Whatever You Do...Don't Mention the American Way
Of, for the love of...sonof...AHHHH!
Ok, on with the post...I'm sure form the title of the post and my little, uhm, whatever up there, that I'm blogging about Superman Returns and I'm not happy about the omission of the "And the American Way" thing from Superman Returns. Let's begin...
See, here's the thing...Superman IS the American Way. A completely original (kind of) creation in a completely new format (comic books) which prospered under Capitalism. More money has been made off of Superman than Bill Gates has in the bank right this second. You're right, I'm guessing there, but I have that much confidence in Supes's ability to generate cash since the 40s and I wouldn't even ask for scales for inflation...
I got this from
Outside the Beltway who got it off of
What Would Tyler Durden Do?Durden points out some important things, like 1945 America. Mike Dougherty and Dan Harris say that because the American Way has changed since 1945, they decided to go with "all that other stuff". Glad to know these geniuses are aware of what 1945 America was like. Not quite the Land of Freedom. I mean, ok, we were instrumental in winning World War II, but we entered the war being manipulated by Franklin Roosevelt, who tried lying about a planned Nazi invasion of the US from Mexico, and who turned his back on warnings about a Japanese attack. Forget equal rights if you weren't a white male, and forget about voicing doubts about your governments policies, as is a common topic these days, or have we all forgotten
Joe McCarthy?
So, these historians decided that they wanted to change "the American Way" to "all that other stuff." You know, "Truth, Justice, and...all that other stuff..."
"All that other stuff"? What the crap is that for a replacement anyway? It's so flippant and dismissive....Try and say that in your most noble, virtuous tone of voice. "I stand for truth, justice, and all that other stuff." You can't. It sounds half hearted, and you know why? IT IS! Replace "stuff" with "crap" and it's completely dismissive of the truth and justice. "Truth, justice, and all that other crap." Yeah, nice...thanks. Keep your other stuff...I'll wait for the American Way...
On Beltway's blog, a commenter suggested that it was an economic decision. Fearing that the "American Way" comment would alienate foreign markets, they decided to change it. Problem: We all know how easily it is for Hollywood to change a line here or their for the international markets. But, what about bad press? Well, if their main concern is losing money, then they'd also realize that by the time we Americans found out about the change, they'd already have our money. I hope it was a short-sighted economic decision. I fear not.
I fear that Dougherty and Harris decided to change it NOT because of money and NOT because of 1945 America, as perfect as it was...damn women's sufferage and damn civil rights...No, I fear that Dougherty and Harris disagree with the current administration and this is their way of showing their disapproval.
"Current administration"
"Current"
Funny word current...Means not permanent. Means things will change. Means that if you look at the state of the country right now and you aren't happy with what you see, you and everyone else like you can change it in 2 years. Very few countries in the world, very few people in this world, have that kind of power over their governments. But despite this, there seems to be a trend to be embarrassed or ashamed of America. Why? 2 years, clean slate, let's try again. Is that not good enough? You want it now? How many Americans have called their representatives to say they felt that Bush needs to be impeached and if they didn't see their representatives names on something saying that Bush should be impeached, that they would vote for someone, ANYONE, else.
And immigration laws? 1) He's naturalized at the very least. That's what happens when you get adopted by Americans. 2) No one knows who Superman really is. You can't deport someone whom you really just don't know who he is.
I'm not embarrassed of the American Way. I don't think Superman would be either.
And I made myself a shirt....
Conspiracy Theory: The New Religion
So, the way I figure it...Conspiracy Theorists have formed a new religion.
Now, before I begin my explanation, let me get a couple of things out there. I'm an asshole, as the blog states, but I'm not being quite as big an asshole as you might be expecting. First, I don't use the term "conspiracy theory" as a dismissive label as it is often used. When you say, "Oh my god, there's got to be more to it. They're covering stuff up!" and someone in turn says, "Oh, yes, please share your perfectly rational unparanoid conspiracy theory that can't be proven but is so true." That's dismissive. I use the term "conspiracy theory" as literally as the words can be meant without the sarcasm. It's a theory based on evidence that there's a conspiracy surrounding certain events. Second...I am not a blind, toadying yes-man for the government. I say that because conspiracy theorists, having realized that they are frequently dismissed as kooks, have taken to using their own dismissive terms for people who don't believe their theories.
Ok, so Conspiracy Theory, the new religion...See, back in the olden day, man created religion to explain the things which we couldn't understand: seasons, lightning, fire, women, and vcr clocks. So, when lightning would strike and thunder would rumble, when our baby Greek children would ask, "Dadicus, why does the lightning fall from the sky and rumble the earth?" Well, fathers had to say something, and they didn't know enough science to say, "Blah blah clouds blah grunt boom blah science science 1 mississippi 2 mississippi blah blah science." It'd be a long time before the discovery of, well, the Discovery Channel which allows fathers today to explain what happens in nature. So, without the Discovery Channel and with inquisitive little Greek children, fathers had to come up with something...and religion was born.
"Zeus, god of thunder, throws his thunder bolts, his lightning, down to the earth when he is angry and lights up the sky and shakes the ground."
"What makes Zeus angry, Dadicus?"
"Little Greek children who don't do their chores like they are supposed to."
"Why does the house shake when mom's mad at you because you stayed late at the tavern flirting with the Mead Maiden?"
"That's not your mother shaking the house. That is also Zeus, god of thunder and adultery, showing his displeasure with your mother for questioning your father."
Thus, religion and centuries of patriarchy were born. You're welcome.
Nowadays, because of science and the Discovery Channel, we know most everything. Well, we all don't know, but we could all find out if we wanted to find out. Just find the right book. Anyway, despite all that we know, we still get stumped from time to time. What's healthy? We still don't quite know. Who got elected president in 2004? Um...good question.
Answer, CONSPIRACY THEORY! We don't have an answer, but we have a theory that someone knows and they are conspiring to keep the information from us. Where there is a gap in our knowledge or our understanding, our brains can get very creative.
"How can Bush have won the 2004 election?"
Conspiracy! Rigged machines. Voters not allowed to vote. Voters who don't exist.
Now, let's take Ohio, the chief culprit. There's some questions about the machines. But it's easier for some to believe that the machines were rigged. Not that there could have been an innocent programming error. If it was an error, why wouldn't it have affected the results for both Bush and Kerry rather than just Kerry? Well, it couldn't be because if there was a programming error in X machines, the programming error probably occurred in the X machine in a row, not randomly on X machines throughout the programming of all machines. Then, the machines were probably loaded and shipped to the polling places in the same order the error occurred, and then, have you noticed that a lot of times, an area will be predominantly Democratic or Republican? So if the programming error occurred in a row on the same day on the X number of computers, were stored in the order they were programmed, and loaded and shipped in the order they were programmed, the law of probability, which would suggest that an innocent occurrence that could happen to two possible parties would happen fairly equally to both parties, would have little effect. Also, forgotten is that the law of probability says what most likely will happen, but ask anyone who has taken a long shot bet and won, probability doesn't always rule the day. You could flip a coin 10 times and get heads 8. Not probable, but there's nothing saying it couldn't happen either.
Then 9/11...There wasn't a plane that hit the Pentagon, it was explosives, and the towers fell down because of explosives not two planes, and the fourth plane got shot down, not the acts of heroism by the passengers.
There's some questionable stuff with the towers. The apparent molten steel and melted steel girders. But then, how many times have towers like the twin towers been hit by planes like those 747s? All the experts are just speculating about what could and could not happen. There's a lot of science in the 9/11 towers thing and even the Pentagon and most of us have to go to experts. But then, both sides has its experts. How do you pick which experts you're going to believe? We don't understand what happened, it must be a conspiracy!
My problem with these conspiracies is that if you question the how, it's always simple. How could the number of people necessary to pull off this conspiracy been able to pull it off without someone noticing, without someone thinking that maybe this wasn't the best idea, without thinking that the only way to get a shot at wealth and fame would be to blow the lid off of the conspiracy? I can't answer the scientific questions about how the towers fell and the concrete turned to dust, but I can find some experts for you. Some experts to say how it could happen the way it supposedly happened, and some experts that will tell you it never could have happened that way without help.
My problem with most conspiracy theorists is that they are 100% POSITIVE that they know what happened, and the government's to blame. I don't think there's been a conspiracy in these events, but I'm not 100% positive that there was no conspiracy. I understand that the answers that I accept from the experts who tell me there was no conspiracy don't eliminate all the questions and in some cases create new questions. Why can't a conspiracy theorist admit that the answers from the experts who say that there was a conspiracy also leave some questions unanswered and create some new questions as well?
The only thing I can figure is faith. Faith that the government is working against its own people. And when you have questions to which you need answers and you look to something (government conspiracy) for those unknown answers, and you have faith that those answers are correct despite opening up more unanswered questions, then you have a religion.
But then, I don't know what keeps happening to my socks. I have more mismatched socks than I do matched socks. So, if my socks turn up in Guantanamo as prisoners in the war on terror...Well, I may have to convert...
"This is not a valid ID..."
Talk about something you never...NEVER...want to hear...
"This is not a valid ID..."
I mean, what scenario is that a phrase you WANT to hear...
"I'm sorry, sir. I was going to give you a speeding ticket, but I need proper Highway Patrol ID, and this...is not a valid ID..."
Nope, never happened...If you are in possession of an ID that "is not a valid ID", you are being denied something...The right to buy alcohol, the right to buy porn, the right to drive slowly away from a police officer with only one ticket rather than two...the right to...take a test?
Wait, why do I have to have a valid ID? I don't even WANT to take the test. I want alcohol. I want porn. I want to drive away with only one ticket...I want to take a test? I don't think so.
I heard this...one week ago today. I was there and I, apparently, wanted to take a test. What did not constitute "valid ID"?
Voter's Registration with my name and signature matching the name of the person who was suppoed to be taking The Test...
One credit card and one debit card both also with my name and signature.
One proof of insurance with my name (admittedly no signature this time, but I could use my car as evidence)
My friend and co-worker, a human being, having already passed the full body cavity search and rigorous proof of ID, present to take the same basic test, who could attest to the fact that the guy with the voter's registration, money sucking black hole cards, vehicle registration (and matching car), and DRIVER'S LISCENCE is in fact the guy who wants to take a test.
If you've noticed that I saved the mention of the driver's liscence until the end and you suspect there's more to the story...you've earned a Gold Star.
See, the Driver's License...or DL as I will now refer to it...had a flaw. Not my face, although that is a flaw. Or that I've gained 10 pounds since I last had to renew my DL.
I don't know about DLs from other states, but it seems that the South Carolina (SC) DL has two layers. There's the primary layer with the prison mugshot picture, the personal information that surely can't be of use to anyone...
Police Officer: "Sir, this appears to be you, but I'm going to have to ask you to stand on these weight scales...Sir, you are clearly not who you claim to be because you weigh 10 pounds more than this valid form of identification says...You'll have to come with me to the station..."
Then, there's the second layer, the rear layer, the secondary layer...the one with the clear white surfact that has nothing except what appears to be a bar code but which apparently codes nothing.
These two layers are separate and held together by laminant.
My two layers...had a divorce...Well, they separated, but with some determination and invisible tape, they were trying to reconcile their differences.
Thus, my driver's license, which has served me so well in keeping beer in my fridge, was invalid. I was safe to buy alcohol, but take a test? Not on your life, Mister!
So, I'm supposed to take the National Boards Test and I can't because I can't prove who I am. I know Identity Theft is an increasing problem, but I doubt anyone stole someone else's identity because of his addiction to tests.
So, the lady telling me that I was not who I thought I was (maybe the floors had built in scales which alerted her to the 10 pound weight difference?) asked if I had a passport.
Asshole: "Yes."
Test Nazi: "Where do you live?"
Asshole: "My invalid ID has my address on it..."
Test Nazi: "Can you get there in 15 minutes?"
Asshole: "..."
Test Nazi: "Sure you can. I do it all the time."
Asshole: "If you are going to answer my questions, why don't you take the test for me? Do you have a valid ID?"
All of a sudden, I'm in a caper film and I'm the Safe Cracker...
Test Nazi: "We need to get in that safe and the guard will be back in 15 minutes. Can you do it?" Asshole: "I dunno...it's a tough safe."
Test Nazi: "Well, I could do it...you need to do it!"
Asshole: "If you could do it, then why are you just watching the door? Why aren't you cracking the safe?"
Test Nazi: "Because you're the star of the film...now do it."
Asshole: "I need more time."
Test Nazi: "DO IT!!!"
Asshole: "I NEED MORE TIME!!!"
At this point, I have to admit I didn't say anything after "yes"...Sometimes I wish I was as much of an asshole in real life as I am in my mind.
I may be able to get to the house in 15 minutes and I may be able to return in 15 minutes, though I'm sceptical...but find the passport immediately? No. Not without some help...So, I leave, pull out my phone and I start going over what I'm going to tell Frugal. (She's the lovely wife, in case you don't know.)
"Honey, they found out that we are aliens and that I'm not the human whose place I took all because of 10 pounds and some invisible tape! Get my old passport from my high school trip to the Soviet Union so I can..."
Wait...I haven't needed a passport since I was in high school. I doubt she'd call that valid...I better check...
Asshole: "My passport is from when I was 17."
Test Nazi: "Oh."
Asshole: "..."
Test Nazi: "..."
Asshole: "..."
Test Nazi: "Ok, well, what I'm going to have to have you to do is go to the DMV and get a new DL and be back in 45 minutes."
Asshole: "..."
Test Nazi: "The DMV opens in 15 minutes. I've got a map..."
Asshole: "You've got a map? This happens so often you have a map to the nearest DMV? I know where it is..."
Test Nazi: "You know where it is?"
Asshole: "Not having a valid ID doesn't make me a moron..."
Anything after the ellipses denoting a staring contest excluding knowing where the DMV is located didn't actually get said.
So, I went to the DMV which wouldn't open for 30 minutes. It just so happened that they had an opening in the test taking window 30 minutes after my test taking window, so if I can get back...I can still take the test. WOOHOO!
So, I got to sit for 30 minutes. I sagely sat in front of the doors rather than waiting in my car. A DMV employee brought out forms for us to fill out while we waited for the place to open. I called Frugal. I brooded about not being in the test. It's a staggering thing, walking in to take a test and then for a small reason you are denied and you are given extra time to sit and think about the test and whether or not you have reason to be confidant, and maybe I won't make it back in time. I mean, it is the DMV. It's not well known for its alacrity.
Then, you start plotting against the people waiting outside of the doors with you. You start screening them...
"You can go in before me. You were here first. I doubt you have time baring down down on you like I do...but I don't want to be rude. But you? Uh-uh. You were here before me, but then you went and sat in your car until you saw the girl giving out the forms...No, you lost your place buddy. And I've heard you talking about what you are here for...it's going to take 45 minutes to deal with you alone, so I can't let you get in front of me either."
The doors get unlocked...I jump up, slam the guy with the 45 minutes of paper work into a tree. Forms flutter about like flat, rectangular, paper snowflakes. (Ooh...Simile) I tripped the car guy, held the door open for the lady who was there before me (always the gentleman), bit my thumb at the two guys left in my wake (Ooh...Shakespearean reference), and entered the DMV.
Ok...maybe not quite like that...But I did hold the door for the lady.
It took 3 minutes to get a new license. They just...printed a new one. Same picture. Same weight off by 10 pounds...no invisible tape.
So, I finally got to take my test for the National Boards. WOOHOO!
There's nothing much to say about the test without risking being abducted by men in black in an unmarked van, driven to some undisclosed location and force fed my testicles...or something like that. They are serious about test security, though...so, don't play.
I will say that the test had me do what I, as a middle school language arts teacher, do most every day in planning for my class. I don't know how well I did, but I feel pretty good about it.
It's Been About Two Weeks...
Why have I not been blogging? Well, see...I'm a guy who does really well with routine. That's why I want to blog a little bit every day, and I did so for a while...but then one day, I didn't. I didn't because Thursday night a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't sleep...at all. The problem is that Friday, I had to go be "trained" for summer school. "Trained". This is the 7th Summer School I've done...I don't need to be trained. But they wanted me there anyway.
By the time I got home, I was exhausted...too tired to blog. And it threw off my groove. I'm just starting back.
What have I done in those two weeks? I've started teaching Sumemr School. I have two classes...3 students. That's right, true believers, I have one class with one student. Summer School is just the district giving me a binder full of worksheets to complete with our students by the end. The program has always been pretty good, but it had to be changed this year because we are having a longer summer school. The person who adjusted the program for the longer days did a HORRIBLE job. A program which was pretty good has become awful.
I'm teaching 7th grade Geography. Every day starts off with a journal which makes no sense. "Based on your findings, what was the cause of the incident?" Uh...what findings on what incident? "Examine the positive and negative causes of historical events." Heh. Students in summer school, after a year of Geography, which they failed, are supposed to not only remember something from history, but remember what caused the event? Not likely.
We had a day of nothing but filling in maps. MAPS! The whole day. The previous program, we did a little map work every day. And the books I needed to do the maps weren't given to me. I used what I had been given. Then there were days where we needed specifically to look at maps and charts from a particular book...not given to me...because they were not told to have them out...and I didn't know because I don't usually teach Geography, so it was a fiasco trying to find out what I needed to do the work for those days.
3 students, 2 classes, countless little fiascos.
I am, however, going to try and get myself out of the classroom for next year's summer school and into the director's chair. Seems they'll need a new one next year. They don't need someone with an administrator's degree. I'm going for it.
I also took my National Boards Test. But I think that needs its own post. Check back soon...or in two weeks...depending on...the routine.
Swiftly...
They came in the night. I, the humble cook, suddenly found myself awash in a sea of chaos and confusion as my unheralded guests stormed from corner to corner, screaming and thrashing. The guards, hearing the din of the maelstrom, came rushing in. They attempted to pin down the two interlopers disrupting my culinary preparations, but they proved too elusive for my protectors.
When amidst the turmoil I came to a sudden realization...If the guards had their way, a grave injustice would be committed. One guard eyed one of the intruders and began to corner him. From behind, I grabbed the guard, who now appeared to be the villain in this drama, and hurled him out of the kitchen. I lost one of my unexpected guests, as well as the second guard. I offered my hand for protection to my guest.
We then bolted out of the kitchen into the hall where I discovered the second guest pinned underneath the pointed weapon of the missing guard about to be sacrificed in the name of justice.
I, again, grabbed the guard and hurled him down the hall, the guard's victim scampered away, but the aggressive sentry would not be so easily denied his victory. I shoved the enraged sentinel into a closed off room, and locked him away.
I searched carefully and quietly for the second unexpected guest...the second small, confused, scared child.
*****
The above story is true...if you replace the two small, scared children with small, scared
chimney swifts who fell out of the chimney and into the dining room/kitchen...and replace the two guards with two hungry cats...
The two traumatized baby swifts seemed ok after I took them outside and put them on top of the picnic umbrella, where they sat still for a moment surely regaining their composure, and then flying off into the night.
