PTA: Parent, Teacher, Asshole

Frustration Station - Vent Warning!

Well, I had a meltdown today. I lost my temper with one of my classes and did what I endeavor not to do ever...I yelled. I didn't cuss...I didn't focus on one student...I just lost my temper with the lot of the students at the same time.

My reaction was due to the fact that everyday I discipline them for the same things...every day...same thing...every day...and I couldn't understand why they were still pulling it. With four weeks left, some of them have very little wiggle room before they get booted out for too many write-ups...and they kepp doing the same stuff. One student asked me why I taught there if I didn't like them...

First, from an 5-8 year old, that statement would bring a stunning revelation to me about how my treatment of the students is causing a problem. But from a teenager who should be able to recognize that he intentionally tries to get away with as much stuff as possible, well...not so touching. There was no epiphany this time. I responded that I did like them and if you consider how many times I give a gentle verbal request to correct the bahavior rather than sticking to the letter of the law, then they'd realize that's me trying to help them get to the end of the year because I like them. I cited some specific examples where I said, "I should write you up, but..." I said that I didn't feel that my efforts to help them make it through the year were appreciated because they were unwilling to curb their behavior in the slightest. I said that if I care more about their finishing the year out than they care, then I'll just stop and be the hard nose they already think I am.

I know some will wonder why I don't just stick to the letter of the law, but this group of kids, half of them would be sent to the office before half the class was over. Maybe a couple of days of that would get the message across, but some of these students, I swear I'm not sure it would work. I'm not a "nice teacher". I get on them about EVERYTHING. Which is why I use gentle reminders rather than actual disciplinary steps most of the time.

And part of the problem is that they get away with this stuff in the other classes. Clipboards follow the students from class to class with a record of disciplinary steps and most classes most days have more marks from me than other students. I easily doled out more discipline with this class than any other teacher. And they get away with in at their homeschools. And they get away with it because as far as the parents were concerned, their angels shouldn't get in trouble just for talking in class...He has, after all, some disorder...He's bored...If I was a more entertaining teacher, I would have this problem.

Well, I apologized to every student individually at the end of class, because I do not like losing my temper...I do not like yelling, but I will say that sometimes I need to let them know how I feel, because they spend so much time sharing how they feel, and it's never complimentary. I also informed the principal because I don't want her to get a phonecall, "That Mr. Asshole is yelling at my son!" and she be unaware. I want her to be able to say, "Yes, ma'am. He spoke with me about the incident."

I'm just feeling really frustrated. It's that time of year. Happens every year...the, "Geez, same shit different day, same shit different day, no talking while I'm teaching, keep your hands to yourself, don't throw stuff or you're going to the office, leave him alone, knock it off, you don't like my golf pencils then you should bring your own from home, same shit, different day, same shit, same shit." And I really did want them to understand that I'm not out to get them and they are being unfair if they think that's my goal, but then this has been the year for misunderstanding about this asshole. I spend less time in my room and my coworkers rooms because I'm out spying...not trying to be more accessible to assist when needed. I'm not calling my family or visiting more often because...I don't know why they think...but it's certainly not because I work hard, and I have a farm that needs tending, and children whom I have to consider before I make any plans, and have meetings, and papers to grade, and lesson plans to prepare...God, I'm not just an asshole, I'm a self-centered asshole! I spend all my time trying to understand other people's points of view so that I WON'T assume the worst, and everyone else seems to be doing the opposite to me...Assume the worst, fuckers...cause the way things are going, you might really get it...

posted by Bodog @ 6:12 PM