asshole: "Well, with the Gary thing you know..."
Mrs. Nervous Nelly: "I know, but that's not the only time..."
Let me pause the broadcast for some commentary...Mr. Principal ditched Gary's second write-up from Mrs. Nelly because he realized he shouldn't have sent him back to her class that day. He wasn't think, made a mistake, and didn't want to punish the boy for his mistake...
Let's carry on...
Mrs. Nelly: "...I wrote up that girl (I don't remember who she said) and I called her mom, but he never did anything and she asked about it."
Let's pause again...I have no idea what she's talking about. I know that if she told me last year when it apparently happened, I would have told her exactly what I told her today. Also, I remember last year he would have stacks of write-ups on his desk waiting to be dealt with, but it being his first year...as a prinicipal, not at the school...had to learn to negotiate his time and responsibilities.
Let's carry on...
Mr. Asshole: "Well, then ask Mr. Principal what happened."
What I would have told her last year. Simple advice to all teachers...your principal does something questionable or doesn't do something you think he or she should...talk to him first. No satisfaction, think he or she is still wrong, go elsewhere...but I learned from my Mr. Principal that most of the time, even if I don't agree, there's still a reasonable explanation.
Now, ladies and gentlemen...the fun doesn't stop there...Then we had to talk about the duty schedule.
Our duty schedule got reworked because Mr. Principal forgot to include lunch duty. There are four duties and there are four middle school teachers...one duty a day. Morning duty, stand outside with the students. Lunch duty, sit in the gym, where we eat lunch, and watch the students. Lunch detention, when we have students with lunch detention, sit in a room and make sure the thought of fun never crosses their minds. Afternoon duty, um...well, there really isn't an afternoon duty. We keep the students in our portables until the buses show. I think he put it there for political reasons or possibly if there's a need for something in the afternoon. Original complaints were that we don't have a day's break. One, the duties aren't difficult and save for the lunch ones, not time consuming. The PE teacher isn't on the duty rotation...except she's a part time teacher who doesn't get there until after school starts, leaves before school ends, and has lunch duty everyday...so she doesn't get a break either. And if you have afternoon duty, or no students have lunch detention, like we haven't had yet, then we get breaks.
Today's complaint...the high school has eight teachers and four duties, so they get breaks and we don't...Ok, didn't I already explain that we do have breaks, kind of, unofficially. And can we blame Mr. Principal that the school has twice as many high school teachers as there are middle school teachers? The high school teachers also have more students and more classes to prepare for. They have an A/B schedule to keep track of and we do the same schedule every day. I don't see a valid complaint here.
But I slipped. The schedule is designed for the middle school students to get to school before the high school students so they should be in class when the high schoolers arrive...and they are scheduled to leave earlier so they are gone by the time the high schoolers leave...except the middle school buses are ALWAYS late...so, it's not working out that way. I made a comment that between the student who do arrive before the high school day begins and the fact that the buses aren't here yet while the high schoolers are driving home, we spend more time with the students...it's an inequitable amount of time compared to the high school teachers. Inequitable. A neutral adjective. Not a complaint.
But man, it's something..."Didn't you say we spend an inequitable amount of..."
YES! Geez, I did...but I also said that it's the transportation department's foul up and has NOTHING to do with Mr. Principal. As long as he calls them regularly to tell them we really need the buses here on time...we have no complaints for Mr. Principal.
Ok, I haven't been keeping up with my blogging and every couple of days or so, something happens and I think, "I's gottsta blog 'bout dis", because apparently my internal monologue is voiced by Seth Green in his role from Can't Hardly Wait...If you're not positive...that's Seth on the far left with the goggles.
As Seth's character Kenny would say...Anywizzay...On, with the blog...
Unfortunately, going back to work has interfered with my groove...not that I had much groove...but I'm going to blame work anyway.
Ok, so some of the stuff I wanted to blog about includes...
I must be Marlin Perkins, because I live in the Wild Kingdom. See, not only do I have metamorphing beasts who rum up and down the hall saying they are sharks, or dinosaurs, or Nightcrawlers (the superhero from the X-Men, not the worms), or everything in the ocean...True story, Delta-Boy ran into the room one day and said, quite proudly, "I'm everything in the ocean!" He continues to do that every so often. And Sierra-Girl is ALWAYS Catball, which is a reference to the Newton in a Bottle video with a computer cat that turns into a ball. Not only do I have those 4 random animals running about, but I have toy animals EVERYWHERE...and some very realistic rubber animals that lurk in the shadowy hall and creep into your peripheral vision just enough so that you go, "AHH! It's a beetle!" or "AHH! It's a snake!" or "AHH! It's a tyranosaurus. Do I stand still and hope he sees by movement like they said in Jurassic Park? But I heard that that wouldn't have been true, so do I need to book down the hall and hope for the best?" But then you realize it is not in fact a real tyranosaurus, but a little toy...heh.
Another blog that didn't get blogged was that I discovered what true flattery is...I was sitting in my chair, much like I am now, cruising the internet highways and byways and NOT looking at porn (hey, honey). Sierra-Girl was sitting on The Landing leading into the family room playing with a phone and I heard her saying, "Hey Dada...bye....Hey Dada...bye..." and every so often, "Hey Dada...uh uhn uh uhnn uh...bye." That's flattery. I mean, a child calling you when you're playing phones is one thing...but your 2 year old daughter calling you over and over when you're not playing...that's flattery.
ANd finally, what I was going to blog about today, once it happened...OPEN WOUND MONDAY!
That's right, folks...today was special because today I got myself a gaping wound! AND, the best part...I'm going to share!
Ooh-eee, will you look at that! Now, that's the best open wound I've had since that 200 lbs. ram tried to wrap my hand around a tree.
How did this gem occur? Our goats eat from a round bail of hay, and we wrap a "Hay Ring" around the hay. The Hay Ring is some sort of stock panelling cut long, with a little extra tied at the end for flexibility and insurance that it will go around the whole hay bail. Well, we rolled a new bail in recently and it needed the ring, lest goats start dancing on it and ruining it, so I moved it today. Well, last time I moved the ring, I got shocked because it hit the electric fence, so this time, I endeavored to control more carefully the progress of the ring, a fairly unwieldy and cumbersome item when stretched and unrung. Well, as I tried to carefully avoid the electric fence, I lost control. It wobbled and jiggled and fell on its side, which jerked the end I was holding up out of my hand and then trust it back down across my knee. Now, some people may say I should do the chores in jeans, but if I start to do that, what kind of wounds would I have to show you then? Yeah, nothing special...So until it turns cold, I stick with no jeans chores...for you.
Ok, today was the first day back to work. No students, just teachers, staff, getting ready...having meetings, learning how to break fingers, fun stuff.
Last year was drama central, so while I've set my mind to being optimistic and trying to lead the wayward souls of my coworkers to a more pleasant and successful year. But it's been hard to forget some of the shenanigans from last year...but damn it, I'm going to do everything I can to prevent last year from happening again.
Today's endeavor? Getting everyone to lunch together. We were breaking for our lunch hour and I loudly said, "Hey, why don't we ALL eat together?" Idea fairly well received. Over half of the group decided to go along. SUCCESS!
But wait...Is there a chink in the plan? Well, I was in the first load to arrive at the restaurant. Someone asked, "So, do we go on in?"
I say, "No, we need to wait because I don't know how many are in the second group."
Then, my archenemy rears his ugly head...Now, before I go on, my archenemy here is not a specific person, it's a mentality...It's the unwillingness to accommodate...My archenemy said, "No, let's go on and get a table."
I stayed outside while they went in. I waited for my other coworkers while the others were sitting down. They took the first booth available. Seats 4. We were 4 in the first load...No room at all for the others. Well, thank you team player.
I apologized to the second group, posited a couple of less than perfect solutions (eating outside in the 95 degree heat), and it was decided to just eat separately. Well, fuck.
But then a light...the tables next to us open up. Two tables next to each other. I scramble up, go and say, "Hey, these two tables opened up, want us to pull one of those tables to us and sit as a group?"
"Sure."
So I go and start moving one of the tables. A waiter comes up and says, "Sir, we can't have a table here."
Archenemy (from the same guy too), "No, Asshole, you can't do that."
Well, how bout you fucking help me come up with a way to get us together as a group like was originally planned but which you ruined by being impatient and non-accommodating, buddy.
Luckily, someone in group 2 knew, realized, figured out what I was trying to do and said, "Well, why don't we all just move to the paired tables you were getting that one from."
HALLELUIA!
Damn it...I'm trying to get us to be a team and cutting the stragglers to fend for themselves IS NOT ACTING LIKE A TEAM!!! Fucking jerk.
The day on the whole went well save for that little incident. I'm a lot more authentically optimistic about this year than I was before today when I had to try to be optimistic. Still, clearly, there are some issues we need to overcome.
And the comment about learning how to break fingers is kind of real. Technically it was a simple selfdefense course and a lot of the stuff we were shown we were also told not to use except for life and death situations, so we wouldn't want to use them in most student situations. But I know, basically, how to grab a gun out of someone's hand while breaking or at least dislocating his finger. So, that's cool. When I snap and need to go all Rambo on people, I'll have the skills now. I should be getting my school district issued license to kill by the first day of school with students.
Zebra-Girl and the Case of the Disappearing Fingernails
So, every so often my wife reminds me that I have nails, both on my fingers AND toes, and that while my goal of becoming a human velociraptor may be noble, it makes living and sleeping with me hazzardous for her, so she makes me clip them.
The other day was fingernail day. I was sitting on the couch clipping dutifully my fingernails to non-disemboweling length, when little Zebra-Girl came walking up all inquisitive:
"What...what...what you doing?"
"I'm clipping my fingernails, baby girl."
"Clip my...my...my fingernails."
"No, baby girl, you don't need your nails clipped, and when you do you'll want momma to do it because she's less likely to clip a while finger off."
At this point she just stands and watched.
*clip*
*clip*
*clip*
"Zebra-Girl...What happened to my pile of nails?"
"... ... ..."
"Get on out of hear...we don't need a mine field of dadda nail clippings on the floor."
Zebra-Girl walks away...Oddly not upset. Thrifty Momma looked as Zebra-Girl left the room.
"Asshole, I think she has your fingernails with her."
"Zebra-Girl...Bring me back my fingernails."
Sure enough, she had nearly pulled off the perfect crime and walked off, per my own instruction, with my fingernails.
Now...what was my darling three-year-old daughter going to do with my fingernail clippings?
Clean the Family Room, brush teeth, Dad (me) puts the youngers, Sierra-Girl and Bravo-Boy in bed and read a book, proceed to Delta-Boy and Zebra-Girl's room to read two books, put up baby gate to prevent bad toddlers from toddling near and far when they should be sleeping, alert Moogie that the two olds are ready to be tucked in, because apparently Asshole Dad is an inferior tucker inner, and Moogie goes to tuck in the untucked with her supernatural tucking abilities.
Delta-Boy has started asking if I'm going to tell Momma that they are ready to be tucked. All of a sudden there's trust issues. All of a sudden I'm the Absent-Minded Father.
Fair enough...
But Delta-Boy, age 4, took it to a new level last night...
"You better tell momma that her babies are ready to be tucked in, or I'm going to cut you..."
Has my boy been reading The Outsiders? Does he want to rumble?
Actually, the line came from McDonald's...That's right...Micky Dees...Micky's apparently arming the newest generation, in cooperation with Disney, with Pirates of the Carribean swords to take out the oppressive parental regime! Right now, they're looking for excuses...but soon there will be enough children armed that they won't need an excuse, they'll start skewing parents just for being parents.
So, yesterday, I have to go get VHS copies of all of the Star Trek films from this guy who lives a ways away. I've been there before, I've met the guy before. No big deal. In fact, this looks like it will be a better trip than last time because this time his steps have rails to hold onto.
Now, before I continue...about this guy. He's a big guy. Not abnormally tall, though taller than I am, but...rotund. Of ample girthitude. Now, when I first met him, that wasn't a problem. It was a physical description I noted in case the police ever had to question me about him, but otherwise, no biggie...Well, I mean, he was biggie, but it wasn't a big deal. This time, however, the amount of square miles his skin could cover if peeled from his body and laid flat was an issue. Why? He answered his door...without...a...shirt...on. Ugh. So, I'm buying these Star Trek movies from a tall, spherical guy and it occurs to me..."I'm buying movies from the Staypuffed Marshmallow Man..."
Then, this morning, I was getting the bad babies up for breakfast. I went in to get Sierra-Girl and Bravo-Boy up and caught Bravo-Boy staring in his mirror. He briefly looked back over his shoulder to see what was up, and went back to looking at himself in the mirror clearly thinking, "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"
If you don't recognize the line, it's spoken by the wonderful, dead sexy John Cusack in the absolutely fabulous movie, Grosse Pointe Blank.
Have I told you much about Bravo-Boy, the Grosse Pointe Baby? Well, gross is an understatement. Grosse Pointe Baby tried to shove 4 pieces of sausage biscuit into his maw! I know how many cause I saw them come OUT! He's done this his entire life...and then I wonder why he spends all day pooing.
On an unrelated note, today's the last day of Summer School...YAY!
Also, User Friendly is a funny online comic strip, and the User Friendly people also put up a "Link of the Day". Today, July 20th, my Evil Genius Party page earned Link of the Day! Thanks User Friendly!!!
Today we have News Rant Sunday. Sometimes I have to rant about the news. Now, in the past two days, I have seen some inordinately rant-worthy stories. Some you may agree with me on, some you may not. My blog, my opinions...
The first item I saw in yesterday's paper is the story of the mother who smothers her 4-month-old child while nursing. Now, let's make sure you have all the details: mother, intoxicated, nurses child...strike 1. You nurse a baby while you are drunk, you are giving the kid alcoholic milk. I'm pretty sure a 4-month-old is under the legal age limit. Now, she's not just intoxicated, she's so fucking smashed that she passes the fuck out! So, "intoxicated" is putting it mildly....Strike 2. You get so drunk you pass out while in college, not recommended, but not that big of a deal. The worst thing that could likely happen would be oversleeping for that 8:00 am class on a day you have a test. But then, if you were partying and not studying, I doubt actually taking the test would do much good. I'm off topic. You are a parent and you get so drunk you pass out! She has 4 other children! She's drunk, she's nursing, she passes out and an hour later, she comes to and her child isn't breathing. She and husband try and resuscitate...wait, husband? SHE HAS A FUCKING HUSBAND? What the HELL has he been doing? Was he drunk and passed out too? If not, why the hell is he allowing his wife to care for his children in such a state. Momma's drunk, momma's not taking care of the children until she's sober. Them's the rules. She's been sentences to 7 years. She won't serve the whole sentence, not even half, get out, continue drinking.......
Item 2 from yesterdays newspaper...the NAACP is honoring John Brown. John Brown, if you don't know, was a raving psychotic who killed 5 men in Kansas during the whole Bleeding Kansas debacle and raided a federal arsenal in Harper's Ferry. YOU'RE HONORING THIS MAN? Maybe the NRA should honor David Koresh in 100 years. He was just a gun enthusiast, right? It'll be ok, too...because they won't be celebrating the violence Koresh perpetuated. They'll just be celebrating his commitment to the Second Amendment. I'm sure, while we are at it, we can find some reason to honor and celebrate the commitment of Charles Manson and Ted Kaczynski, too. I mean, Unabomber Ted was just committed to independence from evil technology, and after the robots turn on humanity and try and kill us, Ol' Ted will look like a messiah! And Green Peace can honor Manson for his brutal murders in the name of ATWA, Air-Trees-Water-Animals. Because he wanted to abolish slavery, the fact that he murdered people isn't that big of a deal? Yeah, and Hitler just wanted to lead Germany to unification with all German peoples and economic prosperity. Every insane madman has some noble purpose. Some justification for his horrible acts. THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE!
Item 3, found in today's newspaper, is the UN. They've sanctioned North Korea. The sanctions...no imports to or exports from North Korea of missiles, missile parts, or anything that could be used to make weapons of mass destruction. The UN has put North Korea in time out. And North Korea has said, "No!" See, North Korea is looking for a reason, any reason, to go to war. They've said they will consider any sanctions as an act of war. They've said they are going to continue with their weapons tests. They've threatened us to keep our big, honking American nose out of their business. Kim Jong-Il needs to be told something more than "go to your room and think about what you've done." For the recond, Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, it's anagram is Gyp 'N' Agony. North Korea: Rank Hooter. Kim Jong-Il: Mil Joking. No what that means? The leader of a smelly tit of a country is playing a lot of jokes with the world from his capital of cheats and agony.
Item 4, also from today's newspaper...Jerry Buck Inman. Jerry Buck killed a girl in nearby (to me) Clemson, South Carolina. What's to rant about? He's arrested, right. Well, see, he's been arrested before. For rape. When he was 17. He was also arrested for breaking and entering. Before convicted of the Florida rape and Tennessee B and E, he participated in a gang rape of another inmate. These arrests got him put in prison, sentenced to 20 years, and in 10 years he attempted to break out of jail twice. I'm sure he did some other horrible, atrocious things...Why the 10 year limit to his attempts at escape? Because after 10 years, he was released. Aww. Isn't that nice, giving Jerry Buck a second chance...except that after 3-months of supervised release, he's sent back. I guess Jerry Buck had trouble fitting in. 6 years later, he's released again. Still hasn't served 20 years. You know, if you try and break out of prison...not only should it be automatic serve the whole term no chance of parole, but you should also have years tacked on. "Aw, Jerry Buck, you don't wanna stay wif us for 20 years? Well, how 'bout 30 instead." So, he's released in 2005. Nine months later, he kills Tiffany Marie Souers. What does the Anagram Gods say should be done to Jerry Buck? Anagram for Jerry Buck Inman: Jerky, Manic burn. There you have it folks, he is a manic jerk and he should burn. He shouldn't have been released.
Fifth and final item, Dennis and Molly McCurry have been starving their adopted children. The 5 year old weighed less than 20 lbs. My 1 year old weighs more than 20 lbs. The kids say they were chained to beds to keep them away from food while Dennis, Molly, and their biological daughter ate nicely. Between these guys and Boozer Mom up there, I don't...I mean...there aren't words.
Well, there are...
To Boozer Mom (her name is Lorinda J. Hawkins), John Brown, David Koresh, Charles Manson, Adolph Hitler, Ted Kaczinsky, Kim Jong-Il, Jerry Buck, and Dennis and Molly McCurry, and while we are at it, let's throw in Lebanon and Israel both...FUCK...YOU!
LAYER NINE: – Number of drugs taken illegally: During my 3 or 4 years of collegiate insanity and rebellion, I smoked marijuana a couple of times. Didn't do anything for me. Would never do it again. – Number of people I could trust with my life: 123.8...Hell, I don't know. I'm a trusting guy. It's easier for me to say how many people I don't trust and I don't think that gets into double digits. Now, of course, who I call on shifts based on ability of the person to handle my needs. – Number of CDs that I own: A little more than or less than 200. I like music, but the discs are always getting damaged and sometimes I get in music buying frenzies. – Number of piercings: 0...I personally don't think guys do well with piercings. – Number of tattoos: 0, though I'm willing to get 1. Moogie and I are supposed to go get tattoos one day. – Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 6 I think. 4 obituaries as survivng kin, one wedding announcement, and I was interviewed in 9th grade because I was part of a group going to Russia for the summer. It was with the People to People: Initiative for Understanding people. That is, people working for People to People, not that the initiative was to understand people. I mean, it was but...awww, forget it... – Number of scars on my body: I've got all kinds of small scars especially on my hands. I've got a couple of fairly noticable ones on my arms, but not the kind that would put you off your feed. – Number of things in my past that I regret: Regret's kind of a harsh word. It's dangerous to consider what you would go into the past and change if you had the opportunity because it's hard to say how that would affect your life. I'm content now. I have a wonderful wife, 4 1/3 wonderful children, a job I enjoy, a house with character, and more animals than I ever thought I'd have. So, while there are things in my past that I would say were mistakes, since those events and decisions lead me to this point, I'm not going to say I regret any of them.
THE FULL MONTY (EXTRA STUFF)
Lived: 32 years as of today. 32 years of experimentation and risk taking, within reason. Current addiction: Diet coke, chocolate, playing City of Heroes. Music: There's very little style of music that I don't listen to at least some. Some rap, some country, some classical, some jazz, a lot of rock. Favorite TV shows: I don't watch telly. Cable/Satellite costs more than it's worth for the options available. We do rent series through Netflix or buy them if we know we want them. We have every Star Trek episode from every series. Firefly was great. Ballykissandgel and Coupling from BBC are coming in from Netflix. Frasier and Third Rock from the Sun. Favorite Movies: Oh, man...let's see. Usual Suspects, Unbreakable, Jaws, Grosse Point Blank, Payback, Halloween, Event Horizon, Demolition Man, The Story of Us, Unforgiven, The Outlaw Josey Wales...damn, let me stop cause I could keep going for a long time. I love movies. Favorite Actors: Brad Pitt, Val Kilmer, John Cusack, Viggo Mortensen, Steve Buscemi, Vincent D'onofrio, Vince Vaughn, Denzel Washington, Steve Martin, Arnold Swartzenegger, William H. Macey, Patrick Warburton, Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman...again, I could probably keep going. Favorite Actresses: Queen Latifah, Janeane Garofalo, Selma Heyak, Joan Cusack, Meg Ryan, Julia Stiles. Favorite Sport: Football.
And that's it...Thank you for joining us for this special 5 day broadcast of The Onion Meme, starring Asshole. Tomorrow we'll return you to your regularly scheduled blog. Happy trails.
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: Oddly, no. I apparently never knew people who were willing to play such games, cause there's never been anything to prevent me. By anything I mean shame. – If so, was it mixed company: Not sure why you would want to without mixed company. – Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Glad you're not asking numbers... – Been caught "doing something": If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to say something other than "doing something". Not really, though. Closest was "doing something" while someone was in the room sleeping and the person waking up. And yes, I know "doing something" doesn't mean self-service... – Been called a tease: No. Can guys be teases? – Gotten beaten up: No. It's hard for people to beat me up because you'd have to take me seriously first. – Shoplifted: Not intentionally. I've forgotten stuff that slipped behind something in the cart and not realized until I loading the car. – Changed who you were to fit in: Hard to answer. Simply because, really did I change, or did I explore a realm of my personality that I don't usually explore because I'm not around those types of people most of the time. Most people would say, "yes, Asshole, you have changed who you were..." I'm just not sure I agree...
LAYER EIGHT:
– Age you hope to be married: The hope's gone. I'm living it BABY! – Numbers and Names of Children: 4 1/3 kids right now. Delta-Boy, Zebra-Girl, Sierra-Girl, and Bravo-Boy. The 1/3 child will be either Yankee-Boy or November-Girl – Describe your Dream Wedding: Halloween. Moogie and I dressed as either the monster of Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein, or Gomez and Morticia Addams. – How do you want to die: In a way that brings me back as a ghost. – Where you want to go to college: I went to Auburn University. WAR EAGLE! If I return for doctorate and masters, University of South Carolina or a smaller local college. – What do you want to be when you grow up: Former Teacher of the Year for my school district. Comic shop owner and comic book writer. – What country would you most like to visit: Napal. BIG ASS MOUNTAINS! Will I climb them? Hell no, I'm not stupic, but the whole country is in the mountains and to just have the highest mountains in the world on that close...I love horizons. But I'm game to visit pretty much anywhere...just not Russia. Did it once, almost died. I'M NOT DOING IT AGAIN!
Tomorrow's the final day with Onion Meme Layers 9 and the Full Monty. It's really called "Extra Stuff" but we can be creative. Tomorrow we'll find out the Asshole's name has appeared in the newspaper and what his favorite movies are.
Oh, and while you are meandering about the web...check out http://www.sternestmeanings.com/talk/talk...it makes anagrams and I'm addicted. Like Parent Teacher Asshole also forms, Pleasant Hero Cheaters.
– Smoke: I did for three or four years in college. My wild rebellious days. I only really want to now when I'm in a bar and I almost never go to bars anymore. Occasionally on Fridays after work. – Cuss: I didn't used to hardly at all. Now it seems fairly regular. I've wondered if being a teacher has brought the cussing out of me, or being a husband, or being a father. But, I figure all three...the Triumvirate of Cussing Terror. – Sing: I was in a church choir when I was really young. Sister Beta, the younger of the two sisters, both older than I am, told me once I needed to sing more quietly...I was too loud. I told her she wasn't the choir director. Some time later I stopped. Some more time later, Sister Beta told me they needed me in the choir because people were leaving the choir. "I thought I was too loud...," I replied with indignation. "Yeah, but we need volume now..." I said no. I was a budding asshole even back then. Now I just sing in my car or to annoy my wife. – Take a shower everyday: Very close. As I let my mane grow, I'm showering closer to every day. Weekends are when I tend not to shower. Saturday and/or Sunday. – Do you think you've been in love: How do you spell that? L-O-V...Heh, just kidding. Yes. – Want to go to college: Been. Auburn university, greatest college in the world. WAR EAGLE! Doesn't mean I can't return. Want to? Not really. Feel like it's something I should do? Certainly. Only time will tell. – Liked high school: Yep. I had more girlfriends at one time when I was in High School...not that I'm proud of that, honey-pie. *innocent looks* – Want to get married: Can you have more than one wife at a time? You know, cause I bet I could...you know, after the High School comment, maybe I should shut my Asshole...Well, except to say that I am in love with my wife... – Believe in yourself: Yep. I'm a pretty arrogant, self-confident asshole. – Get motion sickness: No. – Think you're attractive: Well, I'd say I'm average. I've been told repeatedly that I have pretty eyes, and I'm sure they meant "pretty" in a rugged manly way. I don't know about that...they're kinda squinty. I can admit I have nice haur. Full of body and soft. I think, though, the above mentioned confidence is the most attractive thing about me. I'm not spectacular otherwise. – Think you're a health freak: Um...How do you spell that? H-E-L-L – Get along with your parent(s): Get along with as in not fight? Yes. Get along with as in having long friendly conversations about life, sports, TV, politics? No. I find it very hard to talk to my father, and I'm not sure why. – Like thunderstorms: I love naps, and thunderstorms are the provide the best napping weather...So, oh yeah... – Play an instrument: I played trumpet in middle school band. I was almost goof, first chair in 6th grade...But then I got bored and had a director I didn't like, so it didn't last. Now I blow my trumpet and roaches keel over.
LAYER SIX: In the past month have I…
– Drank alcohol: Yep. I love beer. – Smoked: Nope. – Done a drug: Uh...no. – Made Out: What is this, elementary school? I almost asked if it was middle school and changed my mind having heard my middle school talk about stuff that Playboy wouldn't even show. Anyways, yes. Baby #5 on the way. – Gone on a date: 4 children keep Thrifty Moogie and I pretty much at home. – Gone to the mall?: Nope. Hate the mall. – Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No, I've never been a big fan of Oreos. – Eaten sushi: No. I don't like cooked fish, much less raw. – Been on stage: Depends. You mean have I acted in a play? No. Do you mean have I been on a stage for any reason? Yes. My school's graduation as Teacher of the Year. My principal wanted to recognize my "accomplishment" which I think was just that I've been there longer than anyone else. – Been dumped: No, my wife is very, very patient. – Gone skating: I've skated on thin ice. See the above comment about being dumped. – Made homemade cookies: No. I cook as little as possible for the cleanliness of the kitcher. – Gone skinny dipping: I WISH! But unfortunately, you have to go much further back than one month to get an affirmative on this one. Recollect my above comment about my college rebel years. – Dyed your hair: No. Never have. Never will.
All right, tomorrow Layers 7 and 8, where we'll find out if Asshole ever stripped for game purposes and what the Asshole wants to be when he grows up.
LAYER THREE: – Your most overused phrase on Text messaging: Heh, Text Messaging, that's cute. I say, "I think you're cute" to my wife all the time and "I love you", and that includes the 3 times I sent a text message on her phone. – Your first waking thoughts: "Ugh. More time." – Your best physical feature: My eyes. I get this from most women I've dated. I apparently have nice eyes. I think they're small and squinty. I can claim for myself nice hair. It's got a touch of curl, it's soft. I'm letting it grow out in a grand experiment to see what happens. I'll have a picture soon. – Your most missed memory: Uh...Dunno...I miss it. Like Indigo Girl, whom I got this meme from, I have to ask...What does that mean? . LAYER FOUR:
– Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. – McDonald's or Burger King: This one's tough. To answer this, I have to analyze each franchises versions of the 3 things I go to a burger joint for...1) Cheeseburgers 2) French Fries and 3) Chocolate milkshakes. I prefer the charbroiled taste of Burger King's burgers, but McDonald's has the world's greatest fast food french fries. Well, they certainly did before they stopped salting. Great, we're running neck and neck. BK 1, McD's 1 coming into the final point...the all important milkshake point...Man, the pressure's on. I mean, do I dare defy the Burger King? Will he behead me for betraying the Burger Kingdom? And what about the innocent clown? Will he be able to keep people laughing if I skip the Big Top for the Burger Castle? Well, the milkshake point goes to... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... BURGER KING! Burger King wins, long live the King! – Single or group dates: I wooed my wife with single dates, but I was always more comfortable with group settings. I always felt more relaxed. The pressure was off. I didn't have to generate conversation, I could let other people keep the convo rolling. I had been on dates where I couldn't think of anything to say because the date had nothing to say. It's best if both members of the date take equal responsibility for the convo. A group date gives more people responsibility. – Adidas or Nike: Eh, whatever. I guess I'd be more inclined to get Nike's, but I don't really care. – Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Dunno, I don't drink tea. – Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate. It's not a dessert if it's not chocolate. – Cappuccino or coffee: I don't drink coffee.
Tune in tomorrow to find out of Asshole liked high school and if he's made out in the past month...though this link may help answer that question: This Link
Ok, I'm going to cram 3 topics into one Blog. Don't worry, I've greased the sides of both the blog and the topics, I've got my shoe horn, and a mallet...Let's get started.
Seems Liverpool's making the news. Apparently, Liverpool has a dark and seedy history as a part of the slave trade, and a number of the Liverpool streets are named after slave traders of the past. Funny, Liverpool is hardly synonymous with slavery. I've never threatened my children, when being especially annoying and hyper, to Liverpool them to the highest bidder. But, despite this, Liverpool felt the need to change some of its street names...That is...until...Penny Lane. That's right! Penny Lane, made famous by those hairy Brits, the Beatles, was named after a slave trader.
I imagine things occurred in the Liverpool capital a little something like this...
Liverpool City Official 1: We were right bloody bastards in the past and we have a lot of bloody street names associated with our bloody bastardiness with that whole bloody slave trade thing. Let's change all the bloody street names associated with the bloody slave trade. Liverpool City Official 2: Good bloody idea...but, isn't Penny Lane named after a bloody slave trader? LCO1: Bloody and? LCO2: "AND!?!" Bloody 'ell! And the bloody Beatles have a song about it. That's the only bloody reason people come to bloody Liverpool, for that bloody street. We can't bloody change it! LCO1: Oh, right. Bloody nevermind then.
I find this amusing because, as stated, no one thinks of Liverpool as a cesspool of slavery and bigotry. Most people, probably even living in Liverpool, didn't realize Penny was the last name of a Liverpool slave trader, much less any other street names they were going to change...But also, rather than change the street names for what I would assume would be noble, all-be-it misguided reasons, once they found out the most famous part of Liverpool would have to change its name, then they backed off. Money 1; Morals 0! I don't support these kinds of things, but this ammuses me.
And so, after telling my wife about the lively Liverpool antics,
Thrifty Momma accused me of complaining about her wacko diet and caffeine depravation experiments on her blog!
"How can you complain about me cutting out caffeine and being on a wacko diet when you know I've been eating like a squirrel at a nut buffet!"
"I didn't!"
"You did! Your newest comment!"
"I didn't...I talked about Diet Coke being my vehicle for caffeine."
"You did! Just yesterday!"
"I didn't!"
"Oh, wait...yeah, that was my dad. I'm always mixing you two up."
"Dear, Freud on line one..."
And, with that, I will be in trouble...I'll go ahead and admit that's a paraphrase of the conversation, but you get the basic idea. I'll still be in trouble. First sign that it's not the real conversation...If my lovely, beautiful, genius wife ever says something about a "nut buffet", I'd say, "Well, dear, I have your nut buffet right here" and give an alluring cock thrust. But after this post, I fear my nut buffet is apt to be cracked.........
And finally, the Onion Meme from Indigo Girl. Damn, I know memes tend to be long, but this one's a beast! I think I'll do a couple of layers a day. Today...Layers 1 and 2:
LAYER ONE:
– Name: Clark "Bodog" Asshole - Birth date: July 14, 1974 – Birthplace: Columbia, South Carolina. In the same hospital all 4 of my children were born, and my wife for that matter. – Current Location: Prosperity, South Carolina, in my chair, with a cat on me... – Eye Color: Green or hazel or greenish hazel or hazelish green...something like that. – Hair Color: Brown – Height: 5'11" – Righty or Lefty: Righty...that's for hands AND politics – Zodiac Sign: Cancer...The Crab...I'm crabby...I'm a cancer...I should chance my name to Mel...Mel Anoma...
LAYER TWO:
– Your heritage: Pretty Scots/Irish as far as I know – The shoes you wore today: I dunno. They are black leather shoes and they say George on them. That's all I know. – Your weakness: Um, Full Figured women...comic books...guilt – Your fears: I FEAR NOTHING! The previous statement doesn't cover parental inadequacies, parental and professional failures, death, and super-intelligent ants getting into my underwear. – Your perfect pizza: Thrifty's homemade pizza with pepparoni. – Goal you'd like to achieve: One goal? Heh, PORN STAR! Ok, no...uh, successful and confident children; District teacher-of-the-year; comic book writer; world domination
Tune in tomorrow for Layers 3 and 4 when we find out what the Asshole thinks first thing in the morning and whether or not the Asshole endorses McDonalds or Burger King...
But I need a new chair. I say this because I've never been very particular about my rump resters...but the status of my reality has shifted.
It all started when Thrifty mom's father bought us a laptop. I thought it was a wonderful gift...for TM...But I'd have little use for it because I'd be on the primary computer. See, the primary computer had my game on it...City of Heroes/Villains...But Thrifty kept saying, "You should put CoH/V on the laptop."
There's no way CoH/V could go on the laptop. In order to get the primary computer to run the game I had to buy an expensive video card...That little computer can't handle THE GAME! But she assures me it can...
So, one day, having nothing in particular to do, I decide to give it a shot. Loadloadloadloadloadload and...
Log in...
and...
Play...
Wait a minute...How in the world does such a small computer have the power to run THE GAME!? Why, this little thing in like The Tardis! Bigger on the inside than on the outside.
Now, the Laptop is my primary computer.
"But, Asshole, you were talking about a chair, not a computer..."
True, now we get to the second act of this little drama...
Now I surf and play on the Laptop. But, unlike the Primary computer, the Desktop, I can sit anywhere...but I choose to sit in my spot...my side of the couch. The seat which has cupped my buttocks so comfortingly through many a movie. And yet, there's a disturbance in the force. Every time I'm on the Laptop, I'm surrounded by nosy munchkins. To my left, to my right, ON MY BACK! Detecting my displeasure with being inbabied by 4 nosy babies, Thrifty makes another wise suggestion, " Why don't you sit in the chair in the corner."
So, I now spend a large amount of my time in The Chair. Now, I'm a stereotype. I'm Archie Bunker. It's my chair. It's Dada's chair. I come walking in and see a halfnaked grib (you may call them girls) standing upside down in The Chair and I have to say, "Zebra-Girl, this isn't Mardi Gras. Get out of My Seat and put some pants on."
Sometimes I'm not even so verbose. Sometimes all the children get is, "Move it." With a wave of the hand, naturally.
And now, I need a new one...It's not a bad chair. But it's not very supportive of my back, and I have a bad back. I don't know why, but I guess the why isn't important...just that I have one. And there's a button loose which I snag often when I'm shifting. Why do chairs have buttons on the seats anyway? Is it to make us feel safe that some tentacled demon isn't going to come up through the chairs and do horrible things to out asses? And, I've sat in better...Yep, the old, "I've had better."
What do you expect. Read the top of the page..."Asshole" isn't there just to justify the 'A' in PTA.
But, whatever you do, don't get me a chair from Macy's. "Why?" you ask, or "Whatever..." you mumble in disinterest...But let's deal with the "Why?"
Massachusetts has done a nice thing. It's said that if you are gay, you can get married...Fuck the rest of the country. I admire Massachusetts for that. And you know what? Macy's had to shit on their parade.
Summary, a Macy's store put up a window display with homosexual mannequins (?) in honor of gay pride. Some whiny asshole complained and encouraged a bunch of assholes to complain. Macy's caved. Display got removed.
See, I want to own a store one day, preferably a comic shop, and I hope when I do I'll put something up that gets people upset and I'm told I need to bring it down so that I can say, "You know, show somewhere else and leave me alone." Which is what Macy's should have said.
Now, we all have a right to our opinions. It's how we express these opinions that give us trouble. The manager of this Macy's had an opinion and expressed it. Fair enough. Someone disagreed with his opinion. Fair enough. This person in disagreement then extorted and encouraged others to extort the company to keep the manager from expressing his opinion.
I don't know it's extortion? Ldet's follow the logic.
Opponents to homosexuality are typically opposed because of religious, moral reasons. I don't typically believe in the concept of a "victimless crime" but if there's ever been one, it's homosexuality. It's victimless until you bring in the spiritual wellbeing of people based on certain interpretations of the Bible. Then the victim is societies morality.
Now, they see passages in the Bible against Homosexuality and latch onto them with rampant fervor, but passages about not judging your fellow man are up for debate. See, I'm not very religious, but I remember going to church and I remember that God said it's not my place to judge. Basically, God said, "Leave the judging to me." Right O', Lord!
Now, I've made two accusations...extortion and judgement...Here's how I know that judgement and extortion were used to get Macy's to change the display...
Response to homosexual display from religious person not supportive of homosexuality because it is sinful without extortion or judgement:
"To Whom It May Concern,
I was walking past your store front and saw your display with the homosexual motif. This concerned me. I frequently shop Macy's and love your products. As a concerned patron, I wanted to make sure you considered how the Lord, our God, would feel that you are judging homosexuals. As I love your products, I will continue to shop here, but I would not feel that I am doing my Christian duty if I do not make sure you are aware of the possible spiritual repercussions your decision to support homosexuality could have on your soul."
Response to homosexual display from religious person not supportive of homosexuality because it is sinful with extortion and judgement:
"To Whom It May Concern,
I was walking past your store front and was appaled when I saw your homosexual motif. How dare you expose innocents to such a sinful act. God has let us know well His feelings on homosexuality and your willingness to support these sinners with your store shows that you are in league with the Devil. Change your store front now! I will not shop in a store rife with sin as yours is. I will not shop in your store and your soul will not be saved until you remove that display."
Now, which letter would more likely get Macy's to change its display? That's extortion and judgement.
So I need a new chair...as long as it's not from Macy's. Yep, I can extort too...
Ah, it's another wonderful day at summer school. Wait, did you notice that? Complete lack of past tense in that sentence...look!
"Ah, it's another wonderful day at summer school."
Why, by Jove, that's present tense...Does that mean? Could it possible mean?
YES! I'm blogging...AT SCHOOL!
Oh, my goodness...Don't I feel all dirty, spending my work time doing something frivilous like blogging when I should be teaching my students or at least monitoring them. Can you effectively monitor and blog at the same time? Not likely. I better get up and do my job... ... ... ...
WAIT A BLOODY MINUTE! My students aren't here...Where'd they go? If the director finds out that I lost my students, I'll be in deep dung. Huh, but funny thing...I don't remember seeing my students at all today...I better check my roster.
Well, I'll be a monkey's butler...My students never showed up. I usually teach 3 students in a summer school and not a one of them showed up...
HA!
Ok, so on with blogging...Did I tell you about last Thursday? The seventh grade summer school teachers gathered round and one said, "The either grade teachers are giving their students treats on the last day of every week. I wonder if we could get something for today?"
Uh-uh. See, it's summer school. You know who goes to summer school? The students who didn't try hard enough. Know what that means? That by giving them treats, you are rewarding them for not trying hard enough. I see it every day. Teachers taking their students outside...No! You don't make summer school pleasant at all.Summer school runs for 6 weeks and it's supposed to teach them what they didn't learn in the previous 36 weeks. We are basically giving them a free pass, get out of repeating your grade free card. If you can sit back and do nothing and simply complete a simple 6 week breeze course to pass, who cares if you fail! I'll tell ya', apparently a lot of parents don't. So, you get to move up to the next grade, your parents don't care...what's to keep you from failing consistently so you can just breeze through summer school?
We have to make summer school unpleasant. We have to tough, we have to be serious, we have to NOT do anything the students want to do. No treats, no outside, nothing. Classwork and good behavior. Make it miserable so that the next year when they are deciding if they are going to try to pass or not, they can think, "Well, Summer School work is easier, but man, it sucks...no fun, boring, nothing. I'd rather stay home sleeping late and playing my X-Game Station than put up with THAT mess again. I'll do the work."
Oh, and I just got word that one of my three students showed up. WOOHOO!
Thomas J. DiLorenzo has some interesting things to say on this day...I agree with a lot of what he says. Hell, all that he says here.
I do disagree, however, with this sudden preoccupation with what the founding fathers of our nation intended, thought, believed...etc. One, it's funny that they are spoken of as if they were all the same person with the same singular view, which isn't true. They often disagreed. So, when I hear, "The founding father's were against Capitalism [or what have you]..." Well, clearly, some of them were not. Also, 200 years changes how society views the world. In fact, I would wager, that some of the founding fathers realized that and thus we have Amendments, thus giving us the ability to change the Constitution.
And kind of off topic I want to throw out one explosive rant...Those of you walking around saying that you are embarrassed of America and that you are American because you disagree with the current government...Grow up. How can you be embarrassed in a country where we will vastly change the government in 2 years. And every 4 we have the chance too. Every 4 years we get to review our leader's progress and say either, "Here, let's see what you can do in the next 4 years." or "You know, I think we've seen enough...don't call us, we'll call you." How many countries can do that? Canada has to wait more the 4 years! The majority don't ever have the option unless they rise up and slay their leaders. And we can even kick a President out of office before his 4 years are up if he does something really heinous!
But some of us are embarrassed of our country...Well, pull up your bootstraps and do something. Vote. Write. Write letters threatening to support anyone but the guy currently in office. Find someone more suitable and do what you can to get your guy in whatever political office you want him in. It may take time, but it'll work...It'll work better than complaining on the internet, at least...
Ok, on with the post...I'm sure form the title of the post and my little, uhm, whatever up there, that I'm blogging about Superman Returns and I'm not happy about the omission of the "And the American Way" thing from Superman Returns. Let's begin...
See, here's the thing...Superman IS the American Way. A completely original (kind of) creation in a completely new format (comic books) which prospered under Capitalism. More money has been made off of Superman than Bill Gates has in the bank right this second. You're right, I'm guessing there, but I have that much confidence in Supes's ability to generate cash since the 40s and I wouldn't even ask for scales for inflation...
Durden points out some important things, like 1945 America. Mike Dougherty and Dan Harris say that because the American Way has changed since 1945, they decided to go with "all that other stuff". Glad to know these geniuses are aware of what 1945 America was like. Not quite the Land of Freedom. I mean, ok, we were instrumental in winning World War II, but we entered the war being manipulated by Franklin Roosevelt, who tried lying about a planned Nazi invasion of the US from Mexico, and who turned his back on warnings about a Japanese attack. Forget equal rights if you weren't a white male, and forget about voicing doubts about your governments policies, as is a common topic these days, or have we all forgotten Joe McCarthy?
So, these historians decided that they wanted to change "the American Way" to "all that other stuff." You know, "Truth, Justice, and...all that other stuff..."
"All that other stuff"? What the crap is that for a replacement anyway? It's so flippant and dismissive....Try and say that in your most noble, virtuous tone of voice. "I stand for truth, justice, and all that other stuff." You can't. It sounds half hearted, and you know why? IT IS! Replace "stuff" with "crap" and it's completely dismissive of the truth and justice. "Truth, justice, and all that other crap." Yeah, nice...thanks. Keep your other stuff...I'll wait for the American Way...
On Beltway's blog, a commenter suggested that it was an economic decision. Fearing that the "American Way" comment would alienate foreign markets, they decided to change it. Problem: We all know how easily it is for Hollywood to change a line here or their for the international markets. But, what about bad press? Well, if their main concern is losing money, then they'd also realize that by the time we Americans found out about the change, they'd already have our money. I hope it was a short-sighted economic decision. I fear not.
I fear that Dougherty and Harris decided to change it NOT because of money and NOT because of 1945 America, as perfect as it was...damn women's sufferage and damn civil rights...No, I fear that Dougherty and Harris disagree with the current administration and this is their way of showing their disapproval.
"Current administration"
"Current"
Funny word current...Means not permanent. Means things will change. Means that if you look at the state of the country right now and you aren't happy with what you see, you and everyone else like you can change it in 2 years. Very few countries in the world, very few people in this world, have that kind of power over their governments. But despite this, there seems to be a trend to be embarrassed or ashamed of America. Why? 2 years, clean slate, let's try again. Is that not good enough? You want it now? How many Americans have called their representatives to say they felt that Bush needs to be impeached and if they didn't see their representatives names on something saying that Bush should be impeached, that they would vote for someone, ANYONE, else.
And immigration laws? 1) He's naturalized at the very least. That's what happens when you get adopted by Americans. 2) No one knows who Superman really is. You can't deport someone whom you really just don't know who he is.
I'm not embarrassed of the American Way. I don't think Superman would be either.
So, the way I figure it...Conspiracy Theorists have formed a new religion.
Now, before I begin my explanation, let me get a couple of things out there. I'm an asshole, as the blog states, but I'm not being quite as big an asshole as you might be expecting. First, I don't use the term "conspiracy theory" as a dismissive label as it is often used. When you say, "Oh my god, there's got to be more to it. They're covering stuff up!" and someone in turn says, "Oh, yes, please share your perfectly rational unparanoid conspiracy theory that can't be proven but is so true." That's dismissive. I use the term "conspiracy theory" as literally as the words can be meant without the sarcasm. It's a theory based on evidence that there's a conspiracy surrounding certain events. Second...I am not a blind, toadying yes-man for the government. I say that because conspiracy theorists, having realized that they are frequently dismissed as kooks, have taken to using their own dismissive terms for people who don't believe their theories.
Ok, so Conspiracy Theory, the new religion...See, back in the olden day, man created religion to explain the things which we couldn't understand: seasons, lightning, fire, women, and vcr clocks. So, when lightning would strike and thunder would rumble, when our baby Greek children would ask, "Dadicus, why does the lightning fall from the sky and rumble the earth?" Well, fathers had to say something, and they didn't know enough science to say, "Blah blah clouds blah grunt boom blah science science 1 mississippi 2 mississippi blah blah science." It'd be a long time before the discovery of, well, the Discovery Channel which allows fathers today to explain what happens in nature. So, without the Discovery Channel and with inquisitive little Greek children, fathers had to come up with something...and religion was born.
"Zeus, god of thunder, throws his thunder bolts, his lightning, down to the earth when he is angry and lights up the sky and shakes the ground."
"What makes Zeus angry, Dadicus?"
"Little Greek children who don't do their chores like they are supposed to."
"Why does the house shake when mom's mad at you because you stayed late at the tavern flirting with the Mead Maiden?"
"That's not your mother shaking the house. That is also Zeus, god of thunder and adultery, showing his displeasure with your mother for questioning your father."
Thus, religion and centuries of patriarchy were born. You're welcome.
Nowadays, because of science and the Discovery Channel, we know most everything. Well, we all don't know, but we could all find out if we wanted to find out. Just find the right book. Anyway, despite all that we know, we still get stumped from time to time. What's healthy? We still don't quite know. Who got elected president in 2004? Um...good question.
Answer, CONSPIRACY THEORY! We don't have an answer, but we have a theory that someone knows and they are conspiring to keep the information from us. Where there is a gap in our knowledge or our understanding, our brains can get very creative.
"How can Bush have won the 2004 election?"
Conspiracy! Rigged machines. Voters not allowed to vote. Voters who don't exist.
Now, let's take Ohio, the chief culprit. There's some questions about the machines. But it's easier for some to believe that the machines were rigged. Not that there could have been an innocent programming error. If it was an error, why wouldn't it have affected the results for both Bush and Kerry rather than just Kerry? Well, it couldn't be because if there was a programming error in X machines, the programming error probably occurred in the X machine in a row, not randomly on X machines throughout the programming of all machines. Then, the machines were probably loaded and shipped to the polling places in the same order the error occurred, and then, have you noticed that a lot of times, an area will be predominantly Democratic or Republican? So if the programming error occurred in a row on the same day on the X number of computers, were stored in the order they were programmed, and loaded and shipped in the order they were programmed, the law of probability, which would suggest that an innocent occurrence that could happen to two possible parties would happen fairly equally to both parties, would have little effect. Also, forgotten is that the law of probability says what most likely will happen, but ask anyone who has taken a long shot bet and won, probability doesn't always rule the day. You could flip a coin 10 times and get heads 8. Not probable, but there's nothing saying it couldn't happen either.
Then 9/11...There wasn't a plane that hit the Pentagon, it was explosives, and the towers fell down because of explosives not two planes, and the fourth plane got shot down, not the acts of heroism by the passengers.
There's some questionable stuff with the towers. The apparent molten steel and melted steel girders. But then, how many times have towers like the twin towers been hit by planes like those 747s? All the experts are just speculating about what could and could not happen. There's a lot of science in the 9/11 towers thing and even the Pentagon and most of us have to go to experts. But then, both sides has its experts. How do you pick which experts you're going to believe? We don't understand what happened, it must be a conspiracy!
My problem with these conspiracies is that if you question the how, it's always simple. How could the number of people necessary to pull off this conspiracy been able to pull it off without someone noticing, without someone thinking that maybe this wasn't the best idea, without thinking that the only way to get a shot at wealth and fame would be to blow the lid off of the conspiracy? I can't answer the scientific questions about how the towers fell and the concrete turned to dust, but I can find some experts for you. Some experts to say how it could happen the way it supposedly happened, and some experts that will tell you it never could have happened that way without help.
My problem with most conspiracy theorists is that they are 100% POSITIVE that they know what happened, and the government's to blame. I don't think there's been a conspiracy in these events, but I'm not 100% positive that there was no conspiracy. I understand that the answers that I accept from the experts who tell me there was no conspiracy don't eliminate all the questions and in some cases create new questions. Why can't a conspiracy theorist admit that the answers from the experts who say that there was a conspiracy also leave some questions unanswered and create some new questions as well?
The only thing I can figure is faith. Faith that the government is working against its own people. And when you have questions to which you need answers and you look to something (government conspiracy) for those unknown answers, and you have faith that those answers are correct despite opening up more unanswered questions, then you have a religion.
But then, I don't know what keeps happening to my socks. I have more mismatched socks than I do matched socks. So, if my socks turn up in Guantanamo as prisoners in the war on terror...Well, I may have to convert...
Talk about something you never...NEVER...want to hear...
"This is not a valid ID..."
I mean, what scenario is that a phrase you WANT to hear...
"I'm sorry, sir. I was going to give you a speeding ticket, but I need proper Highway Patrol ID, and this...is not a valid ID..."
Nope, never happened...If you are in possession of an ID that "is not a valid ID", you are being denied something...The right to buy alcohol, the right to buy porn, the right to drive slowly away from a police officer with only one ticket rather than two...the right to...take a test?
Wait, why do I have to have a valid ID? I don't even WANT to take the test. I want alcohol. I want porn. I want to drive away with only one ticket...I want to take a test? I don't think so.
I heard this...one week ago today. I was there and I, apparently, wanted to take a test. What did not constitute "valid ID"?
Voter's Registration with my name and signature matching the name of the person who was suppoed to be taking The Test...
One credit card and one debit card both also with my name and signature.
One proof of insurance with my name (admittedly no signature this time, but I could use my car as evidence)
My friend and co-worker, a human being, having already passed the full body cavity search and rigorous proof of ID, present to take the same basic test, who could attest to the fact that the guy with the voter's registration, money sucking black hole cards, vehicle registration (and matching car), and DRIVER'S LISCENCE is in fact the guy who wants to take a test.
If you've noticed that I saved the mention of the driver's liscence until the end and you suspect there's more to the story...you've earned a Gold Star.
See, the Driver's License...or DL as I will now refer to it...had a flaw. Not my face, although that is a flaw. Or that I've gained 10 pounds since I last had to renew my DL.
I don't know about DLs from other states, but it seems that the South Carolina (SC) DL has two layers. There's the primary layer with the prison mugshot picture, the personal information that surely can't be of use to anyone...
Police Officer: "Sir, this appears to be you, but I'm going to have to ask you to stand on these weight scales...Sir, you are clearly not who you claim to be because you weigh 10 pounds more than this valid form of identification says...You'll have to come with me to the station..."
Then, there's the second layer, the rear layer, the secondary layer...the one with the clear white surfact that has nothing except what appears to be a bar code but which apparently codes nothing.
These two layers are separate and held together by laminant.
My two layers...had a divorce...Well, they separated, but with some determination and invisible tape, they were trying to reconcile their differences.
Thus, my driver's license, which has served me so well in keeping beer in my fridge, was invalid. I was safe to buy alcohol, but take a test? Not on your life, Mister!
So, I'm supposed to take the National Boards Test and I can't because I can't prove who I am. I know Identity Theft is an increasing problem, but I doubt anyone stole someone else's identity because of his addiction to tests.
So, the lady telling me that I was not who I thought I was (maybe the floors had built in scales which alerted her to the 10 pound weight difference?) asked if I had a passport.
Asshole: "Yes." Test Nazi: "Where do you live?" Asshole: "My invalid ID has my address on it..." Test Nazi: "Can you get there in 15 minutes?" Asshole: "..." Test Nazi: "Sure you can. I do it all the time." Asshole: "If you are going to answer my questions, why don't you take the test for me? Do you have a valid ID?"
All of a sudden, I'm in a caper film and I'm the Safe Cracker...
Test Nazi: "We need to get in that safe and the guard will be back in 15 minutes. Can you do it?" Asshole: "I dunno...it's a tough safe." Test Nazi: "Well, I could do it...you need to do it!" Asshole: "If you could do it, then why are you just watching the door? Why aren't you cracking the safe?" Test Nazi: "Because you're the star of the film...now do it." Asshole: "I need more time." Test Nazi: "DO IT!!!" Asshole: "I NEED MORE TIME!!!"
At this point, I have to admit I didn't say anything after "yes"...Sometimes I wish I was as much of an asshole in real life as I am in my mind.
I may be able to get to the house in 15 minutes and I may be able to return in 15 minutes, though I'm sceptical...but find the passport immediately? No. Not without some help...So, I leave, pull out my phone and I start going over what I'm going to tell Frugal. (She's the lovely wife, in case you don't know.)
"Honey, they found out that we are aliens and that I'm not the human whose place I took all because of 10 pounds and some invisible tape! Get my old passport from my high school trip to the Soviet Union so I can..."
Wait...I haven't needed a passport since I was in high school. I doubt she'd call that valid...I better check...
Asshole: "My passport is from when I was 17." Test Nazi: "Oh." Asshole: "..." Test Nazi: "..." Asshole: "..." Test Nazi: "Ok, well, what I'm going to have to have you to do is go to the DMV and get a new DL and be back in 45 minutes." Asshole: "..." Test Nazi: "The DMV opens in 15 minutes. I've got a map..." Asshole: "You've got a map? This happens so often you have a map to the nearest DMV? I know where it is..." Test Nazi: "You know where it is?" Asshole: "Not having a valid ID doesn't make me a moron..."
Anything after the ellipses denoting a staring contest excluding knowing where the DMV is located didn't actually get said.
So, I went to the DMV which wouldn't open for 30 minutes. It just so happened that they had an opening in the test taking window 30 minutes after my test taking window, so if I can get back...I can still take the test. WOOHOO!
So, I got to sit for 30 minutes. I sagely sat in front of the doors rather than waiting in my car. A DMV employee brought out forms for us to fill out while we waited for the place to open. I called Frugal. I brooded about not being in the test. It's a staggering thing, walking in to take a test and then for a small reason you are denied and you are given extra time to sit and think about the test and whether or not you have reason to be confidant, and maybe I won't make it back in time. I mean, it is the DMV. It's not well known for its alacrity.
Then, you start plotting against the people waiting outside of the doors with you. You start screening them...
"You can go in before me. You were here first. I doubt you have time baring down down on you like I do...but I don't want to be rude. But you? Uh-uh. You were here before me, but then you went and sat in your car until you saw the girl giving out the forms...No, you lost your place buddy. And I've heard you talking about what you are here for...it's going to take 45 minutes to deal with you alone, so I can't let you get in front of me either."
The doors get unlocked...I jump up, slam the guy with the 45 minutes of paper work into a tree. Forms flutter about like flat, rectangular, paper snowflakes. (Ooh...Simile) I tripped the car guy, held the door open for the lady who was there before me (always the gentleman), bit my thumb at the two guys left in my wake (Ooh...Shakespearean reference), and entered the DMV.
Ok...maybe not quite like that...But I did hold the door for the lady.
It took 3 minutes to get a new license. They just...printed a new one. Same picture. Same weight off by 10 pounds...no invisible tape.
So, I finally got to take my test for the National Boards. WOOHOO!
There's nothing much to say about the test without risking being abducted by men in black in an unmarked van, driven to some undisclosed location and force fed my testicles...or something like that. They are serious about test security, though...so, don't play.
I will say that the test had me do what I, as a middle school language arts teacher, do most every day in planning for my class. I don't know how well I did, but I feel pretty good about it.
Why have I not been blogging? Well, see...I'm a guy who does really well with routine. That's why I want to blog a little bit every day, and I did so for a while...but then one day, I didn't. I didn't because Thursday night a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't sleep...at all. The problem is that Friday, I had to go be "trained" for summer school. "Trained". This is the 7th Summer School I've done...I don't need to be trained. But they wanted me there anyway.
By the time I got home, I was exhausted...too tired to blog. And it threw off my groove. I'm just starting back.
What have I done in those two weeks? I've started teaching Sumemr School. I have two classes...3 students. That's right, true believers, I have one class with one student. Summer School is just the district giving me a binder full of worksheets to complete with our students by the end. The program has always been pretty good, but it had to be changed this year because we are having a longer summer school. The person who adjusted the program for the longer days did a HORRIBLE job. A program which was pretty good has become awful.
I'm teaching 7th grade Geography. Every day starts off with a journal which makes no sense. "Based on your findings, what was the cause of the incident?" Uh...what findings on what incident? "Examine the positive and negative causes of historical events." Heh. Students in summer school, after a year of Geography, which they failed, are supposed to not only remember something from history, but remember what caused the event? Not likely.
We had a day of nothing but filling in maps. MAPS! The whole day. The previous program, we did a little map work every day. And the books I needed to do the maps weren't given to me. I used what I had been given. Then there were days where we needed specifically to look at maps and charts from a particular book...not given to me...because they were not told to have them out...and I didn't know because I don't usually teach Geography, so it was a fiasco trying to find out what I needed to do the work for those days.
3 students, 2 classes, countless little fiascos.
I am, however, going to try and get myself out of the classroom for next year's summer school and into the director's chair. Seems they'll need a new one next year. They don't need someone with an administrator's degree. I'm going for it.
I also took my National Boards Test. But I think that needs its own post. Check back soon...or in two weeks...depending on...the routine.
They came in the night. I, the humble cook, suddenly found myself awash in a sea of chaos and confusion as my unheralded guests stormed from corner to corner, screaming and thrashing. The guards, hearing the din of the maelstrom, came rushing in. They attempted to pin down the two interlopers disrupting my culinary preparations, but they proved too elusive for my protectors.
When amidst the turmoil I came to a sudden realization...If the guards had their way, a grave injustice would be committed. One guard eyed one of the intruders and began to corner him. From behind, I grabbed the guard, who now appeared to be the villain in this drama, and hurled him out of the kitchen. I lost one of my unexpected guests, as well as the second guard. I offered my hand for protection to my guest.
We then bolted out of the kitchen into the hall where I discovered the second guest pinned underneath the pointed weapon of the missing guard about to be sacrificed in the name of justice. I, again, grabbed the guard and hurled him down the hall, the guard's victim scampered away, but the aggressive sentry would not be so easily denied his victory. I shoved the enraged sentinel into a closed off room, and locked him away.
I searched carefully and quietly for the second unexpected guest...the second small, confused, scared child.
*****
The above story is true...if you replace the two small, scared children with small, scared chimney swifts who fell out of the chimney and into the dining room/kitchen...and replace the two guards with two hungry cats...
The two traumatized baby swifts seemed ok after I took them outside and put them on top of the picnic umbrella, where they sat still for a moment surely regaining their composure, and then flying off into the night.
I've had this blog for awhile now, but I haven't been regularly posting on it. That's one of the many things which I want to do this summer...post regularly on PTA so that when school starts back, I'll automatically think, "I should blog this" when anything even remotely interesting happens or is discovered.
My wife, Thrifty, is more experienced in the Merry Old Land of BLOG and she told me that blogging isn't just about sharing your thoughts with thousands of people...it's also about mingling with other bloggers, networking, socializing...
...
I'm not very social. I try to be. But my mind goes blank.
Party Host: "Hey, John. This is Bodog." John: "Hey." Bodog: "Hey, John. It's nice to meet you." Party Host: "Oh, look...The cheese log is almost eaten away. I better go get a replacement. Have fun." Bodog: Please note the use of italics to show internal monologue. "Geez, how many cheese logs can one person own? And who's eating that shit? I better use the restroom before those cheese eaters start nuking the place...But I should talk with this guy first...What can we talk about? Comics! What's he think about Batwoman being a lesbian? Wait, he doesn't look like a comic fan, because we comic geeks are easily identified by the Scarlet letters CG we're forced to wear to protect the rest of society from our communicable insanity...Plus, what if John here has an issue with homosexuals and he goes off on some antigay rant that I don't wanna put up with...Ooh, I know...Bush, Iraq...What's he think the US's plan should be at this point...but what if he's liberal? And he goes off on some anti-Dubya rant that I don't wanna put up with... So, I've got either an anti-Bush rant or an anti-bush-on-bush rant. If I stand here long enough, maybe he'll pick a topic...but he'll probably bring up The Lost 24 American Idol House and I'll have to explain that I don't watch TV and he'll ask why and I'll have to justify my decision to avoid that brain numbing pap, and then I might be off on an anti-TV rant that I don't wanna put up with..."Uh, it's been pretty pleasant in the evenings." John: "Yep...hot in the afternoons, though." Bodog: "Yep." John: "Yep." Bodog: ... John: ... Bodog: *belch* (Please notice my use of italics to denote onomatopia) "Ugh, scuse me. Whelp ... Uh ... This beer just running through me. Gotta go take a piss. See ya." John: "Yep."
So, see...it's not pretty. In fact it's Angelina Jolie ugly. (Anyone who says she's hot hasn't looked at her face...or they have a swollen lip fetish.)
Anyway, it's better online, of course. You walk into a room and someone's already talking. You have something to contribute, you can choose to do so. If not, you can just go to another blog-room, observe the conversation, make your decision...So, I've been trying to visit some blogs and comment. SInce doing so, I've had a slight increase in comments, which is cool. I enjoy hearing what other people think about whatever I was thinking about at blog time, although I think the main factor in the increased commentage in Thrifty memeing me and linking to me because she seems to be pretty well liked.
One of the blogs Thrifty recommended to me was Mrs. Chili's blog, A Teacher's Education. I've been stopping by but I haven't commented yet because...well, even online sometimes my mind goes blank. Sorry Mrs. Chili. I'm awaiting a shipment of cerebral fix-a-flat as we speak...unless I forgot to order it...
Anyway, Mrs. Chili commented on my post Memed in the Head, my response to the second mem Thrifty sent my way. She asked a question which has thus spawned this blog post...so blame her...
Anyway, she asked, "I'm confused about the "confusing people with students." If your students aren't people, what are they?"
This is a perfect example of what I was talking about in my response to "I Confuse..." I am a confusing guy, and I confuse people, animals, myself...I have a tendency to spread confusion like a spreading thing...that spreads things...everywhere...........
Anyway, when writing my blog, I don't like to edit much except for spelling (which sometimes I forget to do) and grammar (ditto). So I sat down to say what I confuse and I thought, "Well, I confuse people. But because teaching is one of my primary topics for the blog, I should mention that I confuse students specifically." So, I typed that I Confuse..."People and Students". Then I realized that it sounds like I don't think students are people...If I confuse people in general, then it would stand to reason that I would confuse my students, who are people...mostly. I decided to comment on my apparent separation of students from people by adding, "who I apparently think aren't people."
Long story short (Too late Asshole), I didn't mean I confuse students with people, or vice versa...I meant I am a confusing factor in the lives of people and spefically, as a confusing teacher, students.
Thanks Mrs. Chili for the comment and pointing out my continuing spread of confusion even into this Wondrous Land of BLOG!
I think that in about 13-15 years, that conversation will go...
Teenage Sierra-Girl: Hey, Dad! Crotchety Old PTA: Hey, Teenage Sierra-Girl...What color do you call your hair again? Teenage Sierra-Girl: ASSHOLE! Crotchety Old PTA: Asshole, indeed, baby girl...asshole, indeed.
Did you know Harry Reid attended 3 boxing matches in Las Vegas? Did you know he had ringside seats? Those most coveted seats where you can get splattered by sweat, spit, blood, and the occasional tooth...or ear if Tyson's fighting...It's more fun than Gallagher Live!
Anyway, do you know who Harry Reid is? I didn't either before I looked in the newspaper today...He's the Senate Democratic leader...and he was pressing for legislation to increase government oversight of...boxing.
JIM LEHRER: But the specifics that are involved in the current situation aside, the practices of lobbyists taking people -- financing trips abroad, taking people to meals -- all of that -- free airplane travel -- all that sort of stuff has been common practice. Democrats and Republicans have been doing that for years, correct?
SEN. HARRY REID: Well, Jim, listen. The Jack Abramoff situation where he's flying people around to golf tournaments in Scotland and other places, I don't think that has been -- if it has, I don't know about it, but if it has been, it's time to stop.
Now, Reid received these free tickets as far back as 2003.
Reid's argument? According to the New York Times:
Mr. Reid defended the gifts, saying that they would never influence his position on the bill and that he was simply trying to learn how the legislation might affect an important industry in his home state. "Anyone from Nevada would say, 'I'm glad he is there taking care of the state's No. 1 businesses,' " he said.
Oh, well sorry Senator Reid...I suppose that if you give us your word that the free ring side seats to three separate boxing events won't affect your decision, and you only accepted the tickets to go on a fact finding excursion...Well, forgive my suspicious nature...
WAIT A MINUTE! Couldn't tickets to boxing matches simply to investigate how a piece of legislation will affect an important local industry be a tax write-off?
I AM BLESSED: with 4 wonderful children and a wife whom I love completely despite her constant memeing. I WANT: to have more energy. If I slept less, I could do more. I WISH: I made more money to support my family. I HATE: hypocrisy and people who refuse to be accountable for their own actions/decisions. I MISS: behave. I FEAR: that I'm making mistakes as a father. I HEAR: screaming. I WONDER: if I had a million dollars, would it change me? I REGRET: being lazy and self-centered...but I'm working on both. I AM NOT: a teacher...I am an architect of the future. If only I was paid architect money... I DANCE: awkwardly, shamelessly, and without humility. I SING: off key, shamelessly, and without humility. I CRY: about things which my brain says could happen, but which haven't, but could...and I don't want these things to happen. I AM NOT ALWAYS: stupid...just usually. I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: the Spock "Live Long and Prosper" sign...and the Three Stooges Curly snapping routine. I WRITE: this blog, that blog, and three web comics...plus I write comic strips and short stories...in my head, but I'm working on that. I CONFUSE: people and students, who I apparently think aren't people... I NEED: to clip my finger nails. I SHOULD: stop procrastinating. I START: off strong and enthusiastic. I FINISH: off poorly and disinterested...but I'm working on that...focus. I'm adding that to what I need...I also need focus...
Today marks day two of my summer vacation. I've learned more about my children than I really wanted to know. These are things that I've seen before, but that sheer regularity of these things is...staggering.
Bravo-Boy and Sierra-Girl, aged almost 1 and 2 respectively, are archenemies. Sierra-Girl has a toy...Bravo-Boy takes the toy...Sierra-Girl takes it back...Bravo-Boy takes it back again...much screaming insues.
Zebra-Girl is the clumsiest, most hurtingest baby in the world. She runs and trips. She stands and falls. She walks past a door or a wall or air and bumps her head. Much screaming insues.
Delta-Boy, age 4, is trying to be a real human and take control of his life. Unfortunately, what he wants to do with his life...watch TV, boss his sibs around, eat nothing but rice krispy treats and gummy worms, take full ownership of every toy in the house...These things tend to run contrary to how PTMamma (Pretty Tired (of Me Being Home) Mamma) want his world to be. So, there's more head butting in a day than in a World Wide Wrestling Smackdown...and much screaming ensues.
Now, here's the question...do you notice a pattern? Yes...screaming...
Oh, and my earlier Poo Post...about how I seem to be a catalyst for poo production in babies...yep, still going strong. Your baby constipated and crabby? Give me a call...no more than five minutes in my presence, and you'll be in the middle of a shit storm...
Ok, the other night I had a dream...It was...an odd dream. I was walking around a European city...I think a Scandinavian city, but there were no details in the dream to confirm the location...but I know it was European. The odd part? I was walking around in a sparkly, gold full-length ball gown...
So then, the next morning, PTMamma (Partly Terrified Mamma) and I were discussing movies we were expecting from Netflix. One movie we were expecting in A History of Violence starring Viggo Mortensen. When the Lord of the Rings movies were coming out and every woman was swooning over Orlando Bloom, I kept saying how Orlando was kinda girly, but Viggo...he's a sexy man! Well, PTMamma made a comment about, when I confess my love to Viggo, he can come to the house as long as he brings Orlando Bloom with him...Well, I then explained that I couldn't date Viggo because I like boobies too much...but then if Viggo went on hormone treatments and got boobies, then...well, that's a Viggo of different dimensions.
Anyway, I don't have to worry about going into some alternative lifestyle when I remembered what my wife said a few mornings earlier when talking about her goal to be a writer: "I want to be Stephen King, only with breasts."
So, there's a lot of sexual and gender confusion in the PTHousehold these days. I could probably tell you more, except PTMamma says the nice folks from the Department of Social Services would like to talk with us, probably about our excellent child rearing techniques, and I still need to call back Jerry Springer.
That's what I say at least once, typically several times, while I'm at work. "It's my job."
"Mr. Asshole, why do you give us homework when you know we aren't going to do it?"
"It's my job."
"Mr. Asshole, why won't you let us have CD players at school?"
"It's my job."
Sometimes, that's the only answer that will get through to them, and personally, I feel that seeing someone do his job simply because it's what is expected of him, is something my students need to see. Because, I don't always like "my job".
A couple of years ago, a student I enjoyed having in my class got a little too wired (I don't remember specifics here), and stabbed someone in the hand with a pencil. Now, it wasn't an aggressive maneuver. In his own mind, he was just playing around. It was my job to write him up for stabbing another student in the hand with a pencil, and rightfully so, his intentions and reasons were of little or no consequence. He got dismissed from the school. I regretted having to write him up...but, it's my job.
Sometimes, I like "my job"...It's my job to help my students succeed, sometimes where they've never succeeded before, and I like showing them that they can learn, they can succeed. Their "handicap", their intelligence...they aren't holding them back...It's themselves, their lack of interest...or, current teaching practices, but I'll save that missive for another post.
Anyway, yesterday...Tuesday May 9th, 2006, was a particularly ripe "It's my job" day.
We have a controversial "School Store" policy. Students who do not receive a discipline referral one day get to go to the school store the next day. The controversy? Some teachers hate the idea all together. They take my idea of a Spartan teaching environment to the extreme. I feel that we should be strict so that students do not want to come back, because if they want to come back, then we are encouraging them to misbehave, but that doesn't mean that we have to be completely deprived of privledges and pleasantries. Also, two teachers are essential to access to the school store. One teacher actually runs the school store, the other teacher, who has a planning period at that time, is supposed to monitor the students enjoying the school store privledge. If one or the other is out, then the school store is shut down. Some students have shown amazing maturity in saying that if it can't be consistent, they'd rather it not be offered at all. A third controversy is that, if, for some reason, we teachers don't get a list of who cannot go to the school store because of a discipline referral the previous day, then we are not to send the students to our students to the school store at all. After all, we don't know who should have the privledge, and who shouldn't.
Well, that last scenario was the predicament I found myself in. I had no list telling me who could not go. So when my students asked, I said I had no list, no one could go. Then the aftermath.
Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. The spokesman of the class went on about how they were hungry and the lunch is nasty and some of them, the only food they would get would be from the school store, and they didn't want to go home hungry...
...I know several of my students come from families who are poor. I understand. BUT, I told this to the spokesman, there are people, adults and children, in the world who would love...LOVE...to have the chance to eat the food he's calling nasty. Our school district offers reduced lunch and even free lunch and every year they lose money on lunch. Beggars can't be choosers.
Anyway, I explained to the class that I was told my job was to give students who did not receive a discipline referral the previous day the opportunity to go to the school store. I was told my job was to not allow anyone to go to the school store under the 3 conditions stated above. Other teachers were sending their classes to the school store...it's happened before...I don't know if they got a list or not. I didn't ask because if they didn't get a list, and if they didn't get a list then they are not doing their jobs.
I explained to my students that it would be easier to just let them all go completely ignoring the rules, than it was to listen to them complain...it's easier to skirt the rules...but I'm anal about them. I'm not going to follow the crowd and break the rules just because it's easier.
Later, after using our exercise discipline program (we use running, mostly, as a form of discipline in an attempt to avoid discipline referrals which could lead to suspension or expulsion), a student began entering the gym. I instructed the student to stop and go on to class. He asked me why I was always on his back..."It's my job."...I also pointed out that I'm on everybody's back. The student wanted to get some water...understandable considering the running...BUT, school was out in a few minutes and high school students were in the gym. We are instructed to keep our middle school students away from the high school students unless absolutely avoidable.
What my students don't understand is that there's a difference between what I don't mind/care about, and what's my job. I didn't care if the student got water, I didn't care if my students went to the school store...but, it's my job to keep control of these things.
Another problem, especially with the the desire for water, but even spilling into being hungry...I know what it's like to be thirsty. I became sick and delirious on a student summer visit to the USSR. Some viral infection threw my blood sugar for a loop (I'm diabetic), and I was in a Russian hospital. The most frightened I've ever been. Well, the most frightened for my own safety. When your blood sugar gets high, you dehydrate because your body is trying to get rid of sugar the only way it knows how...water. At a point when I was coming out of my delirium, some nice Russian woman gave me her soda water...all that she had...a few bottles, I doubt more than 5. It was nasty...I hate soda water...I drank that shit up like there was no tomorrow. That's thirst. That's what real hunger does...you don't care if it's nasty.
Anyways, my point is that, while it may not be fun, you should do your job. My job is to explain to my students...no, not explain...show to my students that they got in trouble because they were only thinking about themselves. That's the time when anybody gets in trouble. Last time I got in trouble was a speeding ticket. I got it because I was thinking how I wanted to get to a certain place in a certain amount of time. Did someone force that time limit on me? Nope.
A lot of students don't have much parental guidance. It's not determined by race or class or anything else...it's most likely always been that way. Teachers? We're the adults in many children's lives. It's our job to show them that you can be patient. You can plan ahead. You can follow the rules. You can do all of these things and still be a child, and still have fun...it's a parent's job as well...but how many parents, and how many teachers don't do their jobs?
Most of my students have parents who have displayed a disinterest in what they do, say, and wear...They've even displayed a disinterest in following a boss at a job or legal authority.
My son, Delta-Boy, has created his first original superhero. His name...Rope Man. Rope Man has a long long long long long rope which he uses to rope up bad guys. And his rope can bend itself. Rope Man wears a mask which has eyes like this...*squints eyes at computer screen*...not like this...*opens eyes wide and pulls eyebrows up at computer screen*
I'm trying to get him to draw a picture of Rope Man, and he says he wants to be Rope Man for Halloween...
PTMamma (Particularly Thoughtful Mamma) provided me with the following quotes from Zebra-Girl...
The first quote involves her brother, Delta-Boy. He was walking around pulling a wooden alligator behind him. It has wheels on it and the wheels and design are made such that the alligator kind of writhes while it walks, and the mouth opens and closes. Apparently, Delta-Boy was saying that everything he passed got eaten by his alligator. Zebra-Girl was standing there and had taken off her shorts. She calls everything she wears on her bum and legs underpants. Jeans, shorts, panties, anything...it's all underpants. Well, her underpants were sitting on the ground as Delta-Boy and alligator passed by and Zebra-Girl says...
"He can EAT MY UNDERPANTS!"
Anyone know the number of a good convent...
Later, they were eating. They were eating cauliflower. Because we're psychotic, PTMamma (Particularly Traumatizing Mamma) refers to cauliflower as "brains". That's pretty cool, because I figure Stephen King's parents would call common things disturbing things, and now Stephen King is a successful horror writer, and if I want that Hummer (or Humvee *rolls eyes*), then I need to get one of my children to be wealthy, cause a teacher's pay ain't gonna make it. The problem though is that, while I enjoy his books, King, himself, creeps me out. So, I'd have a child who could buy me a Hummer, BUT he/she would creep me out...so...I think I'm picking the Hummer.
Anyway, they were eating Brains (cauliflower). PTMamma stepped out and shortly thereafter returned at which point Zebra-Girl said:
First, according to my newspaper, homosexuals are switching teams...
Or...am I using the wrong definition of "Bush"?
My second humorous find only makes sense if you know my name is Clark...and since you now know, it will make sense...
You know, I may be an asshole, but I'm no lawyer. Or, if I have a split personality, what the hell has it done with that money, because you know he makes mad cash! I guess he's not an ambulance chaser, but a mass grave chaser...
Last but not least, a story from The State worthy of Jerry Springer...
Mother charged in scheme to get painkillers
A Clover woman has been charged with beating her 16-year-old son and forcing him to cut her with a steak knife in an effort to get prescription painkillers.
Police said Linda Bailes, 37, threatened to kick her son and his girlfriend out of their mobile home unless he helped her get pain pills. Bailes was arrested Wednesday after the boy told police his mother forced him to let her hit him in the back with a baseball bat so he could get pain medicine.
But the boy said the pain pills doctors gave him weren’t strong enough for her, so she told him to cut her and call 911 to say someone had broken in the house. When police questioned the boy, he told them about the scheme. Bailes was charged with aggravated assault, giving false information to police and petty larceny.
Contributing: The Associated Press
You know, if the scheme involves calling the police, you do NOT include the guy whom you hit in the back with a baseball bat. That's a cardinal rule of schemes. Right after "Don't fall in live with the sexy female cop/sexy daughter of the chief detective" and right before "If you don't want anyone to get killed, don't give a weapon to the guy with anger management issues who's always getting into fights and talking about killing cop" you'll find "Don't let the guy who you hit with a bat call the police to give them a report of a supposed crime." C'mon people...a little common sense please.
But it gets even worse. Apparently he used an electromagnetic device as a part of a unit on electric current. He used the device to...well, descriptions vary...either simply mark students' arms with a red cross, or burn students, brand them, with a cross. He's well liked by many students, but at least one student has come forward saying the brand hurt so bad he was unable to sleep.
The other day, during nap time, Bravo-Boy (remember, the 2-year old) came out of his room and said, "Dada, me gotta wee!"
Man, those are some cold, unhappy feet. Notice how my new House Fly loves my feet. It's not that they are stank feet. Eau Contraire! It's the holey socks.
Nothing says Christmas like warm, flyless toes. Merry Christmas everybody!
