The Confusing Post about Confusion
I've had this blog for awhile now, but I haven't been regularly posting on it. That's one of the many things which I want to do this summer...post regularly on PTA so that when school starts back, I'll automatically think, "I should blog this" when anything even remotely interesting happens or is discovered.
My wife, Thrifty, is more experienced in the Merry Old Land of BLOG and she told me that blogging isn't just about sharing your thoughts with thousands of people...it's also about mingling with other bloggers, networking, socializing...
...
I'm not very social. I try to be. But my mind goes blank.
Party Host: "Hey, John. This is Bodog."
John: "Hey."
Bodog: "Hey, John. It's nice to meet you."
Party Host: "Oh, look...The cheese log is almost eaten away. I better go get a replacement. Have fun."
Bodog:
Please note the use of italics to show internal monologue. "Geez, how many cheese logs can one person own? And who's eating that shit? I better use the restroom before those cheese eaters start nuking the place...But I should talk with this guy first...What can we talk about? Comics! What's he think about Batwoman being a lesbian? Wait, he doesn't look like a comic fan, because we comic geeks are easily identified by the Scarlet letters CG we're forced to wear to protect the rest of society from our communicable insanity...Plus, what if John here has an issue with homosexuals and he goes off on some antigay rant that I don't wanna put up with...Ooh, I know...Bush, Iraq...What's he think the US's plan should be at this point...but what if he's liberal? And he goes off on some anti-Dubya rant that I don't wanna put up with... So, I've got either an anti-Bush rant or an anti-bush-on-bush rant. If I stand here long enough, maybe he'll pick a topic...but he'll probably bring up The Lost 24 American Idol House and I'll have to explain that I don't watch TV and he'll ask why and I'll have to justify my decision to avoid that brain numbing pap, and then I might be off on an anti-TV rant that I don't wanna put up with..."Uh, it's been pretty pleasant in the evenings."
John: "Yep...hot in the afternoons, though."
Bodog: "Yep."
John: "Yep."
Bodog: ...
John: ...
Bodog: *
belch* (Please notice my use of italics to denote onomatopia) "Ugh, scuse me. Whelp ... Uh ... This beer just running through me. Gotta go take a piss. See ya."
John: "Yep."
So, see...it's not pretty. In fact it's Angelina Jolie ugly. (Anyone who says she's hot hasn't looked at her face...or they have a swollen lip fetish.)
Anyway, it's better online, of course. You walk into a room and someone's already talking. You have something to contribute, you can choose to do so. If not, you can just go to another blog-room, observe the conversation, make your decision...So, I've been trying to visit some blogs and comment. SInce doing so, I've had a slight increase in comments, which is cool. I enjoy hearing what other people think about whatever I was thinking about at blog time, although I think the main factor in the increased commentage in Thrifty memeing me and linking to me because she seems to be pretty well liked.
One of the blogs Thrifty recommended to me was Mrs. Chili's blog, A Teacher's Education. I've been stopping by but I haven't commented yet because...well, even online sometimes my mind goes blank. Sorry Mrs. Chili. I'm awaiting a shipment of cerebral fix-a-flat as we speak...unless I forgot to order it...
Anyway, Mrs. Chili commented on my post Memed in the Head, my response to the second mem Thrifty sent my way. She asked a question which has thus spawned this blog post...so blame her...
Anyway, she asked, "I'm confused about the "confusing people with students." If your students aren't people, what are they?"
This is a perfect example of what I was talking about in my response to "I Confuse..." I am a confusing guy, and I confuse people, animals, myself...I have a tendency to spread confusion like a spreading thing...that spreads things...everywhere...........
Anyway, when writing my blog, I don't like to edit much except for spelling (which sometimes I forget to do) and grammar (ditto). So I sat down to say what I confuse and I thought, "Well, I confuse people. But because teaching is one of my primary topics for the blog, I should mention that I confuse students specifically." So, I typed that I Confuse..."People and Students". Then I realized that it sounds like I don't think students are people...If I confuse people in general, then it would stand to reason that I would confuse my students, who are people...mostly. I decided to comment on my apparent separation of students from people by adding, "who I apparently think aren't people."
Long story short (Too late Asshole), I didn't mean I confuse students with people, or vice versa...I meant I am a confusing factor in the lives of people and spefically, as a confusing teacher, students.
Thanks Mrs. Chili for the comment and pointing out my continuing spread of confusion even into this Wondrous Land of BLOG!
Discussions with the Sierra Padre
Sierra-Girl apparently wants to get in on the PTA-PTBaby blogged about conversations...
This morning at the kitchen table...
Sierra-Girl: Hey, Dada!PTA: Hey, Sierra-Girl!Sierra-Girl: Bummm!(She extends her M's)
PTA: ... ... Bum, indeed, baby girl ... Bum indeed.I think that in about 13-15 years, that conversation will go...
Teenage Sierra-Girl: Hey, Dad!Crotchety Old PTA: Hey, Teenage Sierra-Girl...What color do you call your hair again?Teenage Sierra-Girl: ASSHOLE!Crotchety Old PTA: Asshole, indeed, baby girl...asshole, indeed.
Reid the Fine Print
Did you know Harry Reid attended 3 boxing matches in Las Vegas? Did you know he had ringside seats? Those most coveted seats where you can get splattered by sweat, spit, blood, and the occasional tooth...or ear if Tyson's fighting...It's more fun than Gallagher Live!
Anyway, do you know who Harry Reid is? I didn't either before I looked in
the newspaper today...He's the Senate Democratic leader...and he was pressing for legislation to increase government oversight of...boxing.
No biggie, right? I mean, there is no law against accepting gifts from lobbyists. Well, read the following transcript of
Jim Lehrer interviewing Reid on News Hour on January 18, 2006.JIM LEHRER: But the specifics that are involved in the current situation aside, the practices of lobbyists taking people -- financing trips abroad, taking people to meals -- all of that -- free airplane travel -- all that sort of stuff has been common practice. Democrats and Republicans have been doing that for years, correct? SEN. HARRY REID: Well, Jim, listen. The Jack Abramoff situation where he's flying people around to golf tournaments in Scotland and other places, I don't think that has been -- if it has, I don't know about it, but if it has been, it's time to stop. Now, Reid received these free tickets as far back as 2003.
Reid's argument? According to the New York Times:
Mr. Reid defended the gifts, saying that they would never influence his position on the bill and that he was simply trying to learn how the legislation might affect an important industry in his home state. "Anyone from Nevada would say, 'I'm glad he is there taking care of the state's No. 1 businesses,' " he said.Oh, well sorry Senator Reid...I suppose that if you give us your word that the free ring side seats to three separate boxing events won't affect your decision, and you only accepted the tickets to go on a fact finding excursion...Well, forgive my suspicious nature...
WAIT A MINUTE! Couldn't tickets to boxing matches simply to investigate how a piece of legislation will affect an important local industry be a tax write-off?
Smell that? It's the sweet smell of hypocrisy...
Straight from the Zebra's Mouth #6
Zebra-Girl came into the family room out of the blue and said:
"I slipped and my head fell off."...It can only get worse as the teen years approach...
Oh, and my Poo Tally for May 29, 2006...3 Poos. 1 Sierra-Girl Poo and 2 Bravo-Boy Poos. Hooray...............
Memed in the Head
I AM BLESSED: with 4 wonderful children and a
wife whom I love completely despite her constant memeing.
I WANT: to have more energy. If I slept less, I could do more.
I WISH: I made more money to support my family.
I HATE: hypocrisy and people who refuse to be accountable for their own actions/decisions.
I MISS: behave.
I FEAR: that I'm making mistakes as a father.
I HEAR:
screaming.I WONDER: if I had a million dollars, would it change me?
I REGRET: being lazy and self-centered...but I'm working on both.
I AM NOT: a teacher...I am an architect of the future. If only I was paid architect money...
I DANCE: awkwardly, shamelessly, and without humility.
I SING: off key, shamelessly, and without humility.
I CRY: about things which my brain says could happen, but which haven't, but could...and I don't want these things to happen.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: stupid...just usually.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: the Spock "Live Long and Prosper" sign...and the Three Stooges Curly snapping routine.
I WRITE: this blog,
that blog, and three web comics...plus I write comic strips and short stories...in my head, but I'm working on that.
I CONFUSE: people and students, who I apparently think aren't people...
I NEED: to clip my finger nails.
I SHOULD: stop procrastinating.
I START: off strong and enthusiastic.
I FINISH: off poorly and disinterested...but I'm working on that...focus. I'm adding that to what I need...I also need focus...
Day Two of SUmmer Vacation
Today marks day two of my summer vacation. I've learned more about my children than I really wanted to know. These are things that I've seen before, but that sheer regularity of these things is...staggering.
Bravo-Boy and Sierra-Girl, aged almost 1 and 2 respectively, are archenemies. Sierra-Girl has a toy...Bravo-Boy takes the toy...Sierra-Girl takes it back...Bravo-Boy takes it back again...much screaming insues.
Zebra-Girl is the clumsiest, most hurtingest baby in the world. She runs and trips. She stands and falls. She walks past a door or a wall or air and bumps her head. Much screaming insues.
Delta-Boy, age 4, is trying to be a real human and take control of his life. Unfortunately, what he wants to do with his life...watch TV, boss his sibs around, eat nothing but rice krispy treats and gummy worms, take full ownership of every toy in the house...These things tend to run contrary to how PTMamma (Pretty Tired (of Me Being Home) Mamma) want his world to be. So, there's more head butting in a day than in a World Wide Wrestling Smackdown...and much screaming ensues.
Now, here's the question...do you notice a pattern? Yes...screaming...
Oh, and my earlier
Poo Post...about how I seem to be a catalyst for poo production in babies...yep, still going strong. Your baby constipated and crabby? Give me a call...no more than five minutes in my presence, and you'll be in the middle of a shit storm...
Maybe I need to work on that sales pitch...
The Sexual Confusion Post
Ok, the other night I had a dream...It was...an odd dream. I was walking around a European city...I think a Scandinavian city, but there were no details in the dream to confirm the location...but I know it was European. The odd part? I was walking around in a sparkly, gold full-length ball gown...
So then, the next morning, PTMamma (Partly Terrified Mamma) and I were discussing movies we were expecting from Netflix. One movie we were expecting in
A History of Violence starring
Viggo Mortensen. When the Lord of the Rings movies were coming out and every woman was swooning over Orlando Bloom, I kept saying how Orlando was kinda girly, but Viggo...he's a sexy man! Well, PTMamma made a comment about, when I confess my love to Viggo, he can come to the house as long as he brings Orlando Bloom with him...Well, I then explained that I couldn't date Viggo because I like boobies too much...but then if Viggo went on hormone treatments and got boobies, then...well, that's a Viggo of different dimensions.
Anyway, I don't have to worry about going into some alternative lifestyle when I remembered what my wife said a few mornings earlier when talking about her goal to be a writer: "I want to be Stephen King, only with breasts."
So, there's a lot of sexual and gender confusion in the PTHousehold these days. I could probably tell you more, except PTMamma says the nice folks from the Department of Social Services would like to talk with us, probably about our excellent child rearing techniques, and I still need to call back Jerry Springer.
Straight From the Zebra's Mouth #5
I walked into the kitchen with the spawn sitting round the kitchen table and I heard Zebra-Girl
say to PTMamma...
"Matthew Broderick scares me!"I don't know what prompted my 3-year-old daughter to proclaim her fear for Mr. Broderick, but I had to think, "Don't we all, baby girl. Don't we all."
Shortly thereafter I learned that Matthew Broderick signed a deal to star in the expected summer blockbuster for 2007,
Ferris versus Jason.
It's My Job...
That's what I say at least once, typically several times, while I'm at work. "It's my job."
"Mr. Asshole, why do you give us homework when you know we aren't going to do it?"
"It's my job."
"Mr. Asshole, why won't you let us have CD players at school?"
"It's my job."
Sometimes, that's the only answer that will get through to them, and personally, I feel that seeing someone do his job simply because it's what is expected of him, is something my students need to see. Because, I don't always like "my job".
A couple of years ago, a student I enjoyed having in my class got a little too wired (I don't remember specifics here), and stabbed someone in the hand with a pencil. Now, it wasn't an aggressive maneuver. In his own mind, he was just playing around. It was my job to write him up for stabbing another student in the hand with a pencil, and rightfully so, his intentions and reasons were of little or no consequence. He got dismissed from the school. I regretted having to write him up...but, it's my job.
Sometimes, I like "my job"...It's my job to help my students succeed, sometimes where they've never succeeded before, and I like showing them that they can learn, they can succeed. Their "handicap", their intelligence...they aren't holding them back...It's themselves, their lack of interest...or, current teaching practices, but I'll save that missive for another post.
Anyway, yesterday...Tuesday May 9th, 2006, was a particularly ripe "It's my job" day.
We have a controversial "School Store" policy. Students who do not receive a discipline referral one day get to go to the school store the next day. The controversy? Some teachers hate the idea all together. They take my idea of a Spartan teaching environment to the extreme. I feel that we should be strict so that students do not want to come back, because if they want to come back, then we are encouraging them to misbehave, but that doesn't mean that we have to be completely deprived of privledges and pleasantries. Also, two teachers are essential to access to the school store. One teacher actually runs the school store, the other teacher, who has a planning period at that time, is supposed to monitor the students enjoying the school store privledge. If one or the other is out, then the school store is shut down. Some students have shown amazing maturity in saying that if it can't be consistent, they'd rather it not be offered at all. A third controversy is that, if, for some reason, we teachers don't get a list of who cannot go to the school store because of a discipline referral the previous day, then we are not to send the students to our students to the school store at all. After all, we don't know who should have the privledge, and who shouldn't.
Well, that last scenario was the predicament I found myself in. I had no list telling me who could not go. So when my students asked, I said I had no list, no one could go. Then the aftermath.
Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. The spokesman of the class went on about how they were hungry and the lunch is nasty and some of them, the only food they would get would be from the school store, and they didn't want to go home hungry...
...I know several of my students come from families who are poor. I understand. BUT, I told this to the spokesman, there are people, adults and children, in the world who would love...LOVE...to have the chance to eat the food he's calling nasty. Our school district offers reduced lunch and even free lunch and every year they lose money on lunch. Beggars can't be choosers.
Anyway, I explained to the class that I was told my job was to give students who did not receive a discipline referral the previous day the opportunity to go to the school store. I was told my job was to not allow anyone to go to the school store under the 3 conditions stated above. Other teachers were sending their classes to the school store...it's happened before...I don't know if they got a list or not. I didn't ask because if they didn't get a list, and if they didn't get a list then they are not doing their jobs.
I explained to my students that it would be easier to just let them all go completely ignoring the rules, than it was to listen to them complain...it's easier to skirt the rules...but I'm anal about them. I'm not going to follow the crowd and break the rules just because it's easier.
Later, after using our exercise discipline program (we use running, mostly, as a form of discipline in an attempt to avoid discipline referrals which could lead to suspension or expulsion), a student began entering the gym. I instructed the student to stop and go on to class. He asked me why I was always on his back..."It's my job."...I also pointed out that I'm on everybody's back. The student wanted to get some water...understandable considering the running...BUT, school was out in a few minutes and high school students were in the gym. We are instructed to keep our middle school students away from the high school students unless absolutely avoidable.
What my students don't understand is that there's a difference between what I don't mind/care about, and what's my job. I didn't care if the student got water, I didn't care if my students went to the school store...but, it's my job to keep control of these things.
Another problem, especially with the the desire for water, but even spilling into being hungry...I know what it's like to be thirsty. I became sick and delirious on a student summer visit to the USSR. Some viral infection threw my blood sugar for a loop (I'm diabetic), and I was in a Russian hospital. The most frightened I've ever been. Well, the most frightened for my own safety. When your blood sugar gets high, you dehydrate because your body is trying to get rid of sugar the only way it knows how...water. At a point when I was coming out of my delirium, some nice Russian woman gave me her soda water...all that she had...a few bottles, I doubt more than 5. It was nasty...I hate soda water...I drank that shit up like there was no tomorrow. That's thirst. That's what real hunger does...you don't care if it's nasty.
Anyways, my point is that, while it may not be fun, you should do your job. My job is to explain to my students...no, not explain...show to my students that they got in trouble because they were only thinking about themselves. That's the time when anybody gets in trouble. Last time I got in trouble was a speeding ticket. I got it because I was thinking how I wanted to get to a certain place in a certain amount of time. Did someone force that time limit on me? Nope.
A lot of students don't have much parental guidance. It's not determined by race or class or anything else...it's most likely always been that way. Teachers? We're the adults in many children's lives. It's our job to show them that you can be patient. You can plan ahead. You can follow the rules. You can do all of these things and still be a child, and still have fun...it's a parent's job as well...but how many parents, and how many teachers don't do their jobs?
Most of my students have parents who have displayed a disinterest in what they do, say, and wear...They've even displayed a disinterest in following a boss at a job or legal authority.
My job? To show the opposite. We all should...
Comic Creator in the Making
My son, Delta-Boy, has created his first original superhero. His name...Rope Man. Rope Man has a long long long long long rope which he uses to rope up bad guys. And his rope can bend itself. Rope Man wears a mask which has eyes like this...*squints eyes at computer screen*...not like this...*opens eyes wide and pulls eyebrows up at computer screen*
I'm trying to get him to draw a picture of Rope Man, and he says he wants to be Rope Man for Halloween...
My son, the comic creator...I am so PROUD!
Straight from the Zebra's Mouth #4
PTMamma (Particularly Thoughtful Mamma) provided me with the following quotes from Zebra-Girl...The first quote involves her brother, Delta-Boy. He was walking around pulling a wooden alligator behind him. It has wheels on it and the wheels and design are made such that the alligator kind of writhes while it walks, and the mouth opens and closes. Apparently, Delta-Boy was saying that everything he passed got eaten by his alligator. Zebra-Girl was standing there and had taken off her shorts. She calls everything she wears on her bum and legs underpants. Jeans, shorts, panties, anything...it's all underpants. Well, her underpants were sitting on the ground as Delta-Boy and alligator passed by and Zebra-Girl says..."He can EAT MY UNDERPANTS!"
Anyone know the number of a good convent...Later, they were eating. They were eating cauliflower. Because we're psychotic, PTMamma (Particularly Traumatizing Mamma) refers to cauliflower as "brains". That's pretty cool, because I figure Stephen King's parents would call common things disturbing things, and now Stephen King is a successful horror writer, and if I want that Hummer (or Humvee *rolls eyes*), then I need to get one of my children to be wealthy, cause a teacher's pay ain't gonna make it. The problem though is that, while I enjoy his books, King, himself, creeps me out. So, I'd have a child who could buy me a Hummer, BUT he/she would creep me out...so...I think I'm picking the Hummer.Anyway, they were eating Brains (cauliflower). PTMamma stepped out and shortly thereafter returned at which point Zebra-Girl said:"Mamma, I ate brother's brains!"
Maybe I should call her Zombie-Girl...
