PTA: Parent, Teacher, Asshole

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and the F'ugly

Ok, it's been exactly four weeks since I blogged last. Let me just recap what's happened leading to the end of the school year in cutsy little categories based on Clint Eastwood's cutsy classic western movie, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good: The smallest section of our recap...

I was discussing characterization using portions of Treasure Island. Everyone is told to shut up by an old sea captain, and Lovesy says, "Who you talkin' to?" Ok, that's a paraphrase...anyway, there's a confrontation, threats, and the old sea captain backs down. I included a bit about how you didn't have to like someone to respect him, as the old sea captain clearly respected, at the very least, Lovesy's authority. A student responded, "That's true Mr. Asshole. We don't like you, but we respect you...usually." This is a student with whom I've had several disciplinary encounters and he swore up and down that I didn't like him and asked me several times, "Why are you a teacher if you don't like kids?" THE MONEY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, now that we teachers all had a good laugh...at least there was a compliment in there somewhere...

The Bad: A fairly small section...

I got called an idiot by a student about a week ago. She had gotten written up for some reason I didn't inquire about, and told her to come to my room because it was before school started and I have morning duty. She asked to go get her binder from over where the high school students were awaiting the start of the day, and sticking to my school's policy about high school and middle school students not mixing, I refused but said that I would go get it. Apparently that made me an idiot...and yet at the same time fairly wise because I learned that she got written up because she was sitting on one of the high school boy's lap, and not quite stationary, and when told to disembark and go to where the middle school students are to wait, she got disrespectful with that teacher as well. That was an insult taht kind of hurt because I wasn't asking anything unreasonable and it's a student from whom I would not expect that.

During my administration of the SSFT, State Standardized Fucking Test, the following occurred:

"Today, you will be taking the math portion of the SSFT. Are there any questions..."
"Can we use a dictionary?"
"It's a test on...math...so, uh, no..."

You know, whoever said that there were no stupid questions, apparently, wasn't asked a lot of questions...

I was told that next year I have to teach in a different portable, so this year before we close shop for the summer. I think my wife feels I should be more upset, but I don't really care except that I have to load all of my shit and move it.

The Ugly: The largest section...

Mrs. Melody Rama has continued having problems with giving me time to get my middle school class to lunch before going to my high school class. In fact, we had one last relapse today...a week ago we were discussing high school finals schedules and there were two options: One option placed my one high school class's "final"...not really a final with a computer class, but anyway...on Monday, a full day on which I could be there; another option put my high school class's "final" on Wednesday, a half day on which I would be busy giving finals to my middle school classes. I stated that the first option was no problem, but if option two gets chosen, I need someone to watch my high school class because I'll be administering a final to some middle school classes. Mrs. Rama said, "That's fine. I can do it." Jump ahead to Wednesday...today. I had just started my middle school final when I get a call over the intercom...

"Mr. Asshole?"
"Yes."
"We're going to shift some middle school students around because you have a class up here."
"No ma'am, Mrs. Rama said she would watch that class."
"Well, if we send down our office sub to watch your class near the end of the period, can you come up and talk to your students about grades or whatever?"
"Uh, ok, yeah, sure, I guess...(What the hell am I going up to talk about? Your grade is your grade. It's selfpaced computer work...they should know better than I do what their grades are...)"

{five minutes later...no exaggeration}

"Mr. Asshole?"
"Yes."
"Did you know you have a high school class waiting for you up here?"
"Yes, I spoke with Mrs. Principal about it. She said she would send down the office sub assistant woman near the end of class and I'd head up to, uh, do whatever."
"Well, could we send her down now so that you can come on up?"
"But I'm giving a final right now. I need to...ah...you know what, forget it...that's fine...whatever."

One of my students chimes in: "But, Mr. Asshole, I need to be able to ask you questions..."
"Well, apparently They! need me to be somewhere else..."

I head up to my high school class...one student asks me where his folder is..."I don't know, I gave it to you two days ago."
"Yeah, and I gave it back."
"No, you didn't."

Another pair of students requested going to the gym because they didn't have anything to do...I asked if anyone was watching students in the gym...their answer to me? no...my answer to the students, no...

"Are there any other questions? Do y'all need me for anything?"

I head to the office...I approach Mrs. Principal and she asks, "Had you arranged something?"
I recap every minute detail including that I am giving a final RIGHT NOW!

"Well, get what's-her-name the office assistant sub woman in the computer lab, you go administer your test because I know they'll have questions..."

Some of you may be wondering..."How can the principal not know you are giving finals?"

Well, that gets us to Ugly: The Prequel...

The middle school team and I sat down and devised, together, a middle school finals schedule. Our last week of school we have a full day Monday, three half days, and then a studentless Friday. We would have our finals on the first two half days, the third half day would be our make-up day, no attendance necessary if all finals taken. But then...some finals were given on Friday, another final given on Monday, the full day...as I told one of my beloved office ladies, "Yeah, I stuck to the schedule. Guess that makes me an Asshole!" Actually I SAID "a jerk," but I thought, "an Asshole!" So the principal kept forgetting that all of the finals had not been administered because 3 out of 4 teachers disregarded the finals schedule. Well, that was time well spent...

The F'Ugly:

For the record, "F'ugly" is a contraction of "Fuck ugly". I know most would spell it without the apostrophe, but before posting it occurred to me that what most people spell as "fugly" is a contraction and needs an apostrophe...

Anyway...

I debated on whether to classify this as "Ugly" or "F'ugly", but decided it was pretty F'ug'tastic...that's a new word, swirl it around, enjoy it, use it at your next party. There was a end of the year Luau yesterday...just a kind of fun, "we're almost there" end faculty meeting. During the Luau, a power point presentation using theme music from Gilligan's Island was used with new lyrics referrencing the problems that SOME teachers had with the previous principal. It really is hard to offend me. I have a good sense of humor, I don't generally take things personally...but I was offended by this reference. Apparently some people forgot, or more likely didn't give a rat's ass, that not everyone was a part of the insurrection. Poor taste. Bad show.

But the worst...

I had to wrestle a student to the ground a couple of weeks ago. There were several of us actually. It was near the end of the day. In fact, as far as I was concerned, it was. The bus picking up my middle school students had arrived and the majority of my students were on the bus when a call came over the walkie-talkie that assistance was needed in the computer lab. As usual, assuming I have no students to monitor/teach, I shot off...middle school students were already flowing out of the bus...I pointed and said, "GET BACK ON THE BUS OR GET A WRITE-UP!" I saw the students pause when I said that and I have to admit that I don't know if they fully complied, but as far as I know, the middle school students never made it up to conflict central. I got up to the main building and encountered an angry student bursting from the main building door. I looked inside to see if another student was coming from behind in need of interception when I heard from behind me, "Hell no! Fuck this!"

"CLOSE THE DOOR!"

I tried but the student pulled the door from me and he attempted to return to the room from which he was escorted.

"Don't let him in!"

The grappling begins...I got rid of my walkie-talkie, which would assurdly get tossed off and possibly broken...the student is being grabbed, spun away, but he's still free and trying to get to the room. I step between him and the door and roadblock him. We push against each other as another teacher and the SRO try to grab his arms from behind. We pivot, we fall to the ground, he gets handcuffed...I bruised my ass on the fall.

That's the first time that I really wrestled a student. I've grabbed arms attempting to assist the primary restrainer, but I never played a major role...until then. I didn't like it. He was a high school student with whom I had a decent teacher/student relationship. But I'm glad that I know that if I have to, I can stand between a belligerent student and his target....I just don't want to have to be there.

That covers most of the stuff from the past four weeks. I may have forgotten something, but if I get reminded of it, I'll share...until later...

posted by Bodog @ 5:25 PM 2 comments

A Little Knowledge...

We all know the old saying of Alexander Pope..."A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

Well, guess who just became the South Carolina Department of Education's Most Wanted! That's right, I'm the asshole!

Now, I've mentioned that I got drafted to cover a high school self-paced computer class. I asked the resident SPCC teacher to train me on the system back when it started and was told, "Can't until you have a class."

HORSESHIT!

I've done computer type training and you make the students the fuck up. But fine, whatever.

Except now I am learning that there were some things which weren't told me, or I missed during the 30 minutes training while my first class was underway...Man, I'm a fucking idiot. Like, while it's a self-paced computer program, some classes have paper, worksheet work. I was told about projects, I wasn't told about worksheets, so I have a couple of students with no grades because they haven't done worksheets I haven't given them because I didn't know or even imagine that there would be sheet work with a computer program. Fuck me, I'm an asshole.

There's also the student who I was told was in multimedia and Mrs. Melody Rama, the regular SPCC teacher whom I have mentioned before, would set up what he needed to do. First day in my class, "Mr. Asshole, what should I be doing?"

"Uh, new student, did someone set anything up?"

"Not that I know of..."

"Ok, well shill for today, I guess it's being worked on."

Next class...

"What should I be doing for multimedia, Mr. Asshole."

"I don't know, let me check. Mrs. Rama, what shout new student be doing?"

Mrs. Rama, "I don't know, all I know is he's taking German for me."

So I contact the powers that be with the same question and I get told, "Multimedia...a powerpoint project."

What the fuck does that mean? I mean, I know what powerpoint is, I use it all the time for class. But what is he supposed to learn in a multimedia class? What standards? So I ask again, "Mrs. Curriculum Coordinator, I was told that Mrs. Rama would set something up for New Student for his multimedia class. What do I need to do?"

Rsponse: Mrs. Rama says to have him do a powerpoint project...

Well, I can do that, I could make something up, but that's about as descriptive as an assignment like, "Write a report about World War II." You know, there is so much abouot World War II that you could get anything. I need to know what he is supposed to be learning in a multimedia class. I need some parameters with which to work. You wouldn't put an English teacher in any grade class and say, "Teach English," and walk away. Cause ANYTHING could be taught. "Powerpoint project?" What the fuck? Is the powerpoint project on multiple media forms and how they are similar and different and which form conveys which information the best? Is the powerpoint project supposed to show the student's use of multiple media forms since it does carry the ability to do multiple medias...

So, tomorrow I do what I always do...cover my ass...I'm not going to go and say, "This person and this person are trying to fuck me over!" I am going to say I am in a predicament. I have a plan. But I'm not going to leave out that had I been told, trained, communicated with, I wouldn't be where I am now. Maybe I should have realized. Looked closer. But forgive me if I spend more time thinking about my proper classes, my middle school English classes, and since I was told things like "self-paced", since all I was told was how to pull up reports with grades without any reference to paperwork grades, since my training didn't even consist of pulling up grading reports but how to create accounts for new students and how and when to use the bypass code, I didn't instinctively know to ask about or look into some of these other things.

posted by Bodog @ 7:30 PM 0 comments