Drama Llama Ding Dong!
Well, the fun never stops as Drama High!
We had a scheduling conflict...Mrs. Spooky was asked where a new seventh grader should be placed and she responded, in her infinite wisdom, in the sixth grade class. "We're just balancing numbers at this point," she proclaims. She also says that the seventh grade class already has some sixth graders because it doesn't really matter.
So I check...The seventh grade class has eight students and the sixth grade class has five or six...Now, the maximum number of students our middle school program should have is 48...on average 12 per class. I taught more than 30 back when there was only two classes, so forgive me if I don't see an eight student class turning into a nine student class as much of an issue. As I told Mrs. Placeholder, who is now offficially our principal for the remainder of the year, if we hit twelve in a class, then we can discuss balancing numbers, but not at 66% of capacity.
Also, the claim that the seventh grade class has sixth graders in it was a bit erroneus. The plural sixth graders is actually singular...one sixth grader...and he's older than some of our seventh graders. For right or wrong, one of the things our school does is it gives students the opportunity to get back in their proper grade. We're supposed to help him get back on track.
I didn't win too many fans when I questioned that placement.
But the big winner was when I asked about doing something about students coming to my class to use the bathroom. See, we expanded to four teachers mid-year a couple of years ago and the district scrambled to get two more portables. Well, I don't know if it was just what was available or what the district was willing to pay for, but the two new portables didn't come with bathrooms, which has been a continuing problem. It shouldn't be, but it has been. See, we can't, apparently, deny a student access to a bathroom if he or she asks. The available bathrooms include the gym bathroom, where either there are high school PE classes going or no one there at all; the office bathroom, where students disrupt the office staff and students in trouble sit in eager anticipation for their prescribed discipline; there is a general High School bathroom, but then you have Middle School students wandering the High School halls...We try to minimalize contact between the Middle and High School students.
So, for the two classes, the bathroom is a bit of a problem. We were discussing the possibility of implementing a level system in the Middle School tying certain, small uniform options to behavior. While discussing privledges to be used I asked if we could tie bathroom use in the last two portables to the levels. I said, "Can we make it a part of the level system that if you are on the lowest level you can't get a bathroom pass from Mr. Loafer's and Mr. Bearing's rooms? I mean, Student X comes to my class the same time every day, exactly 30 minutes after gym class."
Well, Mr. Loafer was OUTRAGED! He told me later that day, "Mr. Asshole, I'd appreciate it, if you have a problem with my students, that you tell me rather than bring it up in front of Mrs. Placeholder."
Well, clearly he felt I was singling him out despite also mentioning Mr. Bearing. And it's not Mr. Loafer that I have a problem with...It's the policy that if a student says "bathroom", we have to comply. I was looking for other possible solutions, and no one seems to like my porta-potty idea.
Well, we'll see what fun this week will bring. I can't hardly wait...
The Gauntlet Has Dropped
Ok...you ready for the High School news?
It took me a couple of days to get comfortable enough to BE a teacher...not a substitute. That's how I felt at first. A substitute. I was in someone else's classroom "teaching" a class with which I am not THAT familiar. But I'm in full gear now. Not to say every so often a situation occurs where I'm not exactly sure how to proceed...but I usually figure it out.
It's been a learning experience for the students as well. I mean, hopefully they are learning from their computer lessons, although I question how much they all pay attention to what it's telling them. No, they're learning how to exist under Asshole Rule. They've had to learn that you don't leave me classroom for just any reason, which apparently is a new experience for them.
"Mr. Asshole, can I go use the bathroom?"
"No, class just started and you just left lunch where you had free access to a bathroom, plus the five minutes between the bell declaring the end of lunch and the bell declaring you tardy for class."
"Mr. Asshole, I have a headache. Can I go to the office?"
"No, you have no aspirin in the healthroom and they can't do anything for you. Just sit there."
"Mr. Asshole, can I...?"
"No."
"No" is my favorite word. I use it ALL the time. Apparently, many of my peers at the school in both the middle and high school aren't as big of fans of that particular term. Pity for them.
My first write-up, where I really felt myself getting into my groove, occurred because a student was resting his head on his hand...with his middle finger sticking up in my direction. Now, he claims he ALWAYS sits like that except...one, this wasn't the first or second day of class...this was day 6 or 7 and this was the first time I've seen him sit like that. Also, try and sit like that...right now...sit like that with all of your fingers but your middle finger are curled under your chin, and the middle sticking up on your jaw...It's NOT comfortable. This was their lesson that everything is under my scrutiny in my classroom.
But the real fun occurred this week. On Tuesday, the lady usually in charge of that subject, but not in charge of that particular class, radioed for someone to come watch the class. I got on the radio and stated that I was taking my middle school class to lunch (as always) and I'd be there shortly. Well, that, it turns out, was an initial volley and the real assault occurred today. Well, it started last week while I was out, but that will be explained as the story unfolds.
Today I get to my high school computer class without a radio incident, but when I arrived in class, I found Mrs. Placeholder watching the class. Mrs. Placeholder is a high school teacher who acts as principal when the principal isn't there because she has an administrative degree. She's a good teacher and does a good job. When I entered she asked if there was a way I could have another middle school teacher can take my class a few minutes before lunch. Well, she didn't have to explain why. Apparently, Mrs. Melody Rama (Melo D Rama - Melodrama) has decided that she was no longer going to watch my computer class for the 5 minutes it takes me to get my middle school class to lunch and get to the high school computer class.
Now, let me make sure you understand this...I take my middle school class to lunch, go straight to the high school computer class without using the restroom, without getting a beverage, without ANYTHING! There I monitor class for an hour and a half until class ends when I then get 20 minutes to eat lunch, use the bathroom, etc. before my last middle school class begins. Mrs. Melody Rama, on the other hand, just had her 45 minute lunch break and is about to get an hour and a half planning period and she can't watch my class for five fucking minutes? I get 20 minutes on these days and she can't help me with five minutes in her 2 hours and 15 minutes?
So then I'm in charge. A student comes in a touch late and she heads to a computer to which she has not been assigned. I say my favorite word..."No". There's some debate about it mainly about how Mrs. Melody Rama changed her computer assignment.
"Well, I'll speak with Mrs. Rama about this, but it's my class, I want you there. You can either sit at the computer I assign to you or you can receive a discipline referral and go to the office."
Well, off the student stomps to the office.
But forget the student...Mrs. Melody Rama changed my computer assignments while I was out due to the birth of my newest son, Yankee Boy? Favorite word..."No".
Another student said, "Mr. Asshole, I don't mean to butt in, but that is Mrs. Rama's handwriting on the board saying the other student was assigned that computer by Mrs. Rama."
"Yes, but it's my class. It's not Mrs. Rama's class. I decide who sits at which computer in my class."
As the Phantom said in the Broadway play, "So, it is to be war between us!"
I've been avoiding the "It's not Mrs. Rama's class" line...No longer, as you see I used it this very day. Also, when I talk with my middle school team about someone taking my class five minutes before lunch, I will say, "Apparently, Mrs. Rama is no longer willing to watch the computer class for five minutes while I take my class to lunch, so I've been asked to get one of you to take the class five minutes before lunch so that I can get to my computer class."
I will name names...The other middle school team member are cohorts with Mrs. Rama. I am not being burdened by this sudden unwillingness to assist...they, her friends, will be burdened. The principal who asked me to take this class rather than asking for her to take the class will not be burdened...her friends will be burdened.
So, it is to be war between us....
WOOHOO!
I am pleased to announce that at approximately 1:30, my wife gave birth to a 9 pound 13 ounce, 21 1/2 inch baby boy. I'll have pictures, I hope, soon.
Yankee-Boy joins Delta-Boy (5), Zebra-Girl (3), Sierra-Girl (3), and Bravo-Boy (1) in the most beautiful series of children ever!
