Fun With the News: April 30th, 2006
I found some fun items in my newspaper today...First, according to my newspaper, homosexuals are switching teams...
Or...am I using the wrong definition of "Bush"?
My second humorous find only makes sense if you know my name is Clark...and since you now know, it will make sense...
You know, I may be an asshole, but I'm no lawyer. Or, if I have a split personality, what the hell has it done with that money, because you know he makes mad cash! I guess he's not an ambulance chaser, but a mass grave chaser...
Last but not least, a story from The State worthy of Jerry Springer...
Mother charged in scheme to get painkillers
A Clover woman has been charged with beating her 16-year-old son and forcing him to cut her with a steak knife in an effort to get prescription painkillers.
Police said Linda Bailes, 37, threatened to kick her son and his girlfriend out of their mobile home unless he helped her get pain pills. Bailes was arrested Wednesday after the boy told police his mother forced him to let her hit him in the back with a baseball bat so he could get pain medicine.
But the boy said the pain pills doctors gave him weren’t strong enough for her, so she told him to cut her and call 911 to say someone had broken in the house. When police questioned the boy, he told them about the scheme. Bailes was charged with aggravated assault, giving false information to police and petty larceny.
Contributing: The Associated Press
You know, if the scheme involves calling the police, you do NOT include the guy whom you hit in the back with a baseball bat. That's a cardinal rule of schemes. Right after "Don't fall in live with the sexy female cop/sexy daughter of the chief detective" and right before "If you don't want anyone to get killed, don't give a weapon to the guy with anger management issues who's always getting into fights and talking about killing cop" you'll find "Don't let the guy who you hit with a bat call the police to give them a report of a supposed crime." C'mon people...a little common sense please.
posted by Bodog @ 3:17 PM
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