PTA: Parent, Teacher, Asshole

Auspicous Beginning...I mean, Asspicious...

The school year pretty much started for me yesterday. I had a meeting/training session to go to because I am one of the ARSE's Cohort Facilitators.


ARSE n. - Acronym for the Alternate Reality School of Excellence, a school for the behaviorally challenged...but the district has to put those bad teachers somewhere.

COHORT FACILITATOR n. - a person who facilitates cohorsion in a cohort group.

COHORT GROUP n. - 1. a group of educators who are forced to get together to research the answer to an "agreed upon" question and implement the results to improve student learning. There are four strands of groups focusing on Literacy Across the Curriculum, Curriculum Planning, Student Engagement, and Data Driven Decision Making. 2. just another meeting.

Now, I know what this session is going to be...a waste of time. I did the training last year, my first year as cohort facilitator, but they are paying me to be there, so fine. And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they changed something and it costs less to pay us for the meeting than it would to put post-it-notes on our boxes.

Well, right from the start, I find out I'm right.

Kathy Kohort: "You new facilitators will learn what your responsibilities are, and for you returning facilitators it will be a refresher and you can share your experiences with the noobs."

Mr. Asshole: "Did you say boobs?"

Kathy Kohort: "No, I said restraining order..."

Anyway, fine...free cokes, some candy...I can survive...

Well, being right is a fleeting experience...Quickly the meeting turned from a "Here's What You Will Be Doing" session into a Gripe-Bitch-Moan-Complain Session.

Mr. Gripe: "I'd like my group to put forth more initiative, but I'm having to do everything myself."

Mr. Bitch: "My name is an oxymoron...and speaking of morons, why do we have a strand on making data driven decisions. Shouldn't the department of education do all that data stuff?"

Mrs. Moan: "I'm not nearly as sexy as my name sounds, and I'm real loud, which means I'm right! And I know you Kathy Kohort, so I get to ruin your whole training session by being a bitch, no offense Mr. Bitch."

Mr. Bitch: "None taken. And why do we have to learn how to drive? Shouldn't the state just drive us around? They made the traffic laws to begin with."

Mrs. Moan: "Hey, I haven't ruined my buddy Kathy's day yet, shut up! Anyway, shouldn't the cohort groups be homogenous based on subject? My group last year had math and social studies and science and, eww, English teachers. Should we really be integrating?"

Mr. Complain: "Yeah, because what works in an, eww, English class won't work in a math class..."

Mrs. Moan: "HEY! I'm loud, I don't need your help!"

1 1/2 hours in we took a break and we weren't a quarter done with the agenda...

Poor Kathy Kohort zipped through the rest of the stuff to let us get out on time, actually early, but I suspect she really just wanted a drink. Now, I had retorts for all of these...people...and poor Kathy Kohort was clearly getting sucker punched into the ropes and couldn't keep her hands on the ball (mixed metaphors are the BEST!), but I know from experience that Working at ARSE means working in, well, an alternate reality where the rules of physics are greatly altered. What happens in ARSE stays in ARSE, because it won't work anywhere else. Also, I didn't want Mrs. Moan to have another reason to keep talking.

Mr. Gripe, you're problem is you aren't being an effective facilitator. We were told we are not the leaders, we faciliate discussion, help things run smoothly and keep rolling. That's it. You are clearly acting like a leader.

Mr. Bitch, do you want the state department to tell you what to do in your classroom based on their interpretation of data about students they've never met? I like being able to decide what's best for MY students and sometimes we need to better learn how to interpret the data and react to it.

Mrs. Moan and Mrs. Complain, whether you have a degree in education or you went through one of those state run programs to move from some other job to a teaching job, when you were being told how to teach you spent a lot of time in classes with people in every discipline. If your focus question is broad enough, then everyone will get something.

AND WHY ARE ANY OF YOU RETURNING AS COHORT FACILITATORS IF YOU HATE IT THIS MUCH!!!!! One actually said, "This is my third year. I'm a glutton for punishment." Yeah, I hate spinich so I make sure I've got some at every meal...

At the end she had us split into two groups to read some articles and do an activity unless you had some comments about the cohort structure so she could take them to the Powers That Be. Gripe, Bitch, and Moan did not go up...the few who went up were predominantly the ones that chimed in a "yeah, I agree" kind of thing.

I don't understand. I'm not a big cohort fan, but you make the best with what you can. You voice your concerns to the Powers That Be, not the poor girl charged with training us, and then do the best that you can. There will be several cohort groups which will be a complete waste of time because of bad leadership...or should I say...facilitatorship.

Can I call it facili-tit-orship for fun?

Kathy Kohort: "...Restraining...Order..."

posted by Bodog @ 11:29 AM