PTA: Parent, Teacher, Asshole

Onion Meme Layer 5 and 6...The Midway Point

LAYER FIVE:

– Smoke: I did for three or four years in college. My wild rebellious days. I only really want to now when I'm in a bar and I almost never go to bars anymore. Occasionally on Fridays after work.
– Cuss: I didn't used to hardly at all. Now it seems fairly regular. I've wondered if being a teacher has brought the cussing out of me, or being a husband, or being a father. But, I figure all three...the Triumvirate of Cussing Terror.
– Sing: I was in a church choir when I was really young. Sister Beta, the younger of the two sisters, both older than I am, told me once I needed to sing more quietly...I was too loud. I told her she wasn't the choir director. Some time later I stopped. Some more time later, Sister Beta told me they needed me in the choir because people were leaving the choir. "I thought I was too loud...," I replied with indignation. "Yeah, but we need volume now..." I said no. I was a budding asshole even back then. Now I just sing in my car or to annoy my wife.
– Take a shower everyday: Very close. As I let my mane grow, I'm showering closer to every day. Weekends are when I tend not to shower. Saturday and/or Sunday.
– Do you think you've been in love: How do you spell that? L-O-V...Heh, just kidding. Yes.
– Want to go to college: Been. Auburn university, greatest college in the world. WAR EAGLE! Doesn't mean I can't return. Want to? Not really. Feel like it's something I should do? Certainly. Only time will tell.
– Liked high school: Yep. I had more girlfriends at one time when I was in High School...not that I'm proud of that, honey-pie. *innocent looks*
– Want to get married: Can you have more than one wife at a time? You know, cause I bet I could...you know, after the High School comment, maybe I should shut my Asshole...Well, except to say that I am in love with my wife...
– Believe in yourself: Yep. I'm a pretty arrogant, self-confident asshole.
– Get motion sickness: No.
– Think you're attractive: Well, I'd say I'm average. I've been told repeatedly that I have pretty eyes, and I'm sure they meant "pretty" in a rugged manly way. I don't know about that...they're kinda squinty. I can admit I have nice haur. Full of body and soft. I think, though, the above mentioned confidence is the most attractive thing about me. I'm not spectacular otherwise.
– Think you're a health freak: Um...How do you spell that? H-E-L-L
– Get along with your parent(s): Get along with as in not fight? Yes. Get along with as in having long friendly conversations about life, sports, TV, politics? No. I find it very hard to talk to my father, and I'm not sure why.
– Like thunderstorms: I love naps, and thunderstorms are the provide the best napping weather...So, oh yeah...
– Play an instrument: I played trumpet in middle school band. I was almost goof, first chair in 6th grade...But then I got bored and had a director I didn't like, so it didn't last. Now I blow my trumpet and roaches keel over.

LAYER SIX: In the past month have I…

– Drank alcohol: Yep. I love beer.
– Smoked: Nope.
– Done a drug: Uh...no.
– Made Out: What is this, elementary school? I almost asked if it was middle school and changed my mind having heard my middle school talk about stuff that Playboy wouldn't even show. Anyways, yes. Baby #5 on the way.
– Gone on a date: 4 children keep Thrifty Moogie and I pretty much at home.
– Gone to the mall?: Nope. Hate the mall.
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No, I've never been a big fan of Oreos.
– Eaten sushi: No. I don't like cooked fish, much less raw.
– Been on stage: Depends. You mean have I acted in a play? No. Do you mean have I been on a stage for any reason? Yes. My school's graduation as Teacher of the Year. My principal wanted to recognize my "accomplishment" which I think was just that I've been there longer than anyone else.
– Been dumped: No, my wife is very, very patient.
– Gone skating: I've skated on thin ice. See the above comment about being dumped.
– Made homemade cookies: No. I cook as little as possible for the cleanliness of the kitcher.
– Gone skinny dipping: I WISH! But unfortunately, you have to go much further back than one month to get an affirmative on this one. Recollect my above comment about my college rebel years.
– Dyed your hair: No. Never have. Never will.

All right, tomorrow Layers 7 and 8, where we'll find out if Asshole ever stripped for game purposes and what the Asshole wants to be when he grows up.

posted by Bodog @ 7:15 PM